Thursday, November 11, 2004

religious themes

this week is quite a radical week, and i've had my shares of ups and downs. firstly, my dad came, bought all my things and found out about nenek wai. i really pity her. its not her fault that things happen to her. she's now staying with nenek and i hope they're okay. i really have to get back home and see how they are

i really am homesick now. people are asking me whether i am going back home. i can;t go back. not until i have finished my task. right now my whole being is really stressed out. other people can pass, but i'm not sure of my ability. right now the only person i hope for is god. i do believe that he has helped me, and i need his utmost help once again.

deepavali and hari raya are here, and i'm hoping everyone is in a good mood. i'm in a funk right now, but i hope everything will be better tomorrow. exams are six weeks around the corner, after the gi exams. sometimes i wonder why i even took medicine, to save myself from all the sorrow i cause myself. sometimes i wonder why i didn't just do genetics and work overseas. but i guess the choice i made is the choice i made, and i have to rough it out.

there was one book i read about near death, and it puts a whole new light on the way i see how humans live, and how god created the universe. i'm sorry if i keep writing about god, but the truth is i can never be far away from him. sometimes the only thing i can think of is him. how beautiful and overpowering his love is for everyone on earth. loving us no matter who we are. anyway, back to my book. its called everlasting light by betty ..... and her experience with god. i've asked my dad whether he believes in such things, and he didn't give me a specific awnser. the result is that i've come feeling confused, and at the same time more confident about my faith. whatever it is, i do believe that god works in the interest of everyone, and that we all are here for a specific purpose. according to that book, our spirits have already chosen the path we choose to take before coming to earth, so that we may grow stronger, and enhance our spirit. kinda kooky, but you have to read the book to understand what i'm saying.

well, i'm a reformed again catholic, not that i've ever been far from it, just that my relationship with god now is deeper than it ever was, and i have a lot of people to thank that for. hopefully i will be able to complete the mission that was given to me on earth.