my september

summer has come to pass,
the innocent can never rest,
wake me up,
when september ends

by Green Day

Just last night i was sitting in my room and contemplating about death. all the events happening so far, a friend losing a family member, hurricane Katrina, soppy romantic mournful poems, unrequited love not being returned, the mortality of human life, was bogging my brain yesterday. There are so many things i can comment upon, but it would be too much for all of you.

1. Death.

I am afraid of death. i am afraid of dying, be it dying in a car accident, when i'm flying over the South China Sea, or even from food poisoning (i kid you not!). Whenever my family flies here from kuching to kl, i worry about them. i worry that theire flight will be ok. i even worry about my mom when she drives to and fro from work every day. i used to take my family for granted a few years back, but not so much now. i used to not be on really good terms with my mom, but now its ok. i guess god has a funny way of patching things up.

2. New Orleans

I know i've never told you all this, but i used to stay here for half a year when i was 9 years old. my whole family stayed there cos my dad was studying there. The school i went to was all black;i was the only asian there. Everyone assumed i was from China. Thank god they didn't try to speak chinese with me. the only other non black was a white girl. i stayed there from winter till end of summer. During that time, i watched the Mardi Gras parade (got lots of bead necklaces), went for church on weekends, then went walking around the riverside. Lousiana is famous for crawfish, its like a little shrimp and the people there eat it like how we eat kuaci. The French Quarters were very intruiging, there were a lot of strip shows, bars, pubs, cafes. All my classmates were really nice to me, and because i was the smallest girl in class, my teachers were nice to me too, especially during gym time, because i couldn't throw the ball in the basketball hoop. the coach practically had to lift me up for me to dunk the ball in.
When i saw the images on cnn about new orleans, i can't help feeling sad. The majority of people there may be black and may be poor, but they're people all the same, and deserve help. its disgusting to know that even in the superdome, rapes can happen, particularly to small children. Bush as usual, has made a mess out of this situation, and i'm glad his ratings are super low. And i don't think New orleans can ever be rebuilt to its former glory.

3. Unrequited passion

Love comes and goes for every person. For me, i think i'm over it. Frankly, i really am not interested in anyone at all at this moment. I guess i don't have the time to look, and i'm quite fed up of playing a cat and mouse game with guys.And i actually give up on love at the moment.If they liked me, all they have to do is say so in front of my face. it'll save the both of us time. i have been reading soppy poems and hearing stories about luurrrve....so much so that i feel nauseated. As much as i like being a kepochi and as much as i care about the people around me, it just frustrates me everytime i see people getting heartbroken. sometimes i wish love was an easy thing, and i would ALWAYS like to see people getting whom they want. But its not so simple, isnt' it? And if they think their hearts are broken, maybe they should also give a thought to their friends who are supporting them too. I am so fed up of people not getting what they want to the point that if someone asks me what to do, i'll just tell them to try and get to know the person better. then maybe you can see if you REALLY want him/her. A crush is just a crush, nothing else. You're just putting the person on a pedestal without ever knowing him/her. So, to all of you out there reading this, if you know the person and really like the person, GO FOR IT? if he/she doesn't like you back, at least you know before its too late and start mooning like a sick cow.

Oh, and the most amusing thing last night was when my mom was watching Barbwire (Pammie's movie). I don't know what she was concentrating on, because there is no storyline for that movie.