Thursday, March 31, 2005

its a beautiful day

it is, technically, even though it looks like its going to rain again. my eyes were really swollen this morning, and its either because i took out my lens late, slept late or generally did not sleep at all. i had to help a friend with some relationship problems last night, and my conclusion is that love is all and wonderful but if your feelings are not being reciprocated, life is dull and rainy all year round.

which brings me to the book i've read, the bestselling "he's just not that into you". i read it merely out of curiosity, and i didn't buy it. it took me around half an hour to look through it. even though the back parts of the book are things which are not related to me at this moment,i would say that it is true, in a way, especially when men give all sorts of excuses not to see you. i remembered my friend sort of telling this guy that she liked him, and he told her that he's not ready, just wanna be friends, too young, blah blah.The book also concludes that women, in general, should NEVER go after the men first, regardless of what all the 21st century feminists say. my conclusion? i agree. to save us the ultimate question of 'does he like me' i think we should just let the guys tell us.

i know that there are guys which just can't express themselves, are shy etc (mostly in my case...) but i think that if a guy really,really likes a girl, he will find a way to tell the girl, and if you like him back, life's swell. if not, then you'll have to find a way to break his heart nicely.i've personally never asked a guy out, its usually the other way around, but would i be gutsy enough to ask a guy out? if he was the reason why i can't sleep at night, or why i'm slobbering every time i see him, or just that i feel like exploding when he's near me, sure. i just hope i don't dissolve into a puddle in front of him.

i'm dragging on about relationships cos i got pissed over what my friend told me. i'm thinking that if you like someone and it looks like he likes you back, but then if you make an effort to get close to him and he backs out, it can be depressing.and in my friends case, its sad, because i thought he was giving her a lot of clues and signals. and she told me there was another guy that is also interested in her at the same time, but she chose to ignore him. Whatever it is,i really hope she and the first guy can work it out.if he's just a bag of hot air, then i'm sorry for her.

As a closing note, i've found out that there are tons of books on how to start a relationship, hot to attract the opposite sex, i think we should all let nature take its course ;)

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

outback jack

since everyone is going to put the earthquake as the main topic for today, i will continue to discuss about my heart's desire-outback jack.

i will confess that i am not a regular follower of the show,i only picked up during the last 5 girls. is it entertaining? yes,it is. i wonder, really really wonder how jack can make up his mind about which of the girls to eliminate after each show. all of them are good looking with hot bods, and i really pity him from that point of view. the episode that stuck in my mind the most was when he had to choose between 3 girls-marissa, natalie and maria.maria was kicked out,and that left marissa and natalie to figt over jack.
Jack IS a hot guy, let me tell you that. i'm not sure if he is academically gifted, but if you do plan to live in the outbacks, jack will make a fine husband. he knows lots of martial arts, does horseback, can climb mountains, and is good with survival skills. having a handsome face, lithe body and dimples doesn't hurt either.
i managed to catch snippets of the finals, and its not that i couldnt watch everything, its because its too toe curling to watch. seeing jack spend quality time with those girls makes me want to puke. i wonder how natalie feels, knowing jack has romanced 11 other girls also, and getting very intimate with marissa and maria on national tv? i wonder how i would feel like if i were in jack's shoe. he's a lucky guy.
well, the last thing i heard was that he and natalie are engaged and are going to live in the us.personally i felt that he made the right choice, cos natalie is more natural,and you know she's not faking her actions and mannerisms.i wish the both of them luck.

okay, as for the earth quake, well it was massive, 8.5 on the richter scale, and yours truly slept throughout the whole thing. whether it was luck/fate that i slept through it, i'm not sure, but i missed out on experiencing one! Vasan said that his apt shook for an entire minute,and he could actually see his table moving. come to think of it, my table didn't move at all. hmm...nah, he's not lying, but i'm now wondering why my table didn't move too. the quake was around 12, i napped, and woke up around 12.30. then i heard ppl calling the radio,telling about shaking apts and houses and ppl getting hysteria and panic on national radio! its a good thing the deejay for the night was calm and composed. penang would be the hardest hit i guess, and in kl, the tremors were very noticable. i guess i'll have to read the papers for the latest. it is also very, very fortunate that a tsunami didn't occur, or else more people would be suffering. and i don't think this will be the last earth quake we'll hear about in a long, long time. the plates are still moving, and i think there will be more to come, on an equally massive scale, in the near future. how scary.

