Labour

sigh. i just recovered from a bout of constipation in the morning. If anyone wants torture me in the future, all they have to do is make me constipated. If someone were to ask me if i would rather be constipated or having diarrhoea, i'd have the latter anytime, anyday. Its just like giving birth, something wants to come out but can't come out. so you have to push and push,and in the back of your mind there's always the thought of your anus getting torn off in the process. i solved the problem by taking some concentrated fiber drink, 1 big bottle of water and 1 banana. The torture i had to go through.
yesterday evening i spent my time in the labour room at the hospital and upon arriving i was fortunate to see a patient giving birth. Its amazing to see a woman's vagina dilating just to accomodate a baby's head. and when the head finally came through, i was so worried that the vagina might tear. sometimes if the vagina doesn't dilate enough, they cut it to make the birthing process easier. I keep telling myself again and again that i don't want to have a baby. Watching a woman give birth makes me feel sick. i can't imagine myself going through such pain. After the baby came out, the placenta came out next. the nurse had to pull out the placenta bit by bit. I was excited because it was the first ever placenta that i saw. I wanted to touch it but the nurse asked me to help her with something else. the part where they had to sew up the patient's vagina after the whole ordeal was the worst. i know the pain that they feel is considerably less than during the birthing process, but still, its a needle that's going into your flesh. Worse still, i can't imagine myself giving birth to babies and doing episiotomies on patients, without anaesthesia. I have ruled out specialising in obs and gynae. Let the men handle it.
Speaking of men, yesterday a first time mother requested that her husband be by her side when she gave birth, and he didn't dare to go into the labour room! I mean, come on, you made her pregnant in the first place,can't you at least have some guts to be with her? After all,she's the one who has to suffer, not you. I tell you, if the next time my husband does that, i swear i'll go out of the labour room and "ketuk' his head. sorry guys, but all you have had to do is to donate you sperm, and there's an endless supply of where that comes from. I wished god made both men and women able to give birth. I'm really thinking of having a c-section, but it takes a longer time to heal. and i can only have a max of 2-3 kids. Gee, i don't know.
Tomorrow i'll be on call again for the whole day. the next week will be hell for me because i have to interview my patients before the lecturer arrives in the morning. so every night i'll have to be at the hospital. In the mornings i have to be in the hospital by 7.15 am. Yup, its very tiring, but sooner or later i'll adjust to it.

Obs and gynae

well,its 3 days since i've been posted to the obstetrics ward. And in a space of 3 days i've been called 'depressed' and 'lonely' by my lecturer. he's just joking of course, but its funny that i have 2 names already. i sound like a mental person don't i?
Its no secret that this posting is the busiest of all. we're supposed to know all the patients and do a lot of other clinical things besides, like doing a vaginal examination, go to the labour room and operation theatre and learn how to do a proper abdominal palpation. i always hate it during the first week of a new posting cos i have to adjust myself all over again. but i'm beginning to enjoy myself. i havent had the time to properly study yet. if you ask me about the theoretical part of obs, chances are i can't awnser you most of the time. since it is my clinical years, i would like to focus on how to be able to pick up the signs. but yeah, i know i should know a lot of stuff. sometimes i wished people don't expect to know everthing about medicine. i'm average, or maybe a little less, compared to others. true, i'm supposed to know broadly about a lot of topics, but i may not know in detail about every single little thing in medicine. i just don't have the time to read so much. even the lecturers hate to see students in the library all the time. it is true that we can learn so much from patients.
i didn't sleep so well for the first two days. i had to prepare a seminar on cardiotocography, something i'm ABSOLUTELY blank about. i had to go to the ward at night to look at the cases, then take the pictures with my camera, then prepare slides for it. i got slaughtered, but at least i did my work.
What i love about this posting is listening to fetal heart sounds, and palpating for the fetus. I feel happy whenever i can hear the fetus's heart rate, its like being given insight in to a new life, and knowing that its healthy and coming into this world.
I don't feel like getting pregnant next time (although i know this will change). the thought of my vagina strectching and the possibiliy of tears around the perineum, coupled with the labour pains makes me feel sick. If i had a choice, i'm going to go for a C-section.
I watched the devil wears prada. the clothes that anne hathaway wears are simply gorgeous. and so are the lead actors in the movie. I am completely in love with simon baker's character. Hey, i wouldn't mind a guy like that sweeping me off my feet, if only once in a lifetime! i also did some hard core shopping over the weekend, and bought myself 3 pairs of shoes. I got two sandals from vincci for 46 bucks. Not bad eh? i wanted to get some wedges, but it was too expenxive,plus my feet might be in agonising pain.
tonight i'm on call again. I want to finish clarking cases before tomorrow's presentation.

bye-bye paeds

i had my exam this morning, and after all the studying, fretting and worrying i found out i was to clark a patient who was a newly diagnosed diabetic. i am happy that i got this case, but at the same time i wished i had the commoner cases seen in the ward aka acute bronciolitis, viral pneumonia, simple febrile fits. thank god i didn't get the more challenging cases. i would have died on the spot. i had to present to my examiner for 20 minutes. it was ok, i was nervous but i did not melt into a puddle on the floor. the worst moments were when i had to do a COMPLETE physical examination in 30 minutes flat. i was really sweating cos the cns and musculoskeletal examinations took 20 minutes alone. the remainding time i had to space out between the other 3 systems. Thank god again my patient was very accomodating and took it as some sort of game. now that its over i'm having post exam symptoms like headache, coryza and general lethargy. and i still have 2 more case reports and 2 more case summaries to write. i can't wait to go back to kl this friday and see my mum. i want to go out with her and let her spend all her hard earned cash on me :) i will be celebrating the end of exams by gorging on food. everyone's losing weight except me.

paeds final week

it will be the 5th week of paeds, and how do i feel? sad that i'm going to leave this posting actually. when i first started out, i hated it because i couldn't stand the crying children and the difficulty in getting them to cooperate doing a phys exa. however as the weeks went by, i learnt how to be friendly with children and get them into letting me examine them. i have not gone back to kl for a month and during my 3rd week i missed my mom so much. the whole family visited me yesterday and i had a good lunch outing with them. my bro also bought me 1 big box of orange flavored chocs from langkawi. the next time he's flying down i want him to buy more biscuits for me. i can't help being a pig when it comes to food.
exam will be next thursday and i hope that i have sufficient brain memory to remember my stuff. this weekend i wanna shop for shoes. i hear there's raya sales everywhere. Shoes, shoes, i can't live without at least 5 different pairs. my ultimate purchase would be knee length black boots which i would wear with a skirt. i know i would look crazy if i were to wear it in kl. maybe i'll buy it before going somewhere for a holiday.
ramadan has started last week,and there's this ramadan bazaar just outside of my house. so far the food there is limited in choice but oklah. i would like to go to the bazaar at Ampangan. my classmate tells me they sell creme caramel for rm1.mmmm...
i also finally got net connection at my place, and i've been busy downloading tons of songs from the net. originally im supposed to be a good girl and use the net for research but i end up doing dumb stuff. the last frivolous thing i did was to check what aura i emit. it was a yellow. i don't know why i am so into this stuff like astrology, numerology etc. it just fascinates me. even though i know it can be crap and untrue,but sometimes i feel like at least 40% of what they say about me sounds true.
i plan to watch the Banquet starring zhang ziyi. its been a long time since i've watched a movie.

Karma

last week i had a kindof deep conversation with a friend. it was about how to ignore the people who seem to make her life hell. Im sure we all remember the times we were in school and each of us were in our own little cliques. When i told her about life in my secondary school, she couldn't believe that there were so many different characters to be found just in one place. i told her then and there that the best place to send our daughters would be to a girls school because thats where they grow up fast and learn about other peoples's characters. to me, guys are more straightforward. you know what they really want to do according to their actions. but girls...are a bit more mysterious. if i were to equate girls with an animal, id have to say a cat. i don't know. there are so many different facets of a cat that seems to resemble a woman. Anyway, i've always been able to avoid direct catfights cos i either mind my own business/ i keep a low profile/ people do not want to mess with me. My ego sincerely hopes its the latter. i do feel sad for girls who have not matured and have not grown out of their secondary school days. i dont see the point of girls making fun of other girls and acting like they're the coolest people on the entire planet. I do believe that each of us should mature according to our time, and we should learn from our own mistakes. when i was in my early twenties, i did a lot of stupid things. but if i didnt do them and regretted my actions, i would have been doing it today. and that would be majorly embarassing.

I also believe god works in truly mysterious ways. Each of us here on earth has a specific mission to do, and no matter how we stray far away from our supposed path, he will always lead us back to it. And i believe that if we do want to be useful people on earth, if we are sincere and do ask god to let us be His instrument, he will awnser our prayer, but not in a way that we expect. And i'm sure i'm not the only one who has experienced this.

