Friday, November 02, 2007

1 infant, 3 diagnoses

i'm feeling lousy today. Like as in depressed down in the dumps gutter sort of feeling. it has to do with my exams and things said about me.

I just finished my paeds posting today. The written exam was a gut buster. I didn't study so much because i was focusing instead for the long case exam. My examiner is the first neonatologist in the country, with 30 years of experience. You don't mess around with people like that.

for my long case,the hospital drs diagnosis was bronchial asthma. I saw the patient 2 days after admission. My diagnosis was viral pneumonia. My examiner saw the kid for just 10 minutes, observed the boy, asked 1 question, and clinched the diagnosis: viral croup. Her question was whether the boy had hoarseness of voice. In just 10 minutes, she observed that the boy had difficulty bottlefeeding while lying supine. He was able to bottle feed after the mother held him in the upright position. Goodness, i am in AWE and RESPECT for the examiner. And honestly, thank god i didn't see the case file the day before exam. If i told her my diagnosis was bronchial asthma, she would probably freak out, because according to her that is way down the list of diagnosis for her. I just love all these lecturers with experience. I hope (and wonder) if i can be like that someday. So good to diagnose and treat patients in just a few minutes. However, my management got zero marks because of my wrong diagnosis. But what i liked about her is that she points out your mistakes and tells you how to improve. Fantastic. I slaved for 4 days just to prepare for my long case
and neglected my saq. The previous groups failure rate was about 60-70% and i already expected myself to fail.

There were 2 questions about neonatology, the other 3 were paeds. and i did fuck up on all the questions. What can i say? i'm not smart enough, with lack of common sense. I put more stress on myself in semester 9 because i have to learn about management, and at the same time close the gaps i still had since semester 7. Sometimes i feel apathetic towards my studies, i'm not sure why and it worries me. I'm just hoping some other people in my batch feel the same way too.

The other thing that REALLY PISSES me off is when some people in my batch think i'm this gossiper who maliciously spreads rumours about themselves and others in my batch. what a joke. To all those people who think so about me, don't flatter yourselves. I don't have all the time in the world to go and dig my head in the sand just to find out all the dirt about you. don't inflate your egos too much,darlings. I'm too busy trying to cope with my studies to think about anything else. nowadays other people know more things than i do. so much for me being a 'gossip queen'.

Want to know what i talk about most of the time? Go to and find out for yourself. Most of the things i gossip about come from this website. I just fucking hate it when people who don't know me at all assume the worst about me.

Im a schizoid

Paranoid Personality Disorder:Moderate
Schizoid Personality Disorder:High
Schizotypal Personality Disorder:Low
Antisocial Personality Disorder:Low
Borderline Personality Disorder:Moderate
Histrionic Personality Disorder:Moderate
Narcissistic Personality Disorder:Moderate
Avoidant Personality Disorder:Moderate
Dependent Personality Disorder:Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:Moderate

-- Take the Personality Disorder Test --
-- Personality Disorder Info --

Damn,i always knew something was wrong with me!!

Friday, October 19, 2007


1. If I was an opposite gender, what would my party clothes be like?
Definitely metrosexual, ala Christiano Ronaldo. Damn, that man is hot

2. At 10am this morning, I was… … reading the Star about Bourne Ultimatum. I am so going to watch it, pirated or non pirated version!

3. At 10pm tonight, I will be… … making my ass bigger by sitting for hours on a chair

4. Who should be the next Malaysian Prime Minister?
The space traveller, Sheikh Muszaphar

5. If my spouse told me to do without sex for a year, I would… … find multiple toyboys to play with

6. If I was a piece of a car, I would be the… …the steering wheel. somehow it symbolizes power.

7. If I was told one day that I would have to give up either 1) anything chocolate OR 2) ever seeing the beach again, for the rest of my life, which one will I give up?
i don't mind not seeing the beach. i'll just go and swim in some leptospirosis infested lake.

8. Singapore is good for… ... finding bald men. Honestly, there seem to be more young, bald men there.

9. If I could only say 3 words before I die, what would those last words be? Nacho Libre Rules!!

10. Who would I like to be left on a deserted island with? Luke McAlister.

11. Die by drowning or by fire? fire. Drowning....i don't like to burn.

12. What one single thing would you buy with your last RM9.95? buy KFC snack plate

13. If I opened a night club, what would I call it? Bliss- sounds nice, doesn't it?

14. Don’t cheat: what’s “bulbous”? some male anatomy resembling a lightbulb

15. I think my ass is… …TOO BIG. It sticks out when i wear pants.

Sunday, October 07, 2007


i had a crappy weekend.

1. i was trying to fix my earrings cos the top always comes off. so i buy super glue, and instead of fixing the earrings, i glued four of my fingers to each other instead. panicked for 5 minutes, then got help from a friend online. after that, while wiping off the mess on my table with tissue, i REGLUED my fingers to the tissue instead. i spent the next 1 hour picking off the tissue from my fingers.

2. New Zealand has lost to France in the Rugby World Cup by only TWO points. Dammit, the next time i want a team to win i'll support the opposing team. It must be Sebastian Chabal's fault.

3. My cooking gas is finished, so i call the gas company at 10.30 am this morning. it is now 12 midnite and no sign of gas van.

