Wednesday, July 27, 2005
i've never been a great fan of poetry...it takes a lot of contemplation for me to truly appreciate their works. but today, for some reason, i am feeling it. haiku's are beautiful. it may consist of only 4 lines, but when you sit back and think about them, and picture those words in your mind, you can actually feel a deep calmness in you.
my trip to genting yesterday was like a 10th anniversary for me, cos that's the last time i went there. nothing's changed;its still the same. only now my phobia of heights has somewhat increased. on the way back yesterday using the cable cars, we stopped for 5 minutes over a ravine. when i looked down, i can imagine the car plunging, and me wondering what i'll be doing in that split second. i don't have a phobia of riding airplanes, i think they're great, but just the thought of me right underneath a ravine makes me sick. i also appreciated the malaysian rainforest yesterday. i don't like secondary rainforest; but when you see huge trees majestically towering over everything else and the fog and clouds drifting above them,it looks so beautiful.
there were only 2 rides which got my adrenaline pumping: the corkscrew and the flying coaster. i like it when i fall down and my stomach lurches up. its kinda funny.the ghost ride was the lamest; i wonder why they even bothered with it at all. genting is great, but i think they should think up of better rides and refurbish the place. just because they are the premeir theme park in malaysia doesn't mean they can take things for granted. the indoor theme park was much better as they had renovated the place. i do agree that its a great place for lovers and if only another person went yesterday, things would have been just perfect.
the weather was really good, and i wished it would be like that for the whole of malaysia. there were a lot of arab and indian tourists...probably the summer hols. the funniest thing yesterday was when i saw this aunty spinning round and round on her motorized boat for 10 minutes flat. and she didn't even look dizzy! she had this serene look on her face and i suspected she was enjoying herself. we all had a laugh at her,and i felt kinda bad in the end. they were tourists, after all, and i shouldnt' be doing that. still...i wonder how she felt for the entire day. she probably will be going back home with Genting's Boat Spinning Record! hahaha
i also finally saw batu caves for the second time yesterday...and i find out that i'm drawn to mountains, hills etc.i guess its because they appear so majestic and yet so lonely. ah.. its the art-loving side of me again. i really must go and get myself a poetry book.
i also realize i have until this weekend to relax, after that it'll be hell for me. i do want to pass my sem 5 and go back home for christmas. i miss the christmas masses at st. joe's church.
i told a friend yesterday i think i've found the perfect guy (according to my standards).He's kinda good-looking, god-fearing, nice guy, athletic, smart, kind hearted, always smiling and overall nice guy. the only thing is he's not available. i know... some friends have told me its not worth it, because two of us are going to be hurt in the end, or i might have to do a total lifestyle makeover. some told me i should just be friends with him..it doesn't mean i have to tackle him or anything. the truth is...i don't know. i appreciate all the advices that have been given to me, and i know my brain is still in control over my heart. but i do hope they would understand my postion if they were in my shoes. my gut tells me its not just a one-way thing. as to how much the mutual like is, i don't know. but i think its there. And it just depends on me.i once told god that i'm very happy that he gave me a chance to feel what love/ liking someone is like. but at the same time, love can bring you immense pain. sure...i might get over him some day...and i might find a better guy some day, but at the moment, its just him.
Monday, July 25, 2005
on sat i went to klcc for some shopping. finally got my jeans shorts there, and another round of binge eating. i had gelare there, and the jamaican chocolate was heavenly! i love my desserts...sigh...
today i went to the ptptn building to get my surat perlepasan pinjaman, only to be told later that mara is freezing all their loans. wow... i really feel like a stupid ass. plus, i got lost going there while all the time i had the address of the building inside my handbag. i know i'm blur in all aspects of life, but i never expected to be THIS blur.
i also am enjoying the LOST series on astro as well as little britain. great comedy... i love the brits dry sense of humor. that show parodies everyone and everything in the uk. and its funny, because there are ppl like that in the uk. i watched oprah yesterday, and it was a really moving show, about teenage girls and how worthless they feel about themselves. One of them actually called herself an ugly beast and said that she's the last person anyone would want to look at. another one said that she feels like she doesn't deserve her family because they were too good for her.