And finally, even though i am a christian, i fully believe in the laws of nature and Karma, whereby whatever you do will come back to you. I dunnolah, just that i got pissed of listening to my friend's story of how she got treated by people around her.

today i went to the paeds ward in PD. we clarked some cases and presented them to my lecturer. i am still having a problem in making up the differential diagnoses for the different cases. Paeds to me is not that hard to study. the hardest thing is to take an excellent history and to be superobservant. And its true that 80% of your provisional diagnoses comes from the history taking. Whatever it is, i'm NOT interested in becoming a paediatrician. i'll stick to my dermatology, thank you very much!

Paeds

I am now in the tmnet office waiting for the queue. its fantastic that they have a free net browsing service (even though its only 15 minutes). Its been a week into paeds, and so far, i have no complaints. i still feel a bit lost though, as i haven't had any case presentations yet. I made a child cry today just by standing next to her bed. how bad is that? its fun, but i dont think i will specialise in it.

Paeds

on holiday

hmph... i have had a 1 month holiday and now i'm into the 3rd week. what have i been doing?

week 1 : clean house and do all sorts of nonsense.
install yahoo games into computer and play until eyes are tired.
i highly suggest Luxor. all you have to do is burst the colored balls. i'm now in level 8 and i can't get past it!!!

week 2: went for a holiday to South africa. Was there for a week, took thousands of photos and ate seafood the whole time. I'll blog about it next weeklah

week 3: start a little bit of reading and have to complete research. i'm supposed to interview 120 subjects. Shuttling back between kl and seremban is tiring.

week 4 : have to move house to my new place which is just 5 minutes away. i dread moving stuff, especially my books.

IN the meantime, i have finished reading Stephen King's the Cell. its a great book about zombies. Anyone who has a fetish for zombies like me should check it out. I actually have no idea why i'm in love with zombies?!

Am now reading another book Wicked witch of the West. Its supposedly an adult version of the story. And i'm trying to finish The Mysterious Island by Jules Verne.

i've also tidied up my blog cos its so outdated. For those who used to use unkymood smilies, its back and you have to search under the title Punkymoods.

I also watched Siti's wedding last monday but fell asleep just as Dato' K was about to say his wedding vows. I woke up just in time to see end of the majlis. Both my mum and i think her makeup was superb. And check out her HUGE diamond 'merisik' ring. That's really BLING.

Bye bye brother

to all kuchingites who are not in kuching....did you guys know that sarawak club was burnt down on wednesday night? My grandma was woken up by the noise, it happened around 3 am. The pictures are available on Star online. Sorrylah, i'm too lazy to post pics now. It seems the entire building is gone, the only thing left are the tennis courts. Its a shame, isn't it. I hope they'll build a more beautiful club.

My brother will be changing study courses. Last month he went for an interview with MAS, and now his dream of becoming a PILOT will come true. He's going to sign some agreement with mas today, and by next week he'll be flying of to langkawi. And i think he'll start work earlier than me. As much as i think my brother can be annoying and downright sarcastic, i'm going to miss him. After all, i've bullied him ever since he was a baby. its hard to imagine him being on his own. My weekends now are going to be very boring without him.

My first PD trip

Last saturday my mom's office organized a family day for the weekend. they picked me up at noon, but couldn't stop in front of my house because the road leading to it was blocked by worshippers from a nearby temple. its a festival honoring one of the hindu gods, and that day a lot of them were doing a procession and carrying kabbadis. so, i had to walk to the main road where she could pick me up.
the place where we stayed was the corus hotel. it has 9 floors and we stayed on the second. my cousins came along for this trip with my aunt. i was too lazy to join in the competitions so i did a little bit of studying in the afternoon. then about 2 hours later i had to save my youngest cousin from the adults. we all went swimming in the pool later on. coincidentally, this is the first time since march that i've gone swimming. thank god i still remember my strokes !

dinner was around 8pm. my mom had to give a speech, and there were a few dance performances from the office staff. the food that they served was good, and i myself ate around 6 mussels. Yum........my little cousin didn't even want to touch anything else aside from musssels. I overate as usual (i don't get to eat good food during the weekdays) then sat back on my chair and watched the performances. Majority of it was karaoke done by the office workers. A few were good, and most were OK-lah (note that i am being very generous in giving my praises for this). I went back to my room around 10.30 after seeing my cousins perform with my mom. Again, i thank god i was being excused not to perform with them, it was a dance routine. I would have been jiggling my ass on the stage for 10 minutes, and its not a pretty sight ;P

the next morning i planned to swim again, but i woke up to find the pool colonised by little kids. so i took a walk around the hotel grounds. and i had to watch something gruesome. i saw this big, bad , ugly crow attacking this small little pretty blue bird. it was going for the little birds head, trying to decapitate it. and the most pitiful thing is that the bird's group was trying to defend it from the crow by sporadically swooping down on the crow. Yucks...its watching animal planet live. i didn't stick around for the crow to win.

yesterday i had a teaching session, and it was my turn to present. one of my colleagues patient, who has anxiety, depression and insomnia came to be assessed by my lecturer. No one wanted to clerk him, and i was obliged to do it. but it was good in a way, because i got a satisfactory mark from interviewing him. I think that will be the end of my clerking days, cos i gotta give everyone else a chance. Each of us is supposed to clerk a minimum of two patients.

My dad will be coming to kl this weekend and i am naturally overjoyed. sometimes its good to be the only girl in the family. The mega sale is also just starting, and here are some the things i need/want:

1. a new pair of sneakers (preferably Skechers)
2. Stephen King's THe Cell
3. A mini Jansport backpack
4. New specs (hopefully)

Mom will be buying me a new handbag since my bro says the current one looks like an old lady's bag. Why are younger brothers so irritating?

PS. I am also glad my cousin jasmine is back at home. I hope this will never happen again.

Its HOT

The haze is back, and Seremban is ****ing hot. I feel like i'm in Africa, especially in the afternoons. And i drink 2 big bottles of mineral water just to stay cool.

Last friday i went to buy tickets for Pirates, and i had to wait one hour in line just to buy tickets for saturday's show. But it was worth it. On saturday itself the line stretched from the GSC counter all the way to mcd's at midv. And the cinema was bloody full! and cold. I give the movie 8/10. I think johnny depp as jack sparrow is smoking...hum, can't wait for the 3rd installment. i'm tempted to watch American haunting and Lady in the water.

My 2 weeks of relaxation are over. i've now officially finished my MO and MCH week. Next week is back to clerking patients. This weekend i'm going to Port Dickson for family day organized by my mom's office. i wont be dipping myself in the beach per se, i'm happy enough with the swimming pool. BUT i do hope that there will be good food. i'm hankering for some fish and lots of seafood. To hell with my cholesterol levels! I know its bad but i can't resist.

Pirates are here!

I have an hour left before i go back to kl. i am gonna skip my plenary this afternoon (its about ethics) and i figure that i'm not so bad in the moral department. the sole reason why i'm going back so early is to book tickets at gsc midvalley for the pirates 2. i've tried online booking and sms but its all reserved. i think if i were to actually go there and buy the tickets it would be ok. this week is relaxing for me, i was posted to the maternal and child health section of the community clinic.

its interesting to see what sort of cases they have there, and also a joy to hold babies. hehehe...i've been praised for holding a baby the right way by my colleagues, so yeah. the worst thing a baby has to undergo is immunisation. i have to learn the correct way to immunize a baby, but when they start to cry and wail...i feel that my heart gets broken too. Other things i did was to palpate pregnant mother's tummy, do booking for first time mothers and family planning.

the highlight of the week was going for school visit, where we follow the schoo health van to primary and secondary schools. it reminds me back to My own schoolyears. i remembered that i didn't cry when they jabbed me in standard 1. On that particular day , it was jabbing time for the standard 1 pupils. none of them cried, and i actually got to see head lice for the first time. I feel really 'geli' to see the insects moving around a girl's head. I also examined for testicular abnormalities in schoolboys. i had to feel whether their testes was absent or not. It made me feel like a paedophile for 10 minutes.

the immunization program is really good, and i'm thankful that our government does take good care of its people. times have changed, and the immunization schedule has undergone a bit of transformation too. i wouldn't mind going to school visits when i'm a dr next time, its fun to see the school children at their most innocent.

now, i shall try my luck at buying tickets for tomorrow.

Today is 7 july 2006.

1. i had a mid posting mcq and i passed.

2. i ate a tuna sandwich for lunch

3. i played with the official university cat who is pregnant. She is also very sweet. i wished i had a cat like that.

4. i attened my cfcs meeting. it was a bit unorganized because some members were absent. i'll be going to visit my patient next week.

5. spotted a cute guy today. ehem.... and no, its not an imu student.