4. i tried convincing my grandma that it would be good to have a dog in the house. She is 120% against the idea, and nearly had a heart attack when i suggested that the dog will sleep in my room at night. My dad told me even the sound of the pet chicken of my neighbour makes her crazy. I don't mean disrespect, can someone not love a cute little dog??

The saving grace i had this weekend was my parents who came to see me. They had to drop off some new pants and some cookies. And i got to stuff my face with kenny rogers. The other thing that always makes me happy is this skit from the movie Napoleon Dynamite. Jon Heder's really good at dancing, he made up most of the dance moves on his own. This movie is all about Napoleon, who's a geek, and how he spends his day at school. He meets a new friend (his only friend) Pedro, who just came from Mexico. His love interest is Debra, who sells glamour shots and boondoggle keychains to go to college. He stays with his grandma (who looks like a les to me). His uncle rico is a salesman who sells fake Tupperware and bust enhancing programs. When Pedro decides to become a class President, Napoleon helps him by performing a skit:

the first time i watched this movie i didn't find it funny. but after reading the meaning of the story on the net, i have grown fond of it. it currently has a cult following among teens

Friday, September 21, 2007

I hope they win

my craze with rugby players started 3 years ago when johnny wilkinson played for the brits. coincidentally, they won the rugby world cup in 2003. since johnny's not playing anymore, i've decided to switch teams to the ALL BLACKS. I love the way they do the haka, no matter if people think its stupid or funny. The passion that they show when doing the haka is addictive. Of course, the presence of Luke Mcalister is a great help too!Just like the england football team, they have won the world cup only once in 1983. They've either lost at the finals or semifinals to south africa, france or tonga. Jeez, i hope they win this year! I'm going on the haka overload now.

this is the haka the under-19 all blacks performed:

and this is the cutest haka that i've ever seen:


ps. i don't like sebastian chabal, the guy who looks like a mafia in the french rugby team.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Ive got one more year to go!

as of last week, i am officially a 5th year student (who is still woefully average). i'm starting with surgery and ending with radio or anaes. its hectic, tiring, but fun. my day starts at 6am and ends at 6pm. so many things to remember and so many new things to absorb in 4 weeks. its true what another friend says, at the end of each day we're all so tired. There's no time for gossip, no time to bother about the petty little things in life. This week i tried to insert a cannula, and it wouldn't even go in, because i pushed the wrong way. How embarassing!! Even more embarassing is that i only get to do this in my final year.

After my selectives and electives, i now have a bigger picture of life as a real doc. its not just about being good in theory, its also about being good in practical work. And in SGH, the standard is high. i just noticed that the ho's in seremban hospital are twice as much as in sgh, even though sgh is bigger. BAd huh....houseman's in kch are overworked. the juniors have started their first week and are lost sheep. i am proud to anounce that their M2/03 seniors are being very nice to them, especially RAhman. If that guy ever goes into politics, he has my full support :)

last nite there was an earthquake in indon measuring 8.2. The students in condo tasik mewah said the building was shaking. i was happily stuffing my mouth with mcdonalds french fries at seremban 2 when the quake hit. thank god there's no tsunami. this weekend i'm not going back to kl, no matter how badly i want to. there's something about weekends in seremban that is so bloody boring. even though i've downloaded tons of movies to watch, its still boring.

Now i wanna talk about britney spears. Her performance at the vma's is so fucked up. when i saw the trailer for the rehearsals, she looked okay. Why she had to wear that little for the performance is just mind boggling. i'm okay with her body, but she should realize she ain't a size 2 anymore. the next day she went out without any undies. i wonder why someone like her wants to destroy her career and abandon her babies every night for the clubs. she's acting like a juvenile. Her new songs sound so much better without her dancing drunkenly to it. that girl just doesn't have any brain cells left.

I love perez hilton, even though he's catty and seems to have an agenda towards certain stars, his blog is funny to read. and he posted a nice pic of christiano ronaldo wearing white undies and getting soaked....check out his blogpage.

I accidentally discovered this great song from gym class heroes, viva la white girl. its supposedly about drugs (?). i'm not sure, but it has a nice beat to it.

Thursday, August 30, 2007


yeah.....i for once shall stop complaining about things in this country and be grateful for what i have. Really, despite me always mouthing off about certain stuff, at the end of the day i still will live in Sarawak. Its boring, yeah, but the people i'm closest to are all here, so what the heck :)

Here are some reasons why i love malaysia, in no particular order:

1.Lat and his cartoons
2. Charkoay teow, penang laksa, Satay kajang, Pok mee, rojak and rojak sotong
3. Cendol, ais kacang, matterhorn
4. SARAWAKIANS- thank god we exist
5. Gunung santubong
6.DVD ciplak
7. Petaling Street
8. Midvalley
9. Sarawak Cultural Village
10.All other malaysian states
11. Malay drama- i grew up watching opah
12. Astro-has anyone watched the commercial about DVD guy for wah lai toi? Hilarious
13. MAS
14. KLCC, Sultan Abdul Samad building
15. Wayang Kulit
16. Mulu caves
17. Kinabalu
18. All islands- redang, tioman, langkawi etc
20.Tropical weather-i can wear selipar jepun the whole year round
21.TV1,2 and 3- i forgot about watching tamil and kung fu movies too
22.Cheap clothes
23. Perodua
24. Petronas advertisements
25.People living in harmony- we are actually v peaceful comepared to some other places
26. Cheap prepaid services
27. Bata
28. Our beaches
29.Our language-lah, oi,and others
30. CAmeron and genting highlands
31. Durians, langsat, mangosteen, rambutan, laici and pisang
32. All goreng-goreng foods
33.Metrobus-best way to travel in kl
34.One of a kind malaysian drivers
35. Our culture, heritage and individuality, unlike a country down south.....
36. Safe from the volcanoes, earthquakes etc
37. Our super old rainforests
38. bujang senang
39. Orang utan
40. P. ramlee. i love his movies
41. Yasmin Ahmad
42. Our prime ministers, and all those who made this country free
43. flora and fauna of malaysia
44. mosquito net. its fun sleeping inside one
45. my kampung
46. Kuching city
47.pasar malam-almost forgot
48.24 hr mamak stalls
49. Shiela majid
50. Air Asia-best and cheapest way to holiday

yups, i think that's it so far. sorry if i didn't think of anything else

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

I m coming back to Seremban

Huh, 2 months of me not writing anything. I'm just plain lazy, u all can understand that. The last time i wrote, it was before my minor posting exams. The mcq was okay, but the ospe was sort of a killer. I really think i'll do dermato for specialisation, even though many people think its boring. I hate opthalmo and ent, cos my anatomy has never been strong.

Ive been in kuching for the past two months doing selective and elective at sarawak hospital. I did internal med, and it was great. I am going back to work in kuching. Honestly, there is a big difference between hospital staff in the semenanjung and here. I find ppl here are more friendly, and doctors here are nicer. Even if they think you're an idiot, they still teach you. I had an unfortunate run in with a cocky mo who got pissed with me because i couldn't tell him much about femoral dialysis.

One thing is that everytime a med student is from a private medical uni or from russia i do think they look down on them. Unless you're from uk, australia and nz. I guess its the glamor of studying in those countries. The doctors here like to ask tons of questions. I guess once you sort of can answer those questions, they'll treat you like any other med student. But i have to give my hat off to UM graduates. They honestly are the best. Sometimes i feel like i shouldn't have screwed up my matriculation days. I probably might have graduated from there. But the past is the past.

The specialist, mo and ho that i was with were very nice. it is a givne fact that once i become a ho, i will be moderately depressed every day. The workload for doctors working in sarawak is terrible. Can you imagine that you've just finished your housemanship and you get thrown to some district hospital and you're the one who has to make a decision for everything? Not to mention doing procedures like chest tube, lumbar puncture during your ho training? I'll admit, i'm scared to death about my ho posting here.

I just finished my posting in the emergency department, and the specialist says i suck in answereing questions. I do notice i always beat around the bush (even though my answers are correct). I easily get flustered when someone asks me questions and i just shoot whatever comes out from my mouth. Guess i gotta improve myself again.

The obstetrics here is also not bad. UNIMAS students have to do 10 deliveries and 10 episiotomies before graduating. How about IMU? i'm not sure. I just absolutely hate it sometimes when they think that private students are lousier than public grads. Hopefully by the time i'm a ho i can prove to them that private students are just as equal to anyone from public u's.

I did my a n e posting with michelle, and it was fun. We got to see a lot of cases, and if you read her blog, she wrote about jering induced nephropathy. Only in Sarawak!! And yes, when i did my 2 months posting here there were so many other students from russia. they told me they have to come every year. thank god imu just sends us twice. Most of them were friendly, a few jpa students were quite snobbish. And almost all of them are girls.

There are also white students from uk and elsewhere, and yes, they get a little bit more attention, but its not so drastic as getting them to meet the state health director. most of them are interested in seeing tropical deseases. and mulu caves. and sarawak cultural village. and iban longhouses. but other than that, they're treated just like anyone else.

There's one cardiologist, dr allan who was so nice as to take a huge number of students during his ward round. everytime he comes to the medical ward, he looks just like a shepherd with a flock of sheep. Its pretty amusing. But he's a great teacher, and he does teach a lot. ONe thing i like about the docs here is that they teach when they have the time. or ask you tons of questions. its so unlike seremban.

As for studying here, i don't get to do a lot of practical stuff. At the a n e for instance, i can try setting a cannula on a patient one time ONLY. In the wards, the nurses forbid us to do any cannulas unless we ask the doctors. They are so worried we'll cause pain that honestly, i gotta say my medical skill sucks. I really , really hope i get to do more stuff in sem 10. I'm honestly worried for myself because in sarawak if i ever do get thrown into the backwaters i don't want to be or look incompetent. What to do.....

Some really interesting cases i saw in these 2 months: Jering nephropathy, SLE with cardiac asystole (real drama in the ward), septic shock, dengue haemorrhagic fever, acute psychotic disorder, typoid fever (it seems to be common here), staph aureus sepsis, aortic stenosis, infective endocarditis, and LOTs of alcoholic liver disease. every day i see about 2-3 male patients with alcoholic liver. People here do drink a lot.