i know how they feel like and i don't blame them.i have my rotten days too, days when i feel like i don't want anybody to see me. i have always been shy since i was a little kid, and i really dont like it when people look at me. i feel that there's something on my face that makes them want to laugh. its amazing that women of all ages can feel so insecure about themselves just because of a thing called the MEDIA. i know somethings can never be changed, and in a horrid way, i'm actually glad i'm not the only one who feels that something is wrong with me.and yes...i think i need to see a shrink
Thursday, July 21, 2005
i am not sure what triggered this unhappy feeling. maybe im stressed out because i'm not studying like i'm supposed to. maybe i'm feeling claustrophobic and need more time to myself. and maybe i'm just frustrated at my condition right now. this feeling is like an itchy feeling. you want to get rid of it, but the more you pay attention to it, the worse it gets.
i wanted to write something really nice today. i had just finished dan brown's da vinci book and am particularly fascinated by the PHI equation. i was also to write something really spiritual today, about my thoughts on my religion, and where my stand is right now. but i can't .... i'll just wait another day.
yesterday i really had a nice cooking session. i truly love cooking, and actually, if i were to suck at medicine, i would like to be a western chef and specialise in desserts. i'd be eating my food most of the time, but who cares? cooking is really nice. it really takes the stress off of you.
i've also been doing so much tests..personality tests, kissing tests...sigh.
1. my kissing purity is 87%
2. i am a great communicator
3. i was a mute dancer in china in the past life
4. my general knowledge is poor, but my vocab and logic are exceptionally high
5. im funky, outdoorsy, hippie, free spirited
6. my daddy is arnold schwarzenegger
7. you all see me as a slow and steady person
8. the keys to my heart are exactly like bren's
9. i'm actually 22 years old
courtesy of blogthings.com
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
3. amazon ( i find this name utterly sexy!)
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. my eyes and my eyelashes. my eyelashes particularly
2. my boobs. just the right size
3. my legs. nice if i'm wearing a knee length skirt
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. my tummy. hate it
2. thighs. hate it even more
3. my round face. its very hard to match clothes, hair and accessories
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
3. british...but its watered down a lot. happened during the rajah occupation, so its about 8 or 9 generations ago.and i think it was a scandalous affair!
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. guys coming up to me
2. people hating me
3. me being confused. i don't like it when im not sure of everything around me
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
2. sweet junk food
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. a knee length skirt
2. my reebok blouse
3. my underused white flat sandals
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
1. U2. they rock, and they're original
2. mariah carey. her octaves are hot
3. jamiroquai...they are weird and eccentric. and i've liked them since sec school
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS:
1. Unbreak my heart - Toni Braxton
2. Water runs dry- boyz 2 men
3. under the stars- mariah carey
Three things you want in a relationship:
1. mutual understanding
3. deep love
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
1. I am actually a shy person
2. I would love to wear a bikini
3. I am into mysticismy
THREE physical things about the preferrd sex that appeals to you:
1. eyes, must be sexy and beautiful
2. good upper chest
3. smile, definitely
THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
2. shopping ( honest!)
3. meeting close friends
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
2. punch someone
3. eat every flavor of ice cream at baskin robbins
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
(2 down, 1 to go)
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. new york
2. south africa
THREE KID'S NAMES YOU LIKE:
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. travel the world and go to remote places
2. join doctors without borders
3. have grandchildren
THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. i love sports
2. i can be detached from people
3. i dont care what people think about me
THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A CHICK:
1. i love makeup and shopping
2. I extremely love gossiping
3. i am a good listener
THREE PEOPLE THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW:
1. Angeline chan
3. megalomaniac giant
Friday, July 15, 2005
It's Week 5 at Stanford, and like I've bemoaned to every one of my friends unfortunate enough to meet me online, I've never studied this hard in my whole life before.
The homeworks just keep a-comin' and 24 hours in a day never seemd so short before. It's 2am right now and I haven't gone to sleep, but I should. Goodness knows I don't get enough of it from Monday to Thursday.
Am staying up late because have been doing an abstract for a term paper for one of the courses I'm taking called Water Resources Management. Have chosen as my topic: the Bakun Hydroelectric Project. And you guys all know what a sensitive subject that is. The problem is, it's really hard to get any data on anything related to Malaysia on the Net and Malaysian scientists don't really publish papers (bad, bad habit people). So I will have to rely on foreign sources of information and on websites that are clearly anti-Bakun...o how to get an objective view on the whole issue??
But seriously, my own personal opinion is that it's just a giant white elephant. Have come across statements from our government ministers saying that Bakun is "environmentally friendly". Hello?? Do they even know what a dam is?? No dam is "environmentally friendly"! Nothing is "environmentally friendly" when you have to raze huge tracts of land and essentially drown it to build the darn thing!
