Thursday, October 26, 2006

my laptop crashed

its now 11.30 pm and i've just finished one report. sigh, i hate to do reports. its not so much about typing, but about What to type. And now my eyes are strained. I had been wanting to write this afternoon, but my laptop was being reformatted by a classmate. I did some internet updates which i wasn't suppposed to do, and in the end i got barred from accessing my computer. Worse, i had bought a new computer game that i was dying to try out yesterday. Can't imagine life without my comp, its my soulmate for the moment! Anyway, said classmate did a brilliant job of rescuing my comp. Not only were all my original files retained, he also added a few programs to protect me from internet viruses and spywares. I need to 'belanja' him KFC one day.
Microsoft Vista is coming out, supposedly by the end of this year,and my dad said its one heck of a program. I m supposed to get a new laptop next year. the current one is f***ing slow, and its so frustrating to see others going topspeed on their internets. I want a Toshiba. but i love my current laptop all the same, its serviced me well for 5 years, plus all my pics and songs are in here.
Has anyone realised it takes an hour to cook,but only 20 minutes to finish eating what we've cooked? Sungguh tak berbaloi! But i am proud to say that my cooking skills has increased a bit...if only a bit. I am hankering for pancakes, but my housemates are not so keen to eat it. I am also hankering for mcdonald's icecream, and some gelato. I'll have to wait to go back to kl tomorrow.
what i really wanted to write today was about our politicians. Yes...those politicians who seems to promise a lot during elections but fail to deliver, and instead build gigantic houses without permits on land meant for the poor. I've always had a thing to say against policitians, and the current national news just strengthens my belief that we malaysians are really not using our brains when it comes to choosing our wakil rakyat. Worse still, no one dares to report them when they have done something which is against the law, and these politicians just get bolder and bolder till they believe they are above everyone else. Don't blame me for not voting; i don't feel like it. and don't ask me why i shouldn't join politics to make a change. One voice can of course make a difference, but i am not willing to sacrifice so much of myself for the thousands of others. its not my destiny. but for the 1or 2percent of honest politicians out there, i salute them for doing what they do. Its not easy to be straight when everyone else is crooked. why are we so pea brained to vote for these people? Its not as if they all have Phd's or something. most of them are like you or me. Why???
Another one involves the issue of a long overdue meeting between the Pm and ex-Pm. It was supposed to be a confidential meeting, and the next day all that transpired appears on the national newspapers. I respect both of them, but i have ABSOLUTE confidence that the PM knows what he is doing, and if we give him our support and be patient, i'm sure he can make a change. Its easy to critisize, but its different when you're in the hot seat.
Another interesting article appeared last weekend, when this columnist was telling about how her relatives who migrated overseas would send her emails regarding our country and how bad things are. She wondered why those relatives have to mail her news that which she already knows of, and said that no matter how bad things are, she stays in this country because she loves it and can't imagine living anywhere else in the world. She ended by saying 'heaven is where you make of it'. I think it is true what she says. I have no problems of people migrating, that is their business and i wish them luck. But it smacks of rudeness when they start critisizing the country which they were born, and which gave them the oppportunity to migrate in the first place. I think every country has its own problems, and its up to the people to find beauty in everyday life. Sure, some things need to be changed, but our country is actually a very nice place to live in. I also take my life for granted, until i visited other countries and saw the different cultures and policies. So yea, home is where the heart is!

Sunday, October 22, 2006

happy holidays

ahh, the holidays are finally here! It was deepavali yesterday, and Seremban town was so quiet. i'm starting my mornings by waking up around 8.30 am. anything later than that and i'll get a headache. After a week of stress, its certainly good to just let things kick back and relax. I don't plan to go to kl for this moment cos my condo's empty. My mum has gone back to sarawak,and what's the use of staying in kl alone? This morning my housemates n i went to the morning market in Seremban town to buy our supplies for next week. We took a taxi there. Initially we planned to go earlier, but everyone woke up late. Its big, a 2 storey building, and ironically cleaner than the padungan market in kuching. the 3 of us plan to cook our dinners in the evening. Don't ask me what the outcome of my cooking will be, as long as its palatable we'll eat it. so far, i plan to cook chicken soup, kicap chicken, marinated pork ribs and kicap pork. AND try to fry some mushrooms in the process. We then went to eat at the second floor of the building. the hawkers there have a funny rule. they allocate themselves tables. if it so happens that you sit on their table, you must order from their shop and not from any other. its really irritating because i think as a consumer i have a right to sit where i want to. And what if the tables belonging to another hawker are all full and i want to eat from their stall? I'll have to get used to their funny rules. My housemates are pretty pissed off by the whole thing and vow never to eat there again. One shop that stands out is the Seremban beef noodle. That's the only reason why i wanted to eat there. Their dry mee is quite good. the beef soup noodles are pretty much the same as anywhere else.
oklar, i've got to read up on my paeds now.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