Sarawak is unique. I love the culture, the people and the food. When i was in the hospital, most of the patients are those with very little education,mostly farmers and living in the small towns or kampungs. It makes me want to give back to my state, because there is so much that i can do for them. Ask anyone of my batch mates, and most of them want to work in sabah. So far, only i 1 person who is a non sarawakian wants to come here for housemanship. Kinda sad, but i guess Sabah is more exciting for them.

As for meeting michelle again at the a n e, it was good....there were so many things for us to talk about, so many news to catch up on. But a bulk of our conversations were about politics, politicians, red tape etc. Somehow both of us have the same views about many things. We both agreed that our Yang Berhormat's should have more intelligent conversations in parliament rather than say, debating whether women should wear lipstick to the office.

In singapore, those in parliament have at least a degree. Lee kuan yew was from Harvard and was best student in something. Here, not many of them have a degree. I dont mean to insult them, but it does affect the intelligence of conversation at the dewan rakyat. Sometimes when i read about the things they discuss in parliament, i just shake my head. Its no point laughing or crying anymore.

It is true that we have world class facilities but 3rd class mentalities. Take a look at the bus crash at perak. 22 lives are gone and the mother of the bus driver refuses to accept her son is guilty just because he has had so many summonses in the past. And bus companies just want to make more money. Sometimes all of us can be so selfish that we forget to think about others. Why is it neighbouring countries like australia and new zealand don't have bus crashes?

To me, its the way they take pride in their job. In new zealand for example, they really adhere to the rules, make sure people wear seat belts and have regular driver changes after a certain number of hours. I dunno how much they are paid, but the thing is when they do a job, they make sure they do it well. Here, we just shut up and pray hard whenever the bus driver drives like a speed demon.

What about the people in the rural areas? There is much progress in terms of facilites being built. But if any of you were to go to parkson during the weekends or weekdays, its just full of young teens loitering around, and disturbing ppl. I went to buy movie tickets once and there were some teen boys outside the building playing with dirt. Weird, isn't it, until you think that they might have been high from sniffing glue. And that was on a weekday.

Nobody tells young ppl living in the longhouses, kampungs, small towns that education is a good way to get out of poverty. And i see so many of them jobless or taking up small jobs. Those who cant' find work resort to stealing. And it saddens me because majority of them are the dayaks. Of course the dayaks who live in town are different.These are the people that need help, and i am sad that the poverty cycle repeats itself again.

Rantings from a young adult. Anyways, semester 9 is starting next week. I'm going to start with surgery first and end with radiology/anes. I'm starting to pray hard i pass my exams. The lecturers have promised to bring us down. And i just want to finish my student years so i can go back to kuching :)

I m coming back to Seremban

Saturday, June 16, 2007

What to get?

Its almost a week to the selectives and electives, and here i am slaving away to study for next weeks exam. My gripe is that the minor postings are so packed, and we only have to weeks to study a particular topic. I mean, how do i finish ophthalmo in just 2 weeks? Its crazy. and i hate mcq's, they tend to ask the bigger picture of things, when in fact ive just studied 40% of the subject.
I think i might not watch fantastic 4, because its been receiving lukewarm reviews in the papers. The thought of chris evans shirtless in the movie is VERY tempting though:

See what i mean....this guy takes his shirt off sometime in the movie. Right now i think he's the hottest young male, next comes Matthew McCoughnney ( i can't be bothered to spell his name) and Keanu.

Since the pink dolphin already has a pet dog, i'm seriously thinking of getting one too. I've always wanted a dog and a cat since i was young, but my parents objected. I think the smell of shit in the front yard, and the fact that they have to spend tons of cash just to look after one is too much.

I'm going to grad by next august, and i think i have 3 months break before i start to work, and i most probably will be in Canada for a month. That leaves me 2 months to buy a dog, train it and do all the necessary medical checkups, deworming etc. Im a bit scared at the same time, cos before this all i ever had was a pet hamster and fish. And there's not much work to do taking care of those pets. I most likely will get a toy dog, and below are the candidates:

My first choice would be a daschund, simply because i love its shape and short legs. Its also because of a similar dog that i would always see when i walk to school. It never fails to greet me every morning and its so cute when it walks with its short legs. I hope i can find this breed for sale easily.

Next is the shih-tzu

According to the dog websites, this is the perfect type for those who are not active and prefer lap dogs (aka me). And its just soooooo cute

Third is the tibetan spaniel

Notice that it has a sausage shaped body and short legs. It also has a good temperament.

I'm just hoping that these dogs esp the daschund and spaniel are easily available. If not, i'd have to settle with a shih tzu. And NO chihuahuas and poodles for me, sorry.

Lite and easy has jazz nites on the weekdays and i love this song by Sade, Kiss of Life. Its just makes me think of holidaying someplace nice.

Friday, May 25, 2007

Yo-ho yo-ho, a pirates life i lead

hehehehhe....i'm gonna watch witty Jack this saturday. Damn! Its the last of the trilogy. Kudos to johnny depp for making pirates look sexy and cool. Now if only they brushed their teeth....My poor dad had to line up last saturday to buy the tickets. if i were to buy it today, chances are i'm gonna sit in the front row again and sprain another ankle. i'm sad to report that iwon't be going to the rainforest music festival because all the tickets have been sold out, and my parents can't make it. Sob.