6. will be going back to kl today. i have been going back every weekend since i started this posting. i am not used to this.

7. feel like going shopping and buying a romance book. i swore i would never touch a romance book after form 5, and look what has happened now.

8. my skirt is now tight around my waist because i overate for lunch. i wish i had no fat.

9. heard paris hilton's single for the dozenth time this morning. the girl can't sing. but she can frolic very well

10. Forgot to clean my contact lens last night and have to wear specs today. contact lenses are so much more comfortable.

11. will be having a lecture on pregnancy later. aren't pregnant females interesting??

12. am constantly amused by the seremban chickens. did i mention that i saw a chicken in the middle of seremban town? we don't see that in kuching, do we?

13. i wish that male mange characters are actually real life humans. The world would be a happier place for females.

my top 3 manga bishonen :

1. samurai x
2. hatake kakashi
3. inu yasha

Favourite baddie: Sephiroth (FF7) and Orochimaru (Naruto)

Why do the bad guys always have to be drop dead gorgeous??

Note: i also went to the pizza hut party with my posting mates. i took a lot of pics but i still have to downsize them first before posting them up. i ate 3 large slices that night, and took a slice of chocolate walnut cake. i then waddled like a penguin because i was overstuffed!!!

first of all, i'm happy to note that my blog is still being read by other bloggers out there. from my own observation, it seems 99.99% of my readers are secret fans (just joking!!). its getting harder to blog nowadays, cos i don't have internet access at my own place. in august i'll be moving house which does have access. i'm gonna miss my old room and the house. its really comfy and BIG, complete with its own bathroom. the new place i'm staying will be with my batchmates. it'll be about 10 minutes further and i have to have transport now. the new room is just empty and i have to buy new furniture. i hate moving house, packing and unpacking and cleaning everything.

My aunt is doing a course for 3 months in kl, so i'll be seeing her whenever i go back to BJ. surprisingly, she's not the shopping maniac i thought she was. i am an acclaimed shopaholic, i just love walking around malls. there's so many things to see. i can exercise, and destress at the same time. i just wished i had more money to spend though. i even had to ask my dad to buy me stephen king's latest 'the cell' cos it was so expensive.

Family med is pretty relaxing. but i hate it when it comes to teaching sessions. last week i clerked a patient with depression and i got a scolding from the lecturer for telling a 'grandmother story'. its the first time i saw a patient with depression, and its really interesting. i don't think i'll be interested to work in psychiatry though, its just not me. Honestly, i will probably be working in the medical wards after i grad. i'm still gonnna try and see if dermatology is really my thing. and tomorrow night the students in my posting are gonna have some pizza hut party with a lecturer. its pretty funny, cos we're the only internal med posting that gets to have a party with her. me, i'm just going for the pizze and pictures.

the newspapers are still commenting about the riff between the pm and expm. i think its just blown out of proportion. i personally just want to have this issue finished with and let the pm do his job. I am also pretty sad that brazil lost to france. i didn't side any team, but i thought brazil would have won over aging france. i predict...germany vs. portugal for the finals. the samba boys were probably too overconfident that they would win.

as for england...i think it was brave of david beckham to publicly step down as captain. i think he did a good job in his 6 years. i wonder who's going to replace him. Sven goran should have been replaced a LONG time ago. they seem to be getting nowhere with him. and i think the british press are obsessed with the WAGs (wives and girlfriends) of the english players. its come to a point where you feel sick looking at their pics in the newspapers everyday and read about their exorbitant shopping and clubbing. do i sound jealous of them? maybe i am. but to me it seems like a big waste of one's life doing nothing but shopping and getting drunk all the time. Thank god victoria was smart enough not to join them.

I passed!!

Its now 2pm and i'm really hungry. i've decided to semi fast in order to lose weight. i've gained 1kg, and i was only in the 1st week of family med. today we had a long cp at the outpatient clinic. i've realised that the older patients love to talk, including telling us about their complete life story. i'm wondering how i should interrupt them , because if not the session would just drag on.

Then yesterday, i got a pep talk from my mom, telling me about my weaknessess and so on. 1 thing she kept bringing up is the fact that i'm quiet and surly. You know, i'm really not sure if its true, but i don't think i'm THAT bad with my friends and acquaintances. maybe its just how i act around my family. Yes, it is a bad trait, and yes, i am going to try my best to improve myself. Then, she compared me to a cousin, who's really hyperactive and i felt really pissed off, cos hey, not everyone is born to be an energizer bunny. i have my good days and my bad days and i do smile at people (maybe not so much compared to others). or maybe i'm just in self denial.

so yesterday, i was feeling pretty depressed about myself (body image, pychosocial, crap) and i think that everyone has their own demons to solve. true, most of us are fortunate enough to have families, to be able to study, have enough for our basic needs, but there are still some things that we are not satisfied with ourselves. i was praying today and as i was praying, i realised that God does love each and everyone of us, no matter who we are, what we do or who we look like. There's something inside each and everyone of us that he loves. Usually i ignore god for the rest of the day, but in the mornings, its my time to have a 'one-on-one 'with him.

without God, i honestly would be lost and helpless in this world. And i think that no matter what religion one practices it is still God.

Okay, Superman aka Spandex is coming to theatres this week. i am not going to watch it because i'm not a fan (not even the cartoon series). However, i have been reading naruto like mad. i have just finished manga number 262, and the lastest edition is number 313. so, i have 51 episodes to go. Can i finish it by this week? You betcha!!

A thief broke into my house last sunday. he didnt physically enter the house, but he forcefully opened one of the dining room windows. Only a digital cam was stolen,but the weird thing was, he also fished out my dad's jacket and shirt, and then carefully folded it and put it on the patio table. He also didn't take any of the expensive pens in my dad's jacket. Then, he stole one of my dad's sandals, and he also stole a neighbour's shirt. What a 'polite thief'. i told my grandma that if i was there, i'd probably slap the fella, but my gran told me i'd probably be scared shitless instead. True, i would be, but if rage overcomes fear anything can happen.
i hate people who steal from other people. God tells us to forgive others, but forgiveness is not on my mind right now.

i'm back

After a one week break, i do feel great...until my family med session this morning. A lot of classmates tell me that its relaxed, but i dont' think soooo. the days are fully packed, but there are less reports to write. and everything is so broad. its like we're learning a bit of every posting for semester 6 and seven.

i have been watching a whole lot of tv, and i finished naruto episodes 71-100 in 3 days. i love that anime. I wish i had superpowers too. maybe i'll summon a bat or a chicken. movie wise, i saw 16 blocks, quite average. i thought of watching tokyo drift, but my better sense prevailed against it. it got really bad ratings from the newspapers. superman? i'm gonna give it a go as well, i'v never been a big fan of the comic series. i guess i'm just gonna hafta wait for pirates 2. I also finished reading jeffrey deaver's latest novel, the 12th card. next up for me will be stephen king's the Cell.

ironing weekend

First of all, congratulations to all those docs who just graduated from imu and also to my batch during last saturday's convocation ceremony. i personally did not go, cos i've already had one a long time ago. if i were to go, i would have had attended 3 graduations by the time i'm 30!! At the graduation Dr francis achike, dr thani and dr jpj attended. i heard that dr thani took pictures for everyone and that later our whole batch took a picture together. Really nice...

i spent my whole saturday ironing my mother's work clothes, she didn't iron for a whole two weeks. i can safely say that i ironed around 20 pieces of clothing. Fortunately for me, there was some reward in the end. I got my first piece of silk accessory from her during her trip to china. its a blanket and its really beautiful. Did you know that if you sleep with a silk pillowcase your hair will be less damaged? i just found that out while reading june's cleo.

I went to watch x-men on saturday too. the movie was okay, but there was very little screen time for Angel. Jean Grey and Mystique's character are the best. i feel like watching xmen 1 and 2 . Watching the movie almost made me feel that i should have superpowers too. i'm undecided on what superpowers i should have

in 2 weeks time i'll be finishing my internal med posting and having a one week holiday. my aunt and family will be coming here, so i plan to do some serious shopping and visiting aquaria klcc. I love fish. I love starfish even more! Just joking... but i do remember touching a starfish when i was young, and it felt pretty good. I also plan to watch lots of anime shows and read up on as much manga as i can.

I'm supposed to have a quiz today, and thank god its postponed. i would have died on the spot if the lecturer were to do a spot quiz.

