sad

yesterday and today have been sort of bad for me, in terms of emothions. i'm only finding out more about myself. when i'm in a good mood, nothing can burst my bubble. but when i'm really feeling sad/depressed, it feels so bad that my whole world is black.

after reading a friends blog today, i chanced upon my distant relative bernard's blog, and in it were the pic's he took from canada on his recent trip there. you see,since my aunt's family migrated there 5 or 6 years ago, i haven't seen them since, especially my two cousins julian and daryl. i just saw their pics for the first time, and i did feel very sentimental. its just that i haven't seen them since they were in primary school and now they're all grown up and being teens. daryl has become more good-looking; his looks are more to chinese, but a good-looking chinese. juju looks the same...and he's shorter than daryl. my uncle donald looks the same too, but my aunty ann has become plump, and has the exact face like my mom's. i really do miss them, they'll only be coming back to malaysia in 2008. i do hope i can go there and see them instead. i don't keep in touch with them very much, but when you look at the face of person you haven't seen in a long while, your heart does feel broken. sorry if i'm being sentimental...its just that i was quite close to this aunt and uncle...they really treated me like i was their own daughter and did spoil me when i was young. *sigh* but its good to see them after a long time.

today also my friend's father passed away from cancer. she is now in kuching, and i will call her sometime. its sad when a loved one passes away from such a horrible disease... and i can only imagine how she feels now. its hard for her to come back often because her dad was in kch and she's in nz for so long.

i'm also think i'm a rotten person because i haven't kept in touch with most of my friends. and like a bad experience i recently had when i went back to kch, 1 girl probably thought i was too stuck up to keep in touch with her...and so she sort of ignored me when a bunch of us all went out. it hurts a lot because i've known her since primary 6 and she was pretty close to me during my sec school years. my theory is that she was probably scared that i would look down on her, so she decided to diss me off first.

Yesterday my mood swing came on again, and it was so bad i practically felt like a walking lemon. and the haze, oh my god, it came back again. it was so bad that visibility was narrowed to maybe a km only. and this morning the winds were so strong i could literally imagine myself being swept away by it, like the tornadoes and hurricanes we usually see on tv. by the way, i would like to experience them one of these days.

My pbl fasci, dr. R, has a very morbid sense of humor. his is the british type, dry and mocking. but so wickedly funny. he sees malaysia in a Little Emily sort of way. All my pbl mates are nice people,and i do think i will really enjoy my pbl sessions with them. the icing on the cake yesterday had to be dr. RS, who said in class "by the time women are 40 years and above, they will begin to have many problems" then he started to laugh at his own jokes, and we were laughing AT him, Not with him. but its kinda funny watching a guy laughing at his own jokes, and he did it more than twice in class. Musculoskeletal will be kinda tough because there's so much anatomy coming in, and me not being sure how deep i need to study. i miss Dhruba!!!