I'm so exhaused

Yes, this is the week of hell for me. After a day at school, i have to go back to hospital every night to clark patients to prepare for tomorrow's session. what's different is that i didn't have to do this much work for other postings. Add to the fact that i HAVE to study again after i come back, its so exhausting for me. I have to send one case summary on friday, and tonight i have to learn about the induction of labour. Oh, i can't wait for friday. Its really killing me!!!
IN the last posting, i wrote about how women suffered during a vaginal delivery, and that i vowed to myself i would do a Caesarian section. Well, i take back my words. C-section is worse than vaginal delivery. Last weekend i was on-call at the labour room and i happened to see a case where a patient, a first time mother, had to do an operation. First they cut near the beneath the suprapubic area. Then, they make the cut bigger by pulling apart the subcutaneous tissue and fat with their own hands. Imagine doing that to all the layers of the skin, including the rectus abdominis, just to deliver the fetus. whew, i'm opting for a vaginal delivery anyday,even if they have to do an episiotomy on me.
tonight i have to go back to the wards again. Its really near the festive seasons, so not many patients are in the wards. I'm expecting a baby boom after hari raya. Imagine all the expectant mothers just holding on long enough until the festive seasons are over!!

Saturday, October 14, 2006


sigh. i just recovered from a bout of constipation in the morning. If anyone wants torture me in the future, all they have to do is make me constipated. If someone were to ask me if i would rather be constipated or having diarrhoea, i'd have the latter anytime, anyday. Its just like giving birth, something wants to come out but can't come out. so you have to push and push,and in the back of your mind there's always the thought of your anus getting torn off in the process. i solved the problem by taking some concentrated fiber drink, 1 big bottle of water and 1 banana. The torture i had to go through.
yesterday evening i spent my time in the labour room at the hospital and upon arriving i was fortunate to see a patient giving birth. Its amazing to see a woman's vagina dilating just to accomodate a baby's head. and when the head finally came through, i was so worried that the vagina might tear. sometimes if the vagina doesn't dilate enough, they cut it to make the birthing process easier. I keep telling myself again and again that i don't want to have a baby. Watching a woman give birth makes me feel sick. i can't imagine myself going through such pain. After the baby came out, the placenta came out next. the nurse had to pull out the placenta bit by bit. I was excited because it was the first ever placenta that i saw. I wanted to touch it but the nurse asked me to help her with something else. the part where they had to sew up the patient's vagina after the whole ordeal was the worst. i know the pain that they feel is considerably less than during the birthing process, but still, its a needle that's going into your flesh. Worse still, i can't imagine myself giving birth to babies and doing episiotomies on patients, without anaesthesia. I have ruled out specialising in obs and gynae. Let the men handle it.
Speaking of men, yesterday a first time mother requested that her husband be by her side when she gave birth, and he didn't dare to go into the labour room! I mean, come on, you made her pregnant in the first place,can't you at least have some guts to be with her? After all,she's the one who has to suffer, not you. I tell you, if the next time my husband does that, i swear i'll go out of the labour room and "ketuk' his head. sorry guys, but all you have had to do is to donate you sperm, and there's an endless supply of where that comes from. I wished god made both men and women able to give birth. I'm really thinking of having a c-section, but it takes a longer time to heal. and i can only have a max of 2-3 kids. Gee, i don't know.
Tomorrow i'll be on call again for the whole day. the next week will be hell for me because i have to interview my patients before the lecturer arrives in the morning. so every night i'll have to be at the hospital. In the mornings i have to be in the hospital by 7.15 am. Yup, its very tiring, but sooner or later i'll adjust to it.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Obs and gynae