I'm finished my two weeks posting at the emergency department. my first week was interesting. i was on the morning shift, and on the first day itself i got to do cpr on a patient. Unfortunately he didn't make it through. another interesting case was when a patient was involved in a motor vehicle accident and fractured his mid femur and tibia and fibula. it was graded Gustillo type 3c, yang paling teruklah. the poor man had to be referred to UMMC, where he'll be undergoing a vascular graft. Otherwise, most of the cases are asthma, chest pain, trauma, but no poisoning.

I've been playing a lot of online games, one of them is Neopets. Its an online virtual pet thingy, and i'm sadly addicted to it. Since i don't have tv, i dunno what to do in my spare time. There is youtube, but it takes so long to upload. My current favourite is the Simpson's clips. Gotta love that crazy family!

Ill be back to sarawak in july and august, doing my selectives and electives. its scary because i'm the only one there. my grand plan is to deliver as many babies as i can in a two week period. I'm also actually thinking of working part time or voluntarily at a pet shop, doing grooming for dogs or cats. I like animals, and until i start working, i can't own one. My entire family have vowed to wash their hands of my future pet (probably a cute little sausage dog) because they don't like handling pet shit. Its enough for them that stray cats keep dropping their dung on my front yard.

I also wanted to write about our crackpot local politicians and the way they just let loose in parliament, until this morning when i read an article in the NST about jokers. The writer was saying that we can make jokes, but of course at the appropriate time-lah. He was saying that if were to make gay jokes in the US, we'd be labelled a homophobic. Anyone seen Russell Peters? i watched his skit once, courtesy of a friend, and that guy makes fun of EVERYONE, but no one cares because its harmless. At the end of the day, those funny traits are what makes each of our cultures unique. So i shall clamp my mouth and try to be a bit less rigid. Those of you who want to know what our zany politicians have been up to can read the Star or NST online. And it seems our government buildings have been breaking down, one way or another. Just yesterday, the new court building in Jalan Duta was swamped with water up to 7 cm , from a burst pipe. How can wan.... the building is brand new man, just opened a few months ago. But knowing that this is Malaysia, it willl be swept underneath the carpet by next week.

Paris Hilton is going to jail soon, and she's been spotted toting a couple of holy books with her, ranging from the Bible, to self-help books to buddhism. I hope she goes to jail longer. Yeah yeah, i memang suka gossip kan? But i don't care. Anyone wants to label the world's number one gossip, go ahead. Its been in my body system ever since i was in st tri, and those were the best years of my life :)

Elliot Yamin of last year's American Idol has just released his album, and i like on e of the singles. Lets see if i can find it on youtube:

Its called 'wait for you'. I was hooked on him when i heard him sing Moody's Mood for love. His voice is so rich.

oklah,i gotta go back to kay-el soon.

Sunday, May 06, 2007



Venom in the comics is more vile that the one in the movie. I watched it last week, and thanks to dear ol' dad, we managed to get tickets. The cinemas were full on the opening day itself, and we sat in the front row. Luckily they modified the seats, so we didn't have to strain our necks. I was very unfortunate that i sprained my ankle on the way to my seat. I was happily going down the stairs holding my popcorn and coke, when the theatre went dim suddenly, and i lost my footing. And i was wearing heels. The pain!! Luckily i bought coke, so i had to put the cold cup over my foot for the first 10 minutes of the movie. My verdict? I liked the movie, no matter what the critics say. It was very entertaining, and i loved Sandman. I'm a bit sad that Venom wasn't nasty enough. And Harry Osbourne.........mmmhmmmmmm.....My dad is watching the movie twice, cos my grandma and brother didn't watch it yet. Thank you May for having great movies. I am going to watch Pirates 3 and Shrek 3, even if i have to starve for a week.
I'm doing my minor posting now, starting with ophthalmology. I have No intention of being an eye specialist. I saw a cataract removal surgery being done last week, and it made me feel squishy. Imagine its your eyes under the bright lights of the OT, and the drs are doing an incision at your cornea, then taking away your lens by vacuuming it and cutting it up to pieces. Yikes, give me plain ol'surgery any day. There's a lot of things to read for opthalmo, and i'm strapped to my chair most of the time. My posting's only 2 weeks, and i gotta cram a book with 400 pages into two weeks. sigh.
My brother is enjoying his holiday in kuching right now. wish i could do the same. Its funny that i miss him a lot more than i did last time. We were honestly cats and dogs. We even punched each other when we were young kids. A 6 age gap between us did not make us as close as other sibling would. But growing up brings maturity, and even though he's still the youngest, i guess our relationship is getting better. We still love to irritate each other though. Some things will never change.
Mother's day is next weekend, and i'm not sure what to get for my mother. I thought of getting body shop stuff, but my brother said it was too boring. He plans to get a book for her. Maybe we'll just share it. I can't wait to start working. I can't wait to finish studying, for once. Just a break for a few years before i start studying again. Seremban is being bloody hot. I couldn't sleep last night because my room was like an oven, and i was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. Why did i have to be born in a country near the Equator? I know i was supposed to go out with dida last week. Sorry girl, i didn't know that i didn't have a holiday instead. I looked at the old schedule.
And to all my old classmates and schoolmates, is there anyone out there that truly feels happy being single? I feel weird because i don't have the desire to look for a boyfriend, much less the desire to get married. I was thinking about it one day, and if i really couldn't find anyone, i would be happy to stay solo, live in an upmarket condo, and just have pets for company. my mom says its because i haven't found someone i really liked. It could be, but nowadays, whenever i see couples hanging out together, it doesn't make me feel like i miss anything in my life. Last time i used to wonder why i couldn't get a guy. it was either me being too picky, not socialising enough, or me not being attractive. Now, i don't really give a damn. I just take life as it comes.
World Music Rainforest......i'm finally going to be able to watch it this year now that i'll be in kuching in august. it would be nice to relax in damai and enjoy the atmosphere. Anyone else planning to go there?