Monday, March 28, 2005

water runs dry

The title above is because of me listening to an old boyz 2 men song that i really liked when i was young. and it got me a bit sad again because at the time the song was playing i opened up the papers and i read an article about the problems of imperovished migrant workers china, and about the migrant worker who died while saving 2 children from a railway track.
it got me thinking of how i take my life for granted, all the things which i have in life but never appreciated them, all the people around me, and all the complaining i like to do about minor things.
and millions of other people about the globe are worrying about things such as when is the next meal going to come, how are they going to survive etc. as much as i dont like migrant workers coming to malaysia, i realise when life is difficult you have to find a way to survive, no matter how terrible the conditions can be.i have never looked straight into the eyes of a helpless person, but i see enough of it in the papers. i am currently feeling like a bad person.

the good news about today? well, when i got up this morning, it was bright, sunny and a bit of nice cool air. i'm geting flu on and off again due to the current rainy season. right now there's an ah beng that just walked into the comp room. the power of hong kong stars and their dressing habits amazes me. just yesterday i went to the park to jog, when i saw this couple. the guy was actually more beatiful than his gf. with his long blond locks, silky smooth face, and nice eyes, he reminded me of that guy from F4. i think its vince or jerry .can't remember.

This week is going to be a busy week. So little time to study, so many things to do. Lucky my mom is going away for the weekend. i can actually go out. Went to church last week and i spotted so many of my classmates. Miss them very much. Joyce shia looks the same,she still looks like she just finished form 5. Dida actually looks the same too, but now she accentuates her figure by wearing body hugging clothing. and she's still the same person. I can't believe i became less dirty minded after i came out of form 5. She was telling me some jokes, and i can actually feel embarassed. i guess the people around me now are kinda decent (or very innocent!)and i dont think i'll ever be the same dirty minded person anymore.I can't imagine what its like to hook up with angie. hopefully it stays the same.

I cant' wait to go out and watch the movies. i haven't been out with anyone ever since we started sem 4. i have to renew my ties with people. There are 3 movies to watch, namely hitch, miss congeniality 2 and robot, with 3 different groups of friends.i especially want to see brenda and marg, haven't seen them for 5 years now. it seems everyone is going back to study again. Brain's going to singapore and dida's gonna do her masters. Joanne chua is on her way to doing her phd. Amazing, just cant' wait to see everyone again.

Last but not least, i am proud to say that i have lost quite a bit of weight. whether i can go back to my form 5 weight is debatable, but i'm quite happy for now. Just need to exercise a bit more and cut down on all those oily foods. Peninsular malaysia has so much nice food, but its full of santan and oil. i now regret not exercising during my uni days. would have maintained my weight then.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

the emerging disease

i am feeling better right now, having gotten out of my depression funk. visited the pasar malam last night, and gorged myself on things i havent' eaten in a long, long while. the one good thing about malaysia is the pasar malam. i can't imagine going overseas and not enjoying the food from here. i absolutely love the free standing steamboats and their dips, the satays, the cakes, everything that i want to eat is there.and yes, the everpresent illegal dvd's and their porn material.i honestly thought they stopped selling those blue movies years ago. it is so degrading to see women being treated like that. Especially asian women. it just reminds me that asia is stil a third world country in many aspects no matter what the government claims to say.

anyways, the major topic today is about diabetes. i have seen more cases of diabetes in the hospitals when i went there. if one were to go to a ward, probably 4 out of 10 would have diabetes. and the consequences of having this diesase is severe.Not that other diseases aren't but the effects are so obvious that its scary for me to see.i saw a video about the diabetic foot for an hour today, and i was reminded of my visit to the hospital where i saw many elderly patients with the diabetic foot. to see an ulcerated foot is one thing for the patient, but not to have any sense of touch is another thing. it is also scary to note that diabetes is rapidly rising in many parts of the world.

with this in mind, i am definitely going to change my eating habits. still having the occasional ice cream and pizza, but not so much as before. and the most interesting part is that i haven't been to kfc for two months! its a record, considering i usually go there twice in a month.

today will be epidemiology, and not many ppl should be going for class. i will be going cos i just had my csu practice just now. my blood glucose level was 4.9 and i thought it was kinda low cos i didnt' fast and had two eggs this morning.

exam is one week away and i think i am finally going to the ball. i found out i've lost a bit of weight, but i'm 2 kg more to my ideal weight. i have 2 more weeks to lose it. lets see how it goes.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

depression week

this week is the holy week for christians, and what have i done? become an even worse person than i was last year. didn't pray, became a bad tempered person and generally not thinking of christ at all. some more, this is one of times of the year when we're supposed to be closer to god.