But all that protesting against the project is futile because it's almost complete (should be done by the end of next year or so). The thing I'm hoping to focus on is the impact on the local people, some 10000, that have been relocated to Belaga in 1998 and in some respects, have yet to come to terms with their new homes and adapt. How could they, when you take away the land they've been living on for centuries and essentially tell them to find a new way of living? For all the government's statements about how the project is bringing development to the people, nobody asked if the people were unhappy with how things were and if they even wanted to be "developed" in the first place? I'm sure they might have said "no, thanks" if they knew that they were going to have to leave their fertile land for a less productive one in Belaga, or that they could no longer fish or hunt as freely as their ancestors did, or that they would be compensated for the land they lost but would have to use part of that compensation money to buy houses that the government built for them in Belaga (Huh??). Some of them aren't even compensated due to legaities and such: people in the interion aren't too particular about keeping land records and such. Did you know that one of the saddest things about it is that the graves that they left behind. If they want to relocate the graves, they would be paid RM1,000 and if they leave them behind, they get paid RM2,000 per grave. I have no words.
As good Sarawakians, we just stood aside and let things happen because that's how we Sarawakian do things: we don't like to cause trouble. And keep in mind that the dam was being built in the first place to supply electricity to Peninsular Malaysia.. Not Sarawak, or even Sabah, but Peninsular Malaysia. It boggles the mind. It wouldn't even directly benefit us, the government had to come up with plans to develop side industries like cottage industries or ecotourism so that we wouldn't be totally left out. It brings to mind the image of a dog eating scraps thrown from the master's table. Sigh.
OK, going to stop now before I get ISA-ed. Blogs are dangerous. Didn't Sarah just do a rant against the Establishment a few months back?
It's 2.15am, time to go to sleep. Have to be up at 8am to go to Jasper Ridge (Stanford's "Rimba Ilmu", UM alumni would know what I mean).
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Today i decided to cook fried rice for the FIRST time in my entire life. I had to cook rice twice, because the first time it was too soggy. being the goose that i am, i thought that if i were to slow cook the rice in a pot it would be more dry. in the end, i burnt the rice and the pot. i don't know how i'm going to get rid of all the black marks on the bottom of the pot. i hate scraping stuff.
being a fighter, i tried to cook rice for a second time. this time, it was ok cos i used the little cup they provided to put the correct amount of water. then, i went preparing the ingredients. i put garlic and shallots in first, and i thought of getting the shallots out when they were nicely fried. instead, they turned completely black. The rest of the procedures were okay, and i finally got my fried rice at 11 am this morning. Carrefour has really nice premarinated meat, and this weekend i'm gonna try to cook steak and lamb chops for myself. if i ever get it right, i'll be truly proud of myself.
i had my presentation yesterday, and i'm still a bit scarred. i was really embarassed yesterday because my group was the only one whose q and a was more than 5 minutes, and ALL of the questions were asked by the lecturers. i did enjoy myself for the q and a, but after that i got really tired. and now i think the work we done must have been sucky or else we wouldn't get bombed so much. oh well, anyhow this is worse than when i was in um, cos for some reason, my ex lecturers always let me off the hook. i'm told that when i'm in sem 7 i have to do another research. Oh no!!!! *Sighs dramatically*
I also watched the Amityville Horror with my brother last weekend and let me tell you, i'm still in love with the gsc popcorn. Whether its lite and sweet or caramel, i love em all. The movie was ok, not as corny as ghost train, but i hate it when i myself can see all the ghosts. i think unseen things are scarier. nothing beats jap and thai movies. I'll be waiting for the movie 'the island' next week. and i heard initial d's pretty good too.
This brings me to genting. i've been asked to join friends for a trip there in the next two weeks, and i'm happy. but then i think of all the scary stories and i'm now unsure. to go or not to go? i might be going to redang too. hopefully the redang one does take off cos i've never been there before.
Sunday, July 10, 2005
You're a Goose!
Most folks think you're silly, but those who know you best realize
that you can be quite serious and even vicious! You remind people of dinosaurs
with your stately gait and strange way of staring them down. People also associate
you with pillows and other elements of their bedding, but this just makes you
shudder. If you're from Canada, you've really been bugging people lately. What's
in the bag?