Happy Labour DAy!

i had a nice 3 day holiday during the weekend; i went back to bj to spend some time with my mom. this week on national geo they're having Bible week, and i sure wish i had astro at seremban. i am interested about the one on armageddon. death and destruction have been my staple ever since Hollywood decided to brainwash the world with its movies.

i will not deny that the gospel of judas exists, however, i do not have to believe it wholeheartedly either. and i do plan to see the da vinci code in cinema. i think its wise to see other aspects of ones religions, as it will help me to understand what people view my religion as, and how i can better help them to understand it.

anyway, im' having quite some fun in int med. i don't deny it drives me crazy, but the cases i see are akin to solving a jigsaw puzzle. and its different from surgery where you gotta think of so many things, and try to exclude them one by one. i've forgotten a lot of things during bj, so there's a lot of reading to do.

still, i can't wait for family med to start!!

and yeah, i just did my first blood sample last friday. it wasnt' as scary as it turned out to be.

am reading jrr tolkien's the hobbit during my spare time. and eating a lot in seremban while i'm at it. maybe its all the stress....

and yes, to all my friends who are in pms/ are going soon, i do miss you guys a LOT.

*sob*

and now...internal med

SIGH....

i've just finished my exam for surgery this morning. I THINK i passed, but that depends on my examiners. There were a lot of questions i couldn't awnser, and after 4 hours i still feel like a total fool. I have loss of appetite today, but dont fret guys...i'll be okay by tomorrow.

Clinical school is so different from Bj. here, you are not only expected to go to the wards and clark patients to improve your history taking, but also have to find time to study. its pretty stressful sometimes, but enjoyable on the whole. i still have to buck up a LOT on anatomy cos it sucks!!!

i have enjoyed my surgery posting though...and i'll have to work even harder for internal med. it'll be 3 months of hard work for me, then i'll be able to relax a bit for family med. We're gonna have a feedback session for todays exam, i hope it'll be okay.

this weekend i have a lot of reports to write, so i won't be able to go back and see my family. plus, i have to learn how to read the ecg, which is no mean feat :(
i feel like watching a movie this weekend (if i have the time). Poseidon will be coming out on 11 may, so i do want to watch it. the rest...ah, i'll watch it on dvdlah. I realised i can't live without astro. since coming to seremban, i am forced to watch mainstream tv, some programs are nice, but on the whole they are kinda boring. I miss my MTV,HBO, National geographic and starworld.

I am now a fan of naruto...the characters are pretty cool, but weird. what i dont get is this boy carrying a large gourd on his back (?).

life in seremban

it is now my 3rd week in seremban. how do i feel?

a. stupid
b. tired
c. extremely stupid


i am now housemates with lali, natalia, meera and kar seng. the house where we are staying is pretty big, so much so that on the first week itself there was some sort of pseudo-robber that wanted to come in our house.

life in clinical school is a very different contrast to that of BJ. whereas i could play around in bj, here its more of getting down to business. i sort of regretted of not doing anything worthwhile during my two months in kuching, but without my break, i would definitely get burnt out by now.

my batch is divided into 3 postings, namely internal medicine, general surgery and family medicine. i am in surgery along with 2 other housemates. it is not a relaxed posting, as we should ideally start working hard during the first week itself, but i am quite happy doing this posting.

there are a lot of 'firsts' for me during the 3 weeks here; 1st time going in to the operation theatre (OT), first time seeing endoscopy, first time doing a lot of things basically. And we have to do 95% of our own studies.that is hard, because you can choose to learn everything in medicine, or learn only specific topics. and because medicine is so broad,sometimes when i think of the things i study i feel sick.

and during the first week itself, i had a culture shock, knowing what hard work i need to do in seremban, and i sometimes wonder if i had actually made the right choice doing medicine. now, i think i should be adjusting ok to life here.

a typical day in my life goes like this:

6.30 am- try to wake up from sleep

7.30am- walk to school

8 am- be in the wards to clark patients

10 am- go to ot/endo rm to see procedures

break for lunch

2-4pm -csu/plenary/discussions

5pm-drag my aching feet back home

7pm- if there is on-call , will go to on call

9.30pm- arrive home. chit chat, eat, blah blah

10.30 pm- try to rearrange clarking notes and try to study a bit

11pm- zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


it also doesn't help that the lecturers here will gleefully do their best to make you feel stupid ( they always do), but we all know their intentions are for the best. sometimes i feel scared opening my mouth to awnser a question because i know the lecturer is so vastly experienced compared to me. but what can i do, i will gladly take the humiliations for another 2years :)

1 thing good about my life now is that i TRULY appreciate my weekends. i will gladly stay in bed and loiter about the house for a whole day. and now i also appreciate wearing sandals and flipflops on weekends cos now i have to wear formal shoes all the time. sigh...........

what i have been doing this week

Today i'm gonna visit this little tyke:




I'll be watching this tomorrow:



and i have just finished reading this book.




the shining is the most wacked out book i've read from king so far. i myself feel crazy reading what the characters think. i've been going to the Swak club gym and library, and am surprised that the librarian still remembers me. its been ages since i've been there, and the romance books are still the same ( i used to borrow them a lot). i've grown out of that, and now all the mystery and murder writers top my to-read list. my dad bought the narnia compilation, but i felt bored reading it. i guess i'm past it.

its two more weeks to CNY and the neighbour behind me is busy playing firecrackers everyday. at 7.30 pm precisely.this may sound a bit crazy, but i do actually miss the red firecrackers that they play at midnite. somehow it doesn't seem like cny without it. the neighbors are busy cleaning their houses for the big occasion.

so far, so good. i'm enjoying the hols with loads of food to eat.

durian madness

i am seriously tired after going to both my kampungs today. i woke up at 4.30 am just because one of my grannies suggested that we should start the trip at 6 am. then in the end, she came the latest. all that waking up for nothing!

we were supposed to go to my mum's land to pluck some durians. The villagers there said that there was a lot.the trip there took around 4 hours. we stopped at Lachau on the way,and surprise, surprise, there were lots of durians! i think the area around lachau is the only one that is fruiting, cos its not really durian season in kch yet. one thing good about going to rural areas is that the produce is fresh , and there are so many things you feel like buying.

i slept throughout the journey there. when we arrived, we were told that most of the villagers had plucked the durians, except for 1 tree, cos the fruits are still too young. well, at least we won't go back empty handed. my uncle is good at climbing trees, so he was the one who was plucking it. the rest of us just stayed and looked around in the jungle. as soon as we entered the jungle, the mosquitoes surrounded us. its really scary to see the familiar black and white stripe of the aedes mosquito. luckily we brought repellent. there were lots of other fruit trees around, and me being a city girl, got excited to see fruits in the wild.

all the durians we collected were still young.we collected about 13 durians altogether. then we stopped at lachau again to buy the ripe ones, as well as a few other things. i couldn't sleep on the way back cos the road was too bumpy. the weather today was fine, and the Hose mountain range looked beautiful.its hard to imagine that on the other side of mountain lies kalimantan. so near and yet so far.

my little nephew is back home today, and screaming his lungs out. he's really cute, his brows furrow when he sleeps, like he's thinking about some hard math problem or something. btw, if anyone has watched the series numbers, the older brother don is a hottie!

auntie sarah

i've been very excited about getting a new niece/nephew for quite some time, so today i'm officially an aunty (big round of applause). my nephew was born around 12.30 this afternoon, and tonight i got my first peep at him. he weighs 3.5 kg, pretty big for a baby.he's got lots of hair (even on his ears) and is still fast asleep right now. he'll be fit go back tmr and i can't wait to see him for real on saturday. he doesn't have a name a the moment. i wish to call him matthew surak. Surak means sunshine in bidayuh. his parents want to call him rayes kulo. They probably have their own reason.

i didn't go for exercise today cos it was raining cats n dogs. tmr i have to go to gym as well as to parkson to get a long overdue xmas present for a friend. i am going to be down with the flu soon and that sucks. am starting to gain weight due to the good food in kch.

today my grandma and i tried to make assam laksa. its not bad, pretty good. i wonder how the hawkers make the soup so yellowish. we tried adding kunyit but it doesn't do the trick. next week i'm gonna try and make popiah

i'm supposed to be studying this month but i cant seem to. i just feel like playing everyday. went to timberland medical centre and felt depressed when i saw where the specialists graduated from. im currently feeling stupid at the moment cos i don't think i've got a lot of info in my head. sigh, to be a good doc!