here is lilly allen with her infectious song 'smile'. I love her slang!

And, because the bush administration is coming to an end, this is the second tribute i have for g. bush:

Saturday, April 14, 2007

this drives me crazy

check out the latest single by timbaland. Its my most played music of the week.

will ferell as george bush part 1

Thursday, March 29, 2007

save room by john legend

Ignore the xxx-scenes in the beginning if youré the squishy type.

He makes my blood flow

Mmmmm....anyone in a lovey-dovey mood should try listening to john legend. He's a real smooth crooner. He just has to stand in front of me and i'll melt into a puddle!! these are two of my favourite songs from his latest album. the first is we dont'care, the second is called save room.

Isn't he hot?

Little britain

ok, after days of trying to post some videos, i finally got it right. yeah, yeah, i'm an old makcik who's not tech-savvy.
below is a scene from one of my favourite comedy shows, little britain. it makes fun of everyone in the uk, and this is one of my favourite characters, CArol beer.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

my broken spirit

How do you tell a person who's just insulted you that enough is enough? That you would never insult a person about their physical traits or the way they speak/behave? I can't. I can never tell a person off, unless i am absolutely furious with rage, and let the person have my anger. I did it once, and i never want to do it again. The effect it had on both me and the scolded person was a lesson i learned in my young age.
I am naturally an easy person to get along with.I'm quiet, unassuming,i mind my own business and generally i wouldn't give a damn about how you look like, what your family background is, and what you're working as, as long as you are a good person and i can trust you. I also seldom make fun of people, but when i do, the other person has a right to insult me back.
Very few people have ever insulted me about my height, and i am very sensitive about that.They were either insulting me behind my back, or just didn't care how tall i was. But i get extremely pissed off when people insult me just to make themselves feel good, or to boost their f***ing low self-esteems high. They may just be joking with me, or unintentionally say things, but you know what, the things that comes out from your mouth tells me a lot of things about your character.
If i could have insulted them till they cried, i would. But i would just be as bad as them, and i would degrade myself to the level of a teenage schoolgirl. To all those people who get teased in whatsoever way till they feel bad about themselves, don't worry. I know how you guys feel. At the ripe old age of 26,i'm supposed to be busy with other things, but instead i have to vent my anger on this blog.
And to all those people who deliberately/non-deliberately insult others, insult behind our backs, or if you do want to insult us to our face, at least have the guts to admit to yourself that your own self-esteem sucks like a stagnant water drain.
On my part, i realise that i can be too sensitive at times. I tend to take comments about my height/weight as a personal insult. I also realise there are a lot of bitchy people in the world. I have tried very hard since my uni days to dismiss the hurt i feel. I have very much improved since my teenage days, but i still feel the sting now and then. It hurts, of course it does, and for that is why i am extra careful about making people close to me. Once you learn, you never forget.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

psychiatry part 2

i'll be doing my last week of psychiatry soon. And after this...Family medicine. Scary!

