Jeebus, i just hate typing. I finally passed up my cfcs this morning, and i'm glad i don't have to see it for the next one more month.just because of the critical review, i spent my whole sunday in front of the pc looking for suitable journals. not to mention haggling over the one and only IMU printer with at least 60 other classmates.
You know what, i hate depending on other people. i hate it that i can't go to hospital on my own, i hate it that i can't go to town on my own, and i hate it when i have to depend on people for stuff. Its not that i hate making human contact, its just that i don't like to trouble other people. And my own feeling that i feel like i'm using people. I don't think anyone will understand how i feel unless they have been very independent for quite a while. So this weekend, i am going to buy my own printer in the hopes that i don't need to ask other people's help to send me to IMU/printing shop/other people's house just to print.
I was very happy in Seremban. Its just a 15 minute walk to school, which i did almost everyday, and getting the added benefit of exercise. And for those of you who have not had early morning walks (aka 6-7 am walks) you should try it. its super nice! There were many shophouses around my area, so looking for essentials like grocery, food, clinic, stationary shops etc was no big deal. AND there is a bus stop which took me to ktm, seremban parade and terminal 1, just in case i wanted to go back to kl or just to go for my mcd's or kfc. Speaking of which, i have NOT HAD both fast foods for about 4 weeks. THat's is long for me. I used to have mcd's once a week. Yeah, i know i'm clogging my arteries, but i was hoping my morning walks would solve a little bit of that problem.
Here in bp, i HAVE NO PLACE TO EXERCISE NEAR MY HOUSE. i'm stuck in my room. Technically, there is a garden just opposite imu, but if i want to exercise there, i will need someone to send me back to my house. See why i'm feeling frustrated now? People have been asking me why i x have a car and why i don't drive. I have a driving license, and i got it when i was 17. Its just that MY PARENTS DON'T WANT ME TO DRIVE. That's just it. Don't ask me why they forbid me to do so. i have no idea. even my brother gets to drive when he comes back home to kuching. Me, i can't even touch the steering wheel of any car that belongs to my parents or my relatives. my brother needs to drive me around town.
I guess i'm frustrated because for once i'm semi independent. Im glad that i have friends who are willing to take me out to eat, send me to hospital or imu and go grocery shopping with me. But there are also times when i wish i had the freedom and accessibility to go out on my own once in a while. Is there a bus service in bp? There is. but it goes straight to the bus terminal and does not pass bp summit. i think i'll just rot in my room for the next few months and try to enjoy myself.
speaking of which,today until this sunday is the freest i've been since coming here. the lecturers are enjoying themselves in Shanghai, and i haven't got my first portfolio back. i still need to look for suitable ebm materials for the first one.
to be honest, i can't wait to get back to sarawak. now i really really want to just go through the next 5 months without any major incidents, pass and just go back. i miss home, i miss my family, i miss my friends and i miss sarawakians. I miss my high school friends. They were the backbone of my life and they still are, even though i don't keep in touch with them very often. in fact, i am guilty of not keeping in touch with them. i think the one reason i stayed so close to them is because even though each and every one of us has our own neurotic personalities, in general we were all behaving the same way: nice, down to earth girls who don't think too highly of themselves, we are comfortable in our own skin, don't twoface or backstab their friends and are very trustworthy (My really close friends anyway). i know i can trust them with my life if i confided something to them, and they can depend on me to do the same thing. ANd i love being with these type of people, u can just relax, be yourself, and nobody gives a damn about you, as long as you are nice. And like i've always said it before, my high school years were and still are the best part of my life :D
Uni was okay, i met a couple of good friends. I've always wondered why are girls always each others best enemies. You seldom see it with guys. In UM, i've seen my own friends backstab another good friend of mine, eventually forcing her to move out of the house in second year. i've seen classmates getting jealous of other classmates achievements, ive seen uber-kiasu ppl in UM, damn, i've seen lots of things. And its usually girl vs girl. Sometimes i wonder what goes on in these girl's minds. What is there to be jealous off? What is there to be bitchy about? I just don't get it sometimes. And the people ive seen hurt are my closest friends. I'm now going to be 27 by the end of this year. And sometimes, trust me, i do feel old. I think i've come to a point where i am beyond all the stupid things i used to do in high school and uni. granted, i'm still not fully mature yet, give me another few more years. Sometimes i'm pretty tired of the drama in life. When i feel really stressed out, i imagine myself just thoughtlessly chain-smoking away, staring at nothing but empty space. That is how i relieve whatever stress i have. No, i have not tried smoking, although i wish i could try one. perhaps when i go back for good, and just try to puff one of my cousins cigs.
in other happier news, my brother told me two weeks ago, that my parents were thinking of buying me car called CHERY QQ. yes, you've heard it rite, CHERY QQ. well, my first reaction was that i was shocked, then i was laughing on the phone for quite some time. The car is made in China and its cheap, in langkawi its price is 18k without tax. in kl its 24K. its a bit bigger than a kancil, and honest to god, it looks like a bug. i so hope they dont buy me that car. i mean i can settle for any car, heck, i've been pestering them to buy me a second hand kenari. my granma has the same car, and its so easy to drive. but a car called CHERY QQ??? when i told my dad about my crushed ego over having to drive a car with a name like that, he also laughed. man, why can't china give non-bimbotic names to their car??? so far, he said he'll buy the car he originally thought of buying for me. i so hope he x change his mind.
My brother has been transferred to Terengganu for 2-3 months for his pilot course before going back to Langkawi. He'll grad in november. i can't believe he and i are going to start work at the same time, and he is 6 years younger than me OK???!!! AND HIS STARTING SALARY IS 4K, FOR JUST STUDYING FOR 2 YEARS. i had to glue my ass to the chair for 5 years just to make sure i pass, and guess what, my starting salary is almost equal to his.
Being a cadet pilot is so relaxing. the first day he was in t'ganu, he was already playing paintball with his classmates. He only has to study for the first year, then for the second year, its all practical stuff. and its a good life. the last time i called him, he said that he flew over the chain of islands just off t'ganu. that must 've been one heck of a beautiful sight. The only thing i can bully him about when he starts working is to get me some stuff, once he starts his overseas flying.
i need to start reading my books. i have not been opening my books for the past 4 weeks because of the ass shitty portfolios. Who the hell said sem 10 was relaxing?
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