Christmas eve

My flight was scheduled for 3.25pm to kuching. On the same flight with me was michelle liew @ the goose. she, su jun and i took the taxi to klia.it was very hard for her to part with her close friends, and luckily at the airport we met up with sheena n gang, and also gayatri, so she cheered up a bit.

the good part of using airasia is that if you book early, you can get it for a ridiculously low price. the bad part is that if you have lots of baggage, be prepared to pay for it. as the max load is 15kg, mich had to pay quite a lot for her stuff. the crowd was crazy, but luckily the line moved fast. then we all went to mcd's. Ck held the top spot for having the longest piece of french fry ever, before premila took it and made it dissapear!

the flight we were on used the new airbus, so it was fantastic. both of us slept during the flight. the funny part was we landed at kch. you see, kch airport is in the midst of upgrading, and we were put at the last terminal. both of us had lots of things to carry. i was carrying mich's bag which contained some wooden box.

the airport floor was slippery, and mich decided to jog to the immigration counter. i naturally was short of breath. if you can imagine 2 girls carrying bags, gliding on the floor and laughing all the way, you'd think they were crazy, wouldn't you?

i think thats what the other passengers think about us. the immigration counters were so high, if i didn't wear my high heels i wouldn't see the officer at all. kinda funny being short sometimes.

then to get to the entrance of the airport , we had to go through this rabbit hole sort of thingy. it was pretty hot cos it was enclosed and so many ppl were moving about.

when i came home, it was just in time for dinner. we had a short one, cos one of my uncles had to go for mass. my own family went for the midnite mass at st joe's. the choir was the usual one, but what makes this particular mass special is that evry one is in the mood for singing. and when the whole church sings, its really beautiful. You really feel like welcoming jesus into the world. at the end of church, they had a contraption where bubble came out from the roof, and the whole church was full of it. sigh!

its 2 more days to christmas!!!

I've finally made it past my phase 1 of studies, now i've got around 2 months to chill and enjoy myself at home. here's what i plan to do :

1. workout as much as i can so i balance the enormous intake of food i eat

2. take up squash lessons as my technique sucks

3. play all the computer games in my house

4. restring my guitar and attempt to play a nice tune

5. visit my grandparents kampung house in Sri aman

6. Read all the novels i've missed

7. Go back to my kampung and see all my relatives

8. visit all my old friends

9. attempt to learn how to cook so i won't starve myself in seremban

10. download music for my mp3 player (yay!!!!!!!)

11. go for a holiday (maybe?)

12. sleep like a cow everyday

i'm going back on saturday afternoon, and immediately when i come home i'm having an xmas party with my family. itis so exciting to celebrate xmas at home with everyone. and the fact that i've not been home for a year. i think i've got the present i wanted for xmas, and so have all my cousins. Finding gifts for friends and family is tough, you really don't know what to get them, and whether they willl actually appreciate what you got for them.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone! Jingle bells, Santa smells, lalalalala....

The last day of lectures

Today is the last day...



That M203 will be having lectures

Will be shouting the name PHANG in class

Will be seeing each and every person in class

That i will be eating at the rooftop with my friends



Its only 2 more weeks to the finals. Most people were so stressed out over their exams that they forgot to bring their own cameras for the phototaking shoot today.

its painful that i will not see all of my classmates for a long time after this. Most of them will be scattered all over the globe, and i honestly don't think itll be that easy to catch up with them again.

who would've thought that it would be over so fast?

bruised but not out

Finals is in 3 weeks time and already both my eyes are bulging out from exhaustion. My stress level was at its highest peak today, and i couldn't concentrate at all during pbl. i have so many things i want to do after exams: a trip to sunway waterpark, and a holiday somewhere (hopefully bangkok). i have no idea why i'm so fascinated with bangkok, it seems so mysterious and exciting.

i had a lecture yesterday about physical abuse and boy, was it informative. I didn't know, for instance, that there were more shelters for animals in our country than there were for abused women. its kinda ironic, isn't it, that we should care more for animals than we do for our own folk. and a few days ago, i read that the only shelter for abused men in our country has closed.

there are so many reasons why women don't dare tell that they've been abused. What makes me angry is that after they've disclosed their sufferings, they will actually be blamed for it. Maybe their relatives will accuse the women of not being good housewives and mothers, and most people in society will reject them after that. i find it truly unfair that women have to go through so much in life.

1. We have to maintain our physical image, especially in Asia as i think asian men are more critical of looks

2. We are under pressure to get married one day. If we don't all our relatives will think that there's something wrong with us

3. We have to endure the pain of childbirth. something that scares me to death whenever i think about it.

4. We have to bring up the kids, be a good wife and maintain household order. We also have to maintain our shapely figure, lest our husbands' eyes start to stray.

5. life is much harder when we are single mothers, we often don't get the support we get, and we get stigmatised for not being good housewives.

6. we encounter sexual advances at the workplace, or anyplace else.


Therefore, if any guy shall attempt to physically/mentally abuse me, i shall be ready with my sarcasm and my frying pan!

Of curries and Kuih

its been a long time since i've posted anything here. Once you stop writing, you feel so lazy to do it that it almost becomes a chore for you. but i miss my blog, and i miss interacting with it. seriously it has become a part of me that letting my blog die is like letting a small part of me die. i had this conversation today about blogs, and i'm thinking whether personal blogs are better than public blogs. the thing about personal blogs is that you can write whatever the heck you want about Everything, and no one will bother you about it. Public ones are great when you have visitors coming up to check on your blog and giving interesting comments about what you write. I dunno...sometimes i wished that my blog would be more personal, but sometimes i feel like it would be boring if no one else were to read it.

The raya and deepavali holidays ended last week, and my house is full of cookies. its bad cos nowadays with all the exam stress i tend to shove all sorts of food inside my mouth. my pimples are also coming back, not the small ones, but the sporadic and huge mushroom types. the good thing about these types of pimples is that they tend to go off sooner. the bad- Everyone notices them and has to make a comment about it, especially if its smack in the middle of your forehead!

I went to some open houses during deepavali, totally enjoyed myself eating bryani rice and mutton curry, only this time the curries at most houses seem a bit bland, i think they put less santan in it for health reasons. I saw Pitch Black for the first time and man...does Vin Diesel have a great body!! If only they'd put vin diesel and the rock in a movie together, i'll be the first one to line up at the cinemas. Pontianak harum s.m totally freaked me out, and i had to sleep with the lights on. i find it amazing that malaysia has SO many types of ghosts. i never in my life would want to cross paths with a ghost, but i would like to see pics of one. There are haunted tours being conducted in kl, and if i have the time and money, i'd like to go on one. i do believe in some aspects of the ghost stories that people tell, but as to how they can inflict death on ppl makes me a little bit sceptical. i guess i rely on god to protect me from all this kind of stuff. i know it always seems like i contradict myself, but i guess that's how i am!

Creep


When you were here before,
couldn't look you in the eye.
You're just like an angel,
your skin makes me cry.
You float like a feather,
in a beautiful world
I wish I was special,
you're so fucking special.

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here.

I don't care if it hurts,
I want to have control.
I want a perfect body,
I want a perfect soul.
I want you to notice,
when I'm not around.
You're so fucking special,
I wish I was special.

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?.
I don't belong here

She's running out the door,
she's running,
she run, run, run, run, run.

Whatever makes you happy,
whatever you want.
You're so fucking special,
I wish I was special,

but I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here,
I don't belong here.

by Radiohead


This rates as one of my favourite angsty songs. Alanis Morissette can't be beat though. If you're feeling shitty and feel like nothing's going right, this song expresses your emotions for you.

choclolate toxicity

My stomach feels queasy now because of the chocs i ate last night. i think it was too late at night to eat chocs. i wonder how the world would be like if the mayans didn't discover cocoa. How would our society be?? would our sex lives be dismal? would we be gorging ourselves on chips the whole day, and would we still be a bunch of barbarians??? i'm so grateful for the chocolates that have ever been made (not dark ones though).

I've watched Doom last week, and hope to watch the Corpse Bride and Chicken Little the next week. Doom is basically your kill and shoot movie, its based on the video game of the same name. I think the only reason i watched it was because of the Rock and Karl Urban, and of course, the popcorn. i saw the chicken little trailer and boy, he's a really cute chick. i know the movie is for kids but who cares... give me a bag of popcorn and i'll be happy.

The pms matching results are out, and i've come to realise that i only have 5 weeks to see everyone in class. its going to feel so weird not being with close friends, and to start another new chapter in life.

EOS is coming in 6 weeks time. i have given up hope of studying everything. instead, i'll just be focusing on what i think has a higher chance of coming out. to make matters worse, the first week after raya i'll be having mock osce, and i didn't even know it until today.i'll have to make do with what i have. Everyone is super stressed and running around in circles. i have felt my bp slowly but surely rising as the exams come calling!along with this, large amounts of junk food are entering my mouth and depositing on my thighs. The culprits are chocs, cakes and keropok. i don't know why, but eating while studying is SO enjoyable.