The lazy bug is still in me. This afternoon i went to the hospital to clerk patients for tomorrow's presentation. I was in the geriatric ward and had to find pts aged 65 and above. clerking the elderly is a bit like clerking young children, you have to be patient with both. I spent 3 hours in the afternoon just looking for suitable cases, and am totally tired now.
Last week i went to a geriatric clinic to see how patients are managed. There was this cute little old lady who came from a nursing home. She was about my height (which is short), her hair was short and parted to one side, and she had big bottle glasses on her face. She was absolutely a darling! THe moment she walked in, yuhana and i were just looking at her. And when she sat down, she said 'adoi'. She also had a high pitched voice, not exactly like alvin and the chipmunks, but a few tones lower. Which made her more adorable. What makes her stand out is that there is a cheerful expression on her face, and you can see that if you were to talk to her, she would be more than happy to. Yuhana started a conversation with her, and she was talking cheerfully. Then she got to the part where she said that she was put at the old folks' home because her children and grandchildren were too busy too look after her, and that they seldom see her. Then my eyes started tearing up. if one were to go to an old folk's home, its an eye opener. Most of the old folks are very happy that youngsters come to see them. The sadness on their faces disappears for a little while.
It was the same thing at the geriatric clinic that day. Most of the patients who came in had a sad feeling/sad aura. Even though on the outside they look okay, but you can see that it hurts them that they have no one to take care of them. Maybe there is a reason why some of them are put at old folk's home, for example, they need extra care round the clock, and there's no one at home who can do that. Or, they have some form of delirium/dementia. But if they are put there for no good reason, its not a good thing to do, yeah? I have a grandma at home who has sacrificed so much for me in my 26 years. Every time i come back to kch, she would pamper me as usual. So, the thought of me putting her in an old folks' home is just unimaginable. THe same can be said for my parents. I'm not judging or condemning anyone, i just think its sad that we don't take care of them after what they've done for us.
Speaking of which, i personally hope that children who've been brought up from orphanages do well in life. Yeah, i seldom go to orphanages, but secretly i pray that they will succeed in life, get scholarships to study and help their homes in turn. Sometimes i get upset when things don't turn out my way/i always demand too much from my parents. At other times, i feel lucky that i do have parents, and that i'm blessed enough to do what i love, and to have the 3 essential things any human being should have.
When we read stories/books in the paper about young children in africa who are made to be soldiers for warlords, or who are raped or orphaned at a young age, that's when i realise that life is bigger than just caring about myself. I hate it when i read about circumcision for girls, and the fact that most children in the world don't have a proper education, a proper home, and so on. I can't do anything about it for the moment, but it has made me to be a less selfish person, and to be happy with what i have.
I saw pan's labyrinth last week, and primeval and mr. bean this week. Pan's is quite a depressing story, but the script is excellent, and it just wants to tell that hell can also occur on earth. The actors are good, and when i watched the movie, it made me think of the japanese occupation in malaya. Ofelia's father, the captain, had his own tools of torture, which made me cringe! primeval is you basic killer eater croc, but it also had a background story about the warfare going on in africa. As for mr. bean, sometimes i was irritated with his action, and sometimes it was so funny i was laughing like a hyena. its sad that this will be his last movie....he has inspired me to try and drive a mini cooper at least once...i'll try my best to find a mini cooper owning friend in kch.
I'm really tired, will nap soon. The trailer for pirates 3 is excellent. How can anyone not fall in love with captain jack sparrow? He's such a charmer.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

too many As

once again the result season is out. The nationwide hunt to find out who the top scorer is starting. The highest number of subjects taken is 19. out of the hundreds of thousands of canditates, only less than 200 take more than 12 subjects. shall i start my criticism?

What were those students thinking? That by taking more than 12 subjects and scoring as many As as possible, will give them an advantage over a candidate that takes only the necessary subjects? I asked my classmate this question, and she thought that maybe they are not sure about what they want to study next. True, its possible. i have no doubt that they are the brainiest students our country has, and that it was hard work alone, and a bit of genetics, that got them their wonderful results. But some students in the science stream are also taking general science, and other minor papers that got them the extra As. General science is basically for the arts stream, and a simplified version of the science subjects that they learned. I don't get it. Why torture yourself by taking so many subjects? of course its a challenge, academically, but what about other things in life? Again, ppl would say that these students also excel in their co-curricular studies, being president of this club, and that club....The point of all my criticism is that students should just take the subjects which they really need, and maybe are interested in. I think the rush to obtain scholarships to study overseas is the major factor in this rush for As.
I still feel lucky that my spm was in the 90's. During those times, the highest result achievable was 9 or 10A1s. and i had a lot of fun in my form 4 and form 5, no thanks to a zany bunch of friends.
I do hope the Education Ministry won't encourage this trend of taking too many As. There are a lot of other things we need to do to ensure our youngsters become good adults. For example, teaching them to be courteous,polite, and not to be so kiasu. Just look at the malaysian drivers and the number of accidents that are increasing. There is also a need to have our students to think broad mindedly, to look at the world affairs, and to develop their habit of speaking what is on their minds, to be creative, to be confident, and to increase the standard of english. So many things that we can improve on, and its not just the results on paper that will make everything work for us.I say all of the above, because that's where i feel that i lack, and even though i've improved a bit, i can't compare myself to those graduates from european or american unis. My problem, till today is the fear of making my opinions known, of keeping quiet during a discussion even though i have many things to say. And also, i know no one will teach us manners, no one will tell us when to be courteous. But we can learn from the people around us, can't we? The Education Ministry keeps saying that it wants to improve the education system in the country, but it keeps saying that yearly, and i think the ones that will suffer in the end will be the youngsters.
It will be the end of my orthopaedics posting, and i'm glad i'm gonna finish it. its fun, but i don't see myself realigning patient's bones. Can you imagine little ol'me realigning the bones of a patient with a build like the Rock? Last week, my aunts and cousins watched Akademi Fantasia. I didn't bother watching it because its so predictable. But i've watched Heroes, and i think its not bad at all. I HAVE to watch a movie this weekend. My brother's coming down, and i'm trying to encourage him to either watch Pan's labyrinth or Primeval. Me and crocs just get along well.
Primeval is based on a real life story. There's this croc that lives in Zambia and his name is Gustav. He's apparently eaten 300 people so far and is still at large. He developed a taste for humans as a result of the war in zambia, where bodies were just thrown into the river.
My next posting will be psychiatry, and i have to interview patients in the wards. Previously, i was just seeing patients at the psychiatric ward. Now, i'm supposed to ask them how it feels like to be in the hospital, and how was their reaction when they got the bad news. As long as i get to see some docs that i like in the psych ward, i'm a pretty happy girl!
Another one of my ex-uni mate has just gotten married. This time its Farnidah, congrats to her! Thank god my mum never asks me when i plan to get married/do i have a boyfriend. My aunts just can't wait for me to tie the knot. They want to have another baby in the family....I'm not ready yet. Marriage is a big thing for me. And i don't mind marrying in my 30's.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Semester 8, here i come!

