depression week

this week is the holy week for christians, and what have i done? become an even worse person than i was last year. didn't pray, became a bad tempered person and generally not thinking of christ at all. some more, this is one of times of the year when we're supposed to be closer to god.

the title of my complains this time is appropriate cos it seems everyone around me is in a funk. i myself became depressed and honestly, was really feeling bad until i had to get it all out of my system by scribbling on two long sheets of paper. to put it in such a way, sometimes you want to believe that the world is innocent and nice and smelling of sugar and spice. next thing you know, things are not so clear cut as it seems.

i hate being far away from god cos it makes me a worse person, in terms of how i think and behave. sometimes life is too good to me until i forget that he even exists. Then something has to happen and there i go running back to Him. and i sometimes wished we all were perfect that we all didnt have to hurt each other all the time. Me, i have tons of flaws, but whether i show it or not depends on how people percieve me. Deep huh? Well, sometimes this is the way i think. and its perticularly bad for me last weekend.

on a lighter note, my social life is falling veery fast, cos now my family takes up most of my weekends. exam is on next friday, and i'm trying my best to remember everything by then. She and my bro went to ikea last sunday, and ended up buying a lot of things, and me putting it all together. i don't mind doing that stuff, cos its actually quite fun. then my cousins came, and we all had pizza etc.

i'm really hoping to go out with my friends next week, cos i havent' seen some of them for months. And i feel really guilty about it, cos to them it seems that i don't care about them. just want to go out, update my wardrobe, watch some movies, and have a real gossip session, something which i havent' done for ages.

on a lesser note, life is a continuous cycle. class, lectures, work out at the gym, watch tv, look at notes...blah. can't wait until april comes and i can go back to kuching for the weekend. missing a lot of good food and a lot of nice friends!

about the ball, not sure whether i'm going, cos some ppl say they are, some ppl say they aren't, i don't care. i think i can find my dress one wk before, get some two piece, makeup and hairdo shouldnt' be a problem. i'm just crossing my fingers that the food is good as they say. the last time i went to a ball, i had to pay like nuts and all they served us was fried rice, some soup and normal things. nothing special lah.

anyways i have to go, still have more mails to write...