Next week National Geographic will be airing an interesting documentary about the origins of man. We all know that man is descended from one ADAM, but just how did ADAM look like? the possible theory is that we mankind originated from africa, and migrated to all corners of the earth. Along the way, our genetic structures were modified to adapt to the land we lived in. In asia especially, it is found that millions of men have one original Big Daddy-Genghis Khan. Due to Genghis's conquering ways of both women and land, he manages to sire lots of kids. I think it would be great to find out who my ancestors are. it would be great having genghis as my great granddaddy though, its like a piece of history is embedded within you.

the health issues are so boring...we're supposed to watch a movie called outbreak and i don't think i've seen it before. most of the time in class i just sit with my head in the clouds.

bipolar disorder

whew...i've just finished my cns exam. it is not easy...i repeat...IT IS NOT EASY!!!!

i look something like a corpse bride right now (minus the fabulous figure). i'm really tired, i feel like sleeping right on the com keys . Yesterday our beloved PM's wife passed away. i was quite shocked when they announced it on the radio because i assumed that she was getting better. i watched the entire burial process on tv, and its pretty interesting how it was done. plus, i've never seen the ministers close up. may she rest in peace.

i have lost a kg just because of the stupid exam. its kinda good to lose it, but i will no doubt gain it again by this weekend. why did i say the exams was hard? because there's so much to learn and yours truly studied really last minute for it. a whole question just about bacteria came out, and i managed to 'shoot' pretty well. unfortunately, my ospe went haywire,and ironically i'm gonna lose a lot of marks from there. i have no idea what i'm going to get, but i rate the toughness on par with renal.

i have now become a fan of zombie movies! i watched dawn of the dead, and man, was it good. there's another movie called 24 hours which is almost similar. its really realistic and you can actually imagine the world like that in the future. i 've also watched sound of thunder, and would advise potential moviegoers to stay away from it!!!

this morning i watched a program about japan called "naked festival" its held once a year to bring away all of japan's bad luck. all the bad luck is transferred to a guy called the monk, who has to run naked on the city streets and being chased after by 10,000men. if they succeed in touching any part of him, they can get rid of their bad luck. and all these men are also naked and drunk. Japan fascinates me, simiply because their culture is just so unique.

and a few days back in the local papers, they ran an article about what sort of food one eats determines ones character. for example:

a person who loves to eat steak- in an angry mood

loves to eat cakes and biscuits- sexually frustrated/deprived

loves to eat ice-cream, chocs, cookies- is filling up an empty void within

i'm actually a combo of all the 3 above, so poor me!

i'll be going on an eating spree again this weekend, and next week i have to embark on a dieting regime. its really hard to eat all sorts of fatty food while trying to maintain the same weight.

A week of expression

A week has come and gone by, and there has been so much going on. the imu cup has officially ended last tuesday, and the sem 3's have won. i went to watch the cheerleading contest that night, and i'm glad i went. the pharm students gave a really good performance, and they were all so synchronized. Almost all of them had the same body size and gave a very splendid performance. i was very proud of my batchmates who performed that night. We had the spirit and determination to succeed. we deserved to win the cheerleading contest. the sad part is that we lost the overall champioship to sem 3 by only 2 points. there were some sports that we should have won, but alas, things aren't meant to be. all the students who participated in the games deserve a round of applause because at the end of the day, having fun and making friends is what matters most.

i have not been exercising this week, and my body parts feel flabby. i love it when i'm exercising cos my muscles feel toned, and i do feel more lithe. i will go jogging tmr morning, cos i seem to be eating nonstop again. i'm kinda sick of guys judging a girl's appeal by the size of their bodies. i do admit that physical appearance is important, but hey, all girls can't be as stick thin as kate moss, can they? and do guys ACTUALLY prefer those kinds of girls? i dunno. been listening to some angstsy songs lately, and i love 'Creep'by Radiohead. it conveys all my emotions, feeling like an idiothead, and not belonging anywhere in society. i sometimes feel that its really tiring to make everyone like you and respect you. i am the type of person that doesn't really care much, actually. i guess i have been foraging in the jungles of Sarawak too long to care about what other people think. I'm just joking...but yeah, as long as i know i have good friends, its all right. And if someone does call me a b*****, i guess i'll take it as a compliment. i must've intimidated them so much to be actually called one.

Went for the art competition today, and enjoyed myself listening to poems. A number of my classmates won, so i'm pretty glad for them. The dikir barat performances and choir were superb, and i am amazed again that there are so many talented people in this uni. amazing...its like they were blessed with everything. before i went to sleep last night,i was thinking about the people around me,and somehow i realised that each and every one of them has a talent. it may be obvious, it may be subtle, but its there. and talent comes in all forms; whether its brains, sports, music, people skills, each and every one of us was given something precious by God. I think most of us don't realise we have it, it takes other people to see it. anyway, the MC for todays artcom. was so lame, and he seems to have fun mocking and making fun of everyone. but who am i to judge? maybe he was nervous, maybe he didn't prepare himself. whatever it is, i was torn between crying and wanting to throw a javelin at him. i think the latter would be a better choice.

God's Mooncake

Boy, have i been procrastinating a lot. i'm still amazed that despite all my years of studying, my study methods have never improved. I can still sit at my table for hours, with not a single detail going into my head. Instead, i'm just daydreaming away. Horrible, isn't it? CNS is into its 3rd week, and i'm plowing along. the csu for this system is the toughest so far. i've had a grilling from one of the lecturers about the cranial nerves, and i'm very scared of the osce. NOt knowing your stuff is one thing, but to really feel like a fool is another thing. and that csu lecturer had a fun time making us feel stupid. one thing that irked me though, is the lecturer's very straightforward way of asking q's. THis is one weird question he asked someone in my group:

Lect: Why are you so short? Who in your family member is short?

Student: I think its my mom

Lect: Who else in your family is short? Your brothers/sisters?

Student: ONly me, i guess

Lect: Do you actually know why you're short?

Student: (Bewildered look on face) No....

I guess its okay to ask a question like that, but it did strike as being a bit crass to me. If anyone were to ask me that question, i'd reply that i'm related to Gimli the dwarf, and i'm very proud to have warrior blood in me (not to mention rich relations!

I went to church last weekend, and it was no big deal for me. I somehow wish more priests would not scold the congreggation so much. we do have the right to be scolded, but i think a softer approach would be better. i always remember Fr. Hanrahan who was so gentle and soft spoken, and what he said would go into my thoughts.At the end of mass, the church gave out free mooncakes to everyone. i was bowled over! If you all remembered, i was lamenting that i wouldn't be able to eat mooncakes this yr because my mom thought it was too fattening. So, i did view the mooncake as a gift from god, and told my mom so. She was telling me that this is proof that god does know each and every one of us, and all we have to do is have faith in him and trust him. I do hope you all know how i feel, there are just some things in my life that i do find inexplicable, and to be honest, god really does surprise me at times.

I am dying for my cns anatomy. it doesn't help that all the notes are just pictures,and nothing else. the foreign accents and the frieght train speed that the lectures are carried out are not much of a help either. i am now beginning to realise the enormous importance of the brain, and yes, it is definitely the toughest system.

Imu cup will be over by next week, and my batch is trailing behind the juniors. i wouldn't worry about it though, i know we will get through. I am now hopelessly broke as a result of continuously eating out at lots of fatty places. i went swimmming at the bj aquatic centre last tue and man, where there a lot of hot bods around! I am now regretting that i didn't go there sooner. its a nice change for once to see other faces outside of imu (with nice bodies to boot). i have no idea why i'm still scared of swimming in deep places though. the moment i know its deep, i feel panicky and actually can't swim. i must get rid of my phobias.

spasmic

My hamstrings are aching, my msk results will be out in 10minutes time, i haven't started studying properly for cns, i'm having csu in 10 mins time, and the girls futsal retained their champioship title for 3 years running! What a week.

i am still trying to weasel my way out for the running event by having more people do the tryouts. somehow my libido for imu cup has totally gone down this year. i have not been participating in a lot of things, and i don't feel the semangat to watch majority of the sports. And, as a result of not warming up properly last week, i sustained a hamstring stretch that still hasn't healed till today. What am i going to do? i figure if i were to run anyway, i'd just start sprinting midway through the track like a pack of wild dogs has chased me. nevermind that I AM the slowest,i'll just run like a rabid wild dog and see how it goes.

i haven't been studying all that properly for cns. there are just too many things to distract me. Went to see the girls futsal yesterday,and man, do we deserve to win the title. Ken lin was in her prime, i'm sure if it was only her against an entire team, she would still be able to score goals. Everyone who was on the team was equally good last night, they complimented each other perfectly. Suk yii and jo screamed their lungs out for ken lin . I feel so proud of my batch and how they have this fighting attitude. Today will be the relay race, and i'm sure they'll be able to do it.