Take the Animal Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.
ah yes, isn't it wonderful to be a goose? i thought that i might be an eagle or a vulture, but nooooooo, i had to be a goose. i've just finished my group research today, and feeling very tired right now. plus, i have to get my individual report done.
i am getting a little bit weighty because of the food i'm eating. lali n gang were supposed to eat mud pie last wednesday and instead, we went to kenny roger's. i'm not complaining, the choc muffin i had that day was superb. but now it means that the hole is my wallet is going to get bigger. i hear there's another REAL mud pie session to be held. Linda is also suggesting that we go to klang to have bakutteh/mud pie.
last thursday, i had durians for breakfast. as a result, i've been called mad. But, if you like something so much, and can't wait to get up in the morning for it, wouldn't any of you do the same thing for me? I want my mom to buy some slices of cake from secret recipe, since my bro is here. and last night, we watched Wrong Turn, such a stupid and disgusting movie.
My bro's hair is back to normal again, he must've chickened out from all the comments he got about his hair.i found out that not many people liked the movie war of the worlds. its boring and has a stupid ending.
i hate doing research, and i hope i never have to do it when i'm working. sure, it is fun discovering the results that you have, but writing and looking for review material is just too much for me. i can't stand it. i'd rather inject 100 patients a day or perform multiple births rather than doing research. my brain is feeling foggy right now.
Renal results came out last week, and the coordinator posted a reply regarding the feedback session. its always a joy for me to read what he has to say because he is so acidic in his comments.
Thursday, July 07, 2005
durian season is on full scale and last sunday i had loads of it. and i still feel like eating it. yesterday i had steak and some really good ice cream. i'll die if i'm dragged to gelare today. too much good food is bad. plus, my dad is here, and my mum will prob want to go to some nice restaurant. sigh.... i really have to jog like mad to make sure it doesn't go to my hips. its true, you know , that fat from the hips is 6times harder to go away than from the tummy.
i watched a bit of live 8 last weekend, and i'm really glad that musicians are taking time off to promote it. but,as to whether the whole thing really made a difference will only be known next week.
i saw this programme on discovery about doctors without frontiers. and its really sad that there are so many rich people as there are poor people. they showed doc and nurses in africa, and i was crying when i saw it. this nurse had to choose 50 ppl from a village to go to a feeing centre. and she had a hard time, because everyone needed help. The children were severely malnourished,and they were in constant pain because they were so thin. the worst part was this little boy who died in the hospital because the employees locked the equipment and he couldn't get a blood transfer. and all they could do, incl his dad, was to just wait for him to die. they say in africa its completely normal to have 2 or 3 of your kids to die. and they don't show any emotions because if they did, they would all be insane.
its true that G8 has to abolish the debt, but at the same time, the african leaders must also be clean. true, its hard to banish corruption completely.everyone wants to be rich, to have nice cars, nice clothes, go on a cruise. Who do i blame? i blame all those developed countries,for flaunting their richness at asia and africa, but not giving a damn about them. From south america, to brazil, to india, there are so many people who need help. true, i can't do anything about them. but i do wish those who could help them will do it. make the world a better place, like mj says.
Friday, July 01, 2005
as part of my selective, my gp had to go to an old folks' home in puchong, just to see how memory loss works, and to do some mental tests. We got lost on the way cos the driver thought we were going to an orphanage, so there we were, circling the same neighborhood 3 times.
i am being bias when i think of the elderly at an old folks' home. i still remembered when i was in form 2, and i had to go and do some charity work at the old folks home run by the Lion's club. it was pretty depressing to see them at the time, because they were really bed-ridden and sad. And i remember this one lady, who was really having dementia, and she kept undressing herself while my senior kept trying to dress her. and suddenly, she just peed on the floor.
When i was on the bus yesterday, i was thinking of that episode, and mentally bracing myself. To my suprise, the old folks' home is kinda small, its housed in a double-story hse. And the ppl there are really robust.Since my study involved questioning old ladies, i had to bring a friend who can speak mandarin, and we zoomed in on a few old ladies. but they were kinda shy...till this one lady came up to us.
i shall call her miss S, and i tell you, even if she's 69 yrs old, she's really a looker. she doesn't have any obvious wrinkles on her face and neck, and she has a very good memory, she scored quite high for the MMSE test. Jacqueline was translating for us most of the time, and this lady would just talk and talk. that was one of the best experiences i have ever had at an old folks' home. she was such a gem, and so were the others. One of the old men even played a harmonica piece for us, and this guy is 70++.
it took away my biasness towards how old folks' home are run, and the good thing about them is that they just dont sit down and stare into space. Miss S tells me in the afternoon they take up part time jobs,and in the evening they go exercise like walking in the parks. the only thing she was sad about was that there was not enough food for them.
i just hope that one day when i do have the cash and the time, i'd really like to help out on earth. i just realised last night, that our lives on earth are so incredibly short. and its true what god says, our lives are just a blink in time,so what we do when we're alive matters a lot :)