sheesh, its been a long time since i've bothered to write anything down at all. i was just lazy. i had a hell of a time with my exams, i had 2 weeks of a holiday break, and i'm back in seremban again. i enjoyed chinese new year with my family, we had a good dinner while there were fireworks in the sky. i went house visiting with still more food,and i slept and played computer games nonstop. i fell sick during the following week, probably because of too much late night sleeping, and because of that i've to suffer with a blocked nose. All my batchmates passed the exams, and it was a really good feeling, we've been made to suffer for quite some time. The euphoria is short-lived, however, as my batch is currently getting a beating by our lecturers again. It is quite frustrating sometimes to forget whatever that you've learned. Take me for example. i'm starting with ortho again, and despite it being my last posting last semester, i still can't remember some crucial stuff. And it doesn't help when your other group memebers are also brainy as well. my major problem in ortho has to be the nerve injuries, it keeps slipping from my mind. And i heard my mates in other postings are also getting a beating from the other lecturers. Sometimes it would be nice to just about keep everything in your head, isn't it? i thought semester 8 would be nice, but it turns out tougher than semester 7. well, its 4 months of me in seremban, then i get to go back to kuching for another 2 months to complete my selectives and electives.

I wonder why ilove characters in fiction books. Take for example my crush on this character called pendergast (created by douglas preston and lincoln child). He is described as being tall, with pale skin, pale blond hair and blue eyes. He comes with a high IQ, comes from a southern family that happens to be rich and mad at the same time, and is an FBI agent. And i can't get enough of this guy. Another character i'm attached to is called lincoln rhymes, but i forgot who is author is. He also has the same characteristics as pendergast, but he is a tetraplegic. If i could, i would buy all the books i'm interested in. I also had a good time watching movies. The next movie i want to watch is called Primeval, about a 20 foot long croc that loves devouring humans. I've watched borat, its funny at times, and really stupid at times. No wander Kazakhstan is angry with the movie.

Did Martin scorcese deserve an oscar for best director? Yes. But i don't think his movie deserved a best picture. The malaysian stars were, ironically dressed in evening gowns and tuxedos to have a glitzy breakfast while watching oscars. Sometimes you wonder who comes up with all these sort of ideas. My house nearly got robbed again, and i'm pissed off, because it seems that certain humans just want to have an easy life taking other people's things. And the thief attempted to open the window to the study room where i play my pc games every night.

Lent has also started and i'm on my best behaviour this season. Since i didn't observe lent last year, i'll try my best this time around. I wish that some priests would be more interesting when they preach, but i guess some things never change.

Monday, January 08, 2007

god does exist

so....xmas is over, new year's is over, and i have less than a month for my finals. I have to study for finals, long case, and 2 mcq's. its enough to drive anyone crazy. and sorry, i dont' have time to listen to anyone's complaints/whining until the end of chinese new year, because i am going to be selfish, and make sure i pass this finals. I do NOT want to waste my parents money, or my time, because i am getting old. almost everyone is getting a bf and getting married. I on the other hand am still single and blessed with big eye bags.
now i'm in my orthopaedics posting. i find this a challenge, because whenever anatomy is concerned, i have problems remembering everything. and the clinical examinations are numerous. Not to mention all the nerves that are involved. Sometimes i really wonder how i'm going to pass everything.
Today, i lost my wallet. yes, i thought i lost it because on my way back from class, i was about to dig into my bag and pull out my wallet to pay something. and it wasn't there. At that time, i was in a friends' car. And his bag was next to mine, and ZIPPED up. YOu'll understand later why i emphasise the fact that his bag was shut tight. so poor me was dumping everything out of the bag, searching his car, then searching the entire school for my wallet. I even asked my classmates if they saw my wallet.
I don't mind if money is lost, but its my ic and driving license that i'm particular about. Those from sarawak would understand that an ic shortens time at the immigration booth on our touchdown at any s'wak airport. we don't have to fill up so many forms. anyway, i got depressed and was prepared to go to make a police report the next day. Half an hour after sending me, my friend called up and told me he found my wallet sitting on top of his bag, which was zipped tight, and which was locked in the car. After sending me, he went back to uni to pass up something. when he opened his bag at first, he didn't see my wallet AT ALL. and he swore by this. and he left his bag in the car and locked the car. When he came back, the wallet was sitting on top of his books. He himself was puzzled by it, and so am i. I mean, it is possible that my wallet accidentally dropped into his bag. But his bag was closed when i opened mine, and if it was already inside, he would've noticed it when he first opened his bag after sending me.
I told him a ghost probably stole it and put it in his bag. But honestly, his bag wasn't really close to mine in the first place. Does anyone think that God did help me after reading this? I hope so, because i believe He did. Anyone else who thinks i'm having a delusion or am going crazy would probably be right too, but i just can't explain it. maybe my wallet does have special powers after all. But dear God, thanks for saving me the hassle of going to the police station tomorrow.