My dinner last night consisted of 2 slices of cake and some naan bread. unhealthy, but sometimes when its past your dinnertime, you just don't feel like eating solid food. Talked a lot of crap as usual, and i'm surprised that my friends think i'm really dirty-minded. i told them i used to be, but now i've handed over the title to my other friends! More amusing was the fact that they think i'm a pro at watching risque' movies, and were shocked to hear that i'm still innocent! I must say, my reputation precedes me...now i've got to maintain it.

oh yeah, about the former datuk stockbroker who was free of all charges of killing his chinese nephew, i'm not sure what to say. it reminds me of the noritta samsuddin case. there are two things to learn from it though; the defense team must've done a heck of a good job making his client look innocent. And the prosecution must've fumbled somewhere. i wont' say about who deserves to win, but what caught my attention was the anguish of the boy's parents. they deserve to know what actually happened to him, and it breaks my heart to see things like this. Sometimes humans are actually not very different from animals. the extent of cruelty that we can inflict on other, including other living creatures, is amazing.what makes us different is that we KNOW we are wrong, but still keep doing it anyway.

Creep

I've had quite a fabulous weekend, and because of that, the 1kg that i had lost during my food poisoning came back on. Its never a good thing, especially when your jeans and trousers feel tight again. Doh!

I went for the track and field trials last fri,and to my dismay, i find out that i am no longer as fast as i used to be. I do blame my hostel and ss17 during my um years, because it was really sports unfriendly. there were no parks to run, and the only exercise i got was walking 10 minutes to buy my rm 2.30 food and coming back again to my hostel. 4 years of no exercise at all, how sad is that?On the bright side,i am confident that my batch will do so much better than last years performance. the sprint queens are running, and the guys are also fast. Wei woon and Phang were really fast. I told a few classmates about Phang's running abilities, and they were quite impressed. Now, there is an unofficial Phang fan club and i heard a banner might be made for him should he run this time. But i seriously do respect him, and you just have to see him run to believe me. I unfortunately might be running for the 400 relay, an event i do not really like because at the end of the lap i just feel like throwing myself on the ground and lying there. it feels like your chest has been squeezed and there's no oxygen left for you to breathe.

Later that night, i had a choc binge for the dolphin and the tortoise. its a shame that only langkawi can sell duty free chocs. My faves are the swiss orange choc. surprisingly, choc and oranges do go well together. we ended up watching lots of corny tv and talking till our voices (mine, actually) went hoarse. Went to sleep at 4 am, and woke up 4 hours later and finding out that my mom wants me to go to midv with her.

I went to watch the movie Creep and its so-so, i give it 6 out of 10. The main star is Franka Portente,last seen in the bourne conspiracy. i find franka's face arresting. she is not drop dead gorgeous, but there's somthing about her face that makes you want to look at her more and more. its basically about her wanting to get on the last train but having fallen asleep, she goes on one in which she is the only passenger. its quite creepy if you're one of those people who use the railway systems often. and the monster in this movie looks like gollum.

Then, i went to MPH and had a fun time with books. i bought 3 books about the life of Adrian Mole, for 70 bucks only. really worth it! after my exams next year, i plan to spend just an entire day there and read books, so i wouldnt' have to waste money on them. there are quite a lot of new novels coming out which are pretty interesting. I also went to the romance self-help corner (couldn't help myself!) and find it amazing that there are so many books that are trying to help the hapless humans of the world in the matters of love. It can either make you happy or make you depressed. i was happy for one thing though, the book i wanted to buy for a long time- Haiku for Lovers - is finally available. its not that horny, but even if you're single you would still find the book a nice read.

After that, my mom wanted to go to cinnabon, so okay, and the next thing i'm ordering a choc cinnabun and a coffee flavored cinnamon drink. the waiters there are mostly from borneo, and the instant i walked in with my mom they started playing sabahan music. Seriously, i am not being perasan because it has happened to me at least twice. before we came in there was no music at all. i think its quite nice of them to do that, but i should have told them i'm from Sarawak. the next time i go there i'll bring my iban tapes along and tell them to play it when i'm around. Any of you wishing to hear ethnic music should come with me to Cinnabon one day.

On sunday,i spent the morning swimming and trying to undo my muscle aches from last fridays run. then i slept most of the time. In the evening my bro came back from kch, so i had my share of kch food *orgasmic sigh* i also got a look of how my cousin's wedding went. i still wished i was there, weddings are always interesting and fun. the wedding was at the bride's longhouse, and practically my whole kampung went. it takes about 4 hours to reach there. the bride looked very pretty , and my cousin looked okay. i am going to remind him that he needs to lose weight though. i have finised the first diary of adrian mole, i am now in the second book. its quite funny in a dry british way. C'est la vie!


Theme song for this week: Feel Good by Gorrilaz

Happy days

Yeah, this is me in my past life



i've been blogging about so much depressing stuff that i'm kinda sick of it too. Its the beginning of fall for the western countries, and for me, its the beginning of my mooncake chow down. so far, my mom has resisted all efforts to buy me one, for fear it will add on to my thigh and my butt. i don't know about you guys, but my favorites are the ones where its made out of flour skin and you have to keep it in the fridge. If it comes with a double egg yolk, so much the better!

Oh yeah, IMU cup is coming soon.some games have already started, but i feel like its muted down this year. Probably because the sem 2s and sem 4s are not back yet. its always interesting to take part. I am really not sure if i am going to run this year, there will be a practice tmr. I just hope i can go for the 4x100. if not, maybe the 4x400, though i'm not so keen on the latter. for me its just the sheer fun of doing something else other than studying.And its something to do before i go away from BJ.

i just got my new id card today. its a bit different from the old one. For example, at the back of my card they have put down the standard precautions that must be remembered by students:

1.Handwashing
2.Personal protective equipments
3.Prevention of needle stick

Maybe one day if i do have a concussion, i will thank my uni for reminding me of what i'm supposed to do.

the neuro system has just started this week, and i'm feeling relaxed. the one thing i find amazing was that on the first day itself i went to find reference books. when the whole bunch of us went there, the whole shelf was already ransacked by other students 2 days ago. There we were, the bunch of us standing around, gaping at the war torn bookshelves and not knowing what to do. Finally we just picked up whatever books we could find. Its kinda funny actually, cos the bookshelves did look like it was bombed apart by a mortar shell.

my head is spinning for the neuro anatomy. i have no idea what is important and what i'm supposed to study. it doesn't help that only pictures are given,and the lectures are sometimes conducted in incomprehensible language. i still remember in sem 1 when a friend of mine wrote this down: mortar board. it was actually supposed to be motor cord. and she was shaking her head as she was writing this.

i went to the pasar malam again this week, and a friend of mine really likes the assam laksa there, that she has even suggested to me that we steal the assam laksa van. Can you imagine the both of us selling assam laksa in front of the uni? I would prefer steally the FAtty Steamboat van though, as i am so in love with the food!! I might ship one to kuching one day. I am going to see the zombie movie Land of the Dead because i have never seen a zombie movie before, except for resident evil 4, that is.

And finally, i have realised yet again, that i do need god to help me with my daily life. sometimes you think you can solve things on your own, but in the end, if you don't find the external strength that you need, you'll end up being depressed and broken.

Theme song for this week: Wake me up when September Ends (green day)

Hope all of you will have a good week !

my september

summer has come to pass,
the innocent can never rest,
wake me up,
when september ends

by Green Day

Just last night i was sitting in my room and contemplating about death. all the events happening so far, a friend losing a family member, hurricane Katrina, soppy romantic mournful poems, unrequited love not being returned, the mortality of human life, was bogging my brain yesterday. There are so many things i can comment upon, but it would be too much for all of you.

1. Death.

I am afraid of death. i am afraid of dying, be it dying in a car accident, when i'm flying over the South China Sea, or even from food poisoning (i kid you not!). Whenever my family flies here from kuching to kl, i worry about them. i worry that theire flight will be ok. i even worry about my mom when she drives to and fro from work every day. i used to take my family for granted a few years back, but not so much now. i used to not be on really good terms with my mom, but now its ok. i guess god has a funny way of patching things up.

2. New Orleans

I know i've never told you all this, but i used to stay here for half a year when i was 9 years old. my whole family stayed there cos my dad was studying there. The school i went to was all black;i was the only asian there. Everyone assumed i was from China. Thank god they didn't try to speak chinese with me. the only other non black was a white girl. i stayed there from winter till end of summer. During that time, i watched the Mardi Gras parade (got lots of bead necklaces), went for church on weekends, then went walking around the riverside. Lousiana is famous for crawfish, its like a little shrimp and the people there eat it like how we eat kuaci. The French Quarters were very intruiging, there were a lot of strip shows, bars, pubs, cafes. All my classmates were really nice to me, and because i was the smallest girl in class, my teachers were nice to me too, especially during gym time, because i couldn't throw the ball in the basketball hoop. the coach practically had to lift me up for me to dunk the ball in.
When i saw the images on cnn about new orleans, i can't help feeling sad. The majority of people there may be black and may be poor, but they're people all the same, and deserve help. its disgusting to know that even in the superdome, rapes can happen, particularly to small children. Bush as usual, has made a mess out of this situation, and i'm glad his ratings are super low. And i don't think New orleans can ever be rebuilt to its former glory.