the title of my complains this time is appropriate cos it seems everyone around me is in a funk. i myself became depressed and honestly, was really feeling bad until i had to get it all out of my system by scribbling on two long sheets of paper. to put it in such a way, sometimes you want to believe that the world is innocent and nice and smelling of sugar and spice. next thing you know, things are not so clear cut as it seems.

i hate being far away from god cos it makes me a worse person, in terms of how i think and behave. sometimes life is too good to me until i forget that he even exists. Then something has to happen and there i go running back to Him. and i sometimes wished we all were perfect that we all didnt have to hurt each other all the time. Me, i have tons of flaws, but whether i show it or not depends on how people percieve me. Deep huh? Well, sometimes this is the way i think. and its perticularly bad for me last weekend.

on a lighter note, my social life is falling veery fast, cos now my family takes up most of my weekends. exam is on next friday, and i'm trying my best to remember everything by then. She and my bro went to ikea last sunday, and ended up buying a lot of things, and me putting it all together. i don't mind doing that stuff, cos its actually quite fun. then my cousins came, and we all had pizza etc.

i'm really hoping to go out with my friends next week, cos i havent' seen some of them for months. And i feel really guilty about it, cos to them it seems that i don't care about them. just want to go out, update my wardrobe, watch some movies, and have a real gossip session, something which i havent' done for ages.

on a lesser note, life is a continuous cycle. class, lectures, work out at the gym, watch tv, look at notes...blah. can't wait until april comes and i can go back to kuching for the weekend. missing a lot of good food and a lot of nice friends!

about the ball, not sure whether i'm going, cos some ppl say they are, some ppl say they aren't, i don't care. i think i can find my dress one wk before, get some two piece, makeup and hairdo shouldnt' be a problem. i'm just crossing my fingers that the food is good as they say. the last time i went to a ball, i had to pay like nuts and all they served us was fried rice, some soup and normal things. nothing special lah.

anyways i have to go, still have more mails to write...

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

old friends

It feels so weird to write my blog again after a long hiatus. i've read that often people like to write flowery words in their blog. well, so do i, if i wanted to. i guess its just to have fun with your grammars and anything else we learnt in english tuition a long time ago. i just wished that i took up literature when i was in sec. school. i would have enjoyed that. now, i'm don't read classics cos my brain wants to see more of spy/action novels.

my 2 favourite authors now are clive cussler and jeffrey deaver. and yeah, robin cook for his doctors in trouble novels.i just opened my friendsters just now, and i finally had the time to look at all my old classmates and friends. and i can't believe that all of us are already working/studying, cos they all look so GORGEOUS and i look like i just came out of form 5. i can't even believe its still those same girls i went to school with last time. One thing i'm glad of is that they all have good makeup sense and wonderful dressing. to be a woman, that's the best thing to do, cos everyone grades everyone firstly, on how they look. so, yeah, when i do go back, i'll just have a girls night or something and talk crap until the next morning. hopefully we don't end up vomiting on one another.

the gal whose transformation was so amazing is let tik. whoa, when we were teens, all of us had that boyish crop and being tomboyish. that's the good and bad of being in a girls school. tough enough to fight our own fights, but not feminine enough to attract guys (most of us,anyway).and when i saw her on friendsters, she has become such a beautiful young lady. amazing! sometimes you have to see it to believe it.

semester 4 is two weeks ongoing and already i'm busy. not just with studies, but with clubs, and since my mum is here, i have to be busy every weekend, whether shopping, visitng aunty etc. not that i'm complaining, but my time to see friends will be a bit reduced, especially my st tri friends. i'm really hoping to meet them since a large chunk of them are here.hopefully we'll all just get drunk one of these nights

have i talked about sepet yet? i give that movie an A-, and i didn't know vcd sellers can be hot. well, i'll just have to look at them in a more different light now. but honestly, the movie was good, because its original, unpretentious and its something all of us can identify with. no offense, but i have never watched the gerak khas series in all my life.

the next movie to watch is hitch, and probably robots at the imax. i'm still thinking of going to genting, but with who i'm not sure. the ball is 3 weeks away, and i'm still undecided whether i'm going. and i saw kenlin's hamm jersey, which looks nice to me. well, have to rush now, cos praise and worship has started a long time ago. adios vamos!