well,its 3 days since i've been posted to the obstetrics ward. And in a space of 3 days i've been called 'depressed' and 'lonely' by my lecturer. he's just joking of course, but its funny that i have 2 names already. i sound like a mental person don't i?
Its no secret that this posting is the busiest of all. we're supposed to know all the patients and do a lot of other clinical things besides, like doing a vaginal examination, go to the labour room and operation theatre and learn how to do a proper abdominal palpation. i always hate it during the first week of a new posting cos i have to adjust myself all over again. but i'm beginning to enjoy myself. i havent had the time to properly study yet. if you ask me about the theoretical part of obs, chances are i can't awnser you most of the time. since it is my clinical years, i would like to focus on how to be able to pick up the signs. but yeah, i know i should know a lot of stuff. sometimes i wished people don't expect to know everthing about medicine. i'm average, or maybe a little less, compared to others. true, i'm supposed to know broadly about a lot of topics, but i may not know in detail about every single little thing in medicine. i just don't have the time to read so much. even the lecturers hate to see students in the library all the time. it is true that we can learn so much from patients.
i didn't sleep so well for the first two days. i had to prepare a seminar on cardiotocography, something i'm ABSOLUTELY blank about. i had to go to the ward at night to look at the cases, then take the pictures with my camera, then prepare slides for it. i got slaughtered, but at least i did my work.
What i love about this posting is listening to fetal heart sounds, and palpating for the fetus. I feel happy whenever i can hear the fetus's heart rate, its like being given insight in to a new life, and knowing that its healthy and coming into this world.
I don't feel like getting pregnant next time (although i know this will change). the thought of my vagina strectching and the possibiliy of tears around the perineum, coupled with the labour pains makes me feel sick. If i had a choice, i'm going to go for a C-section.
I watched the devil wears prada. the clothes that anne hathaway wears are simply gorgeous. and so are the lead actors in the movie. I am completely in love with simon baker's character. Hey, i wouldn't mind a guy like that sweeping me off my feet, if only once in a lifetime! i also did some hard core shopping over the weekend, and bought myself 3 pairs of shoes. I got two sandals from vincci for 46 bucks. Not bad eh? i wanted to get some wedges, but it was too expenxive,plus my feet might be in agonising pain.
tonight i'm on call again. I want to finish clarking cases before tomorrow's presentation.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

bye-bye paeds

i had my exam this morning, and after all the studying, fretting and worrying i found out i was to clark a patient who was a newly diagnosed diabetic. i am happy that i got this case, but at the same time i wished i had the commoner cases seen in the ward aka acute bronciolitis, viral pneumonia, simple febrile fits. thank god i didn't get the more challenging cases. i would have died on the spot. i had to present to my examiner for 20 minutes. it was ok, i was nervous but i did not melt into a puddle on the floor. the worst moments were when i had to do a COMPLETE physical examination in 30 minutes flat. i was really sweating cos the cns and musculoskeletal examinations took 20 minutes alone. the remainding time i had to space out between the other 3 systems. Thank god again my patient was very accomodating and took it as some sort of game. now that its over i'm having post exam symptoms like headache, coryza and general lethargy. and i still have 2 more case reports and 2 more case summaries to write. i can't wait to go back to kl this friday and see my mum. i want to go out with her and let her spend all her hard earned cash on me :) i will be celebrating the end of exams by gorging on food. everyone's losing weight except me.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

paeds final week

it will be the 5th week of paeds, and how do i feel? sad that i'm going to leave this posting actually. when i first started out, i hated it because i couldn't stand the crying children and the difficulty in getting them to cooperate doing a phys exa. however as the weeks went by, i learnt how to be friendly with children and get them into letting me examine them. i have not gone back to kl for a month and during my 3rd week i missed my mom so much. the whole family visited me yesterday and i had a good lunch outing with them. my bro also bought me 1 big box of orange flavored chocs from langkawi. the next time he's flying down i want him to buy more biscuits for me. i can't help being a pig when it comes to food.
exam will be next thursday and i hope that i have sufficient brain memory to remember my stuff. this weekend i wanna shop for shoes. i hear there's raya sales everywhere. Shoes, shoes, i can't live without at least 5 different pairs. my ultimate purchase would be knee length black boots which i would wear with a skirt. i know i would look crazy if i were to wear it in kl. maybe i'll buy it before going somewhere for a holiday.
ramadan has started last week,and there's this ramadan bazaar just outside of my house. so far the food there is limited in choice but oklah. i would like to go to the bazaar at Ampangan. my classmate tells me they sell creme caramel for rm1.mmmm...
i also finally got net connection at my place, and i've been busy downloading tons of songs from the net. originally im supposed to be a good girl and use the net for research but i end up doing dumb stuff. the last frivolous thing i did was to check what aura i emit. it was a yellow. i don't know why i am so into this stuff like astrology, numerology etc. it just fascinates me. even though i know it can be crap and untrue,but sometimes i feel like at least 40% of what they say about me sounds true.
i plan to watch the Banquet starring zhang ziyi. its been a long time since i've watched a movie.