3. Unrequited passion

Love comes and goes for every person. For me, i think i'm over it. Frankly, i really am not interested in anyone at all at this moment. I guess i don't have the time to look, and i'm quite fed up of playing a cat and mouse game with guys.And i actually give up on love at the moment.If they liked me, all they have to do is say so in front of my face. it'll save the both of us time. i have been reading soppy poems and hearing stories about luurrrve....so much so that i feel nauseated. As much as i like being a kepochi and as much as i care about the people around me, it just frustrates me everytime i see people getting heartbroken. sometimes i wish love was an easy thing, and i would ALWAYS like to see people getting whom they want. But its not so simple, isnt' it? And if they think their hearts are broken, maybe they should also give a thought to their friends who are supporting them too. I am so fed up of people not getting what they want to the point that if someone asks me what to do, i'll just tell them to try and get to know the person better. then maybe you can see if you REALLY want him/her. A crush is just a crush, nothing else. You're just putting the person on a pedestal without ever knowing him/her. So, to all of you out there reading this, if you know the person and really like the person, GO FOR IT? if he/she doesn't like you back, at least you know before its too late and start mooning like a sick cow.

Oh, and the most amusing thing last night was when my mom was watching Barbwire (Pammie's movie). I don't know what she was concentrating on, because there is no storyline for that movie.

i'm on a break

i really miss writing on my blog. so many useless info that needs to get out of my mind can just splatter here. i'm on a one week break now, just a so called break because its actually meant for all of us to study for the BIG ONE! this is my first week that i've felt relaxed after the rush of msk. and yes, i do agree it wasn't hard. the only difference with gi was that we weren't given time off to study...and i really was super stressed out days before the exam. On that friday itself, i just gave up studying the last bits of notes left. besides, they were playing van helsing on hbo, and who am i to deny his presence??
I thought i did quite well for it...until kar ying came to my house the next day. then i found out i made quite a few dumb mistakes for my mcq. its really frustrating to make those sort of mistakes cos they are so general. Anyway, classmates are busy studying now, and i only think i'll have my mud pie in dec.
i went to victoria's station for steak last sat...best i've tasted so far. even beats the one in TTDI. My fave part of the cow is the rib-eye. I'm glad i'm not a vegetarian. as much as i respect them, my love of meat outweighs all the vegies in the world.

I saw the movie 7 swords on sun. its a pretty good movie, nice cinematography and donnie yen looks hot! i don't really know the female actresses, but the actress who played the korean lady was so pretty. i wonder who she is. i went to pasar malam on tue with a friend, and she was telling me it was so disgusting to see porno movies being sold in the open. i've never really bothered with it, but when i come to think of it, its kinda true. i don't mean to stare at them, just that the vendors somehow push those cd's in your face. Being a girl, its kinda icky seeing another girl plastered naked on the cover. I managed to buy a lot of cd's, and i've 2 zombie movies to watch this weekend, dawn of the dead and land of the dead. The movies that are playing in cinemas now are so boring. i'm just gonna save and watch narnia instead.

My cousin is also getting married this weekend, and i think by early next year i'm gonna be an aunt! It'll so exciting, being an aunt at an early age!! Can't wait to play with the baby. And oh yeah, i heard on the radio station a few wks ago about this joke: Men are sweet, nice, and they go straight to your hips!!

Do not buy Coldplay's latest album, X&Y, or any other CDs by EMI because they contain copy-control technology that will basically prevent you from playing the CDs properly on any systems other than your home stereo. If you play it on your car stereo, or import it into your portable mp3 players, the music will skip or you will hear static every few seconds.
Copy-control sucks!
There are many ways to listen to your favourite bands..*hint hint*.
Until the music companies stop treating legal music buyers like 4 year olds, then they're not getting a single cent of my money.

happy 40th birthday, i think

ahh, i truly regard the man above as my saviour. last sunday, the Star was doing a commentary about our national day, and there was a pic of the Tunku coming out of his house before leaving for Stadium Negara. He looked very regal in his malay outfit, and for a fleeting moment, i felt very indebted and honored to this man. Without him, i wouldn't be sitting here and living life to the fullest. For all you know, you might never even have met me, and i wouldn't know civilization would exist.

I would still be half naked, wearing just a sarong, and tending to the paddy fields in Sarawak. Or, Sarawak would be a part of indonesia and i would really not be studying right now. Maybe my future husband is still roaming the jungles looking for heads to chop off and presenting it to me as a wedding gift. And i'd probably be eating tapioca everyday.

I have never really bothered about National Day since young. to me its just another day off watching boring parades on tv. But as i grow a bit older, i sort of realised that, yeah, it is important to remember it, not so much that i'm not an indon now, but because our forefathers have struggled hard to make us a free people. From containing the japs, to crushing communism, to making sure we all are free people, the politicians of that time did a great job. In fact, sometimes i wished they were still alive. Maybe then we wouldn't have racial divides, discontentment with politics and the lot.





For me being an Iban, this guy above, tun jugah will always be my Father. He made headhunting stop, and made the brits recognise that the ibans were a race to be reckoned with. for the bidayuhs, i'm not sure because as a race, we're very docile ppl. But i'm sure they are some influential leaders around.

Tonight, the PM has urged all malaysians to stand up at 12 midnite to sing Negaraku as a respect for our country. i think i might just do that, if i'm not asleep yet.

my friend

as of yesterday and last night, i had pimples beginning to sprout all over my face, my life was a mess because of msk and its heavy schedule and i was scared of today's mock osce. then who should come a calling but one of my very oldest and bestest friends (formerly bestest best friend). if she reads this, she'll know who i'm talking about.

i haven't talked to her on the phone for 2 yrs (according to her) and haven't seen her for longer than that. but she was back in kch for some family business, and i was really glad she contacted me last night. for once, the shrink herself needs her own shrink. we've known each other since primary school, and when she migrated somewhere else we kept in touch using the old fashioned way, letters. its really fun writing one and anxiously waiting for the other person to reply you back. in those days, all of us were crazy about foreign penpals. the longest lasting i had was a girl from japan called chieko kobayashi and another one from france, beatrice piliez. sadly, its because i was too lazy that we broke off contacts with each other.

my bestest friend was, and still is my lifesaver. when you are bursting of things to tell, and you just need someone to tell it to, that's when she comes into my life. its a vice-versa thingy actually. the fun things was when during my teen years i could moan and bitch to her about my crushes and the people who aggravate me,and she would do the same. Now, i am seldom in contact with her, because e-mails can just be so impersonal at times, and my bloody uni does not have msn.

its great to know that both of us are still kinda alike in some ways....we both have nonexistent social lives,for example. But what i really cherish about her is that she is SO NICE...nicer than me, in fact (if you can belive that) and that i can always count on her to make my day sunshiney. i miss her a lot, as well as i miss my other friends too. And i crapped to her for an hour about what was going in my life so far and the things that just screw it up. AND, i finally got to know what she was actually doing for her masters, what's up with her yada yada. I still do miss her, she's going back next tue, and i don't know when i can actually talk to her in person again.

Its great to know that there will always be someone out there for you. And the fact that last night was RnB night on the radio helps too!

P.S. for those who are feeling fidgety like moi, tune in to radio 4 (100.1 fm) tonight. they've got jazz tonight from 9-12 pm. its a great winding down session. i sure need one after today

Ophiuchus vs. Naked Jungle

NO, i'm not about to write some porn here. These are 2 opposing topics which i'm going to talk about today. i was reading the Mail yesterday, when i found out that there is actually a 13th sign-Ophiuchus.Those born from Nov 30 -Dec 17 are under this star.



This is how Ophiuchus looks like

Ophi was actually Aclepsius, the God of Medicine. Some say it was based on a real man, Imhotep, who was thought to have brought the art of healing to mankind. they didn't put it in with all the other astrological sun signs because it didn't follow the tropical calendar of the other 12. attributes of an Ophi are:

interpreter of dreams, premonitions
attracts good luck
serpent holder
lofty ideals
a seeker of peace and harmony
doctor of medicine or science
to add, increase, join or gather together
poetical, inventive nature, expanding
seeks higher education
overseer, supervisor of work
fame - either grand or completely misunderstood
longevity, aspirations of healing the ills of man
architect, builder, reaches for the stars
tax assessor or levys taxes
astrological talents, intuitive
large family indicated, but apt to be separated from them when young
the number twelve holds great significance
foresight to benefit from hard times
has secret enemies in family or close associations
many jealous of this subject
notable father, apple of father's eye when young
high position in life expected [depending on aspects] highest fame and legend comes after death however
feelings of granular, wise,
likes to wear clothing of vibrant colors
receives the favor of those in charge


I don't know whether this is all bullshit or not, but if you are born under this sign, check it out and see if it does fit your persona. Whatever it is...its kind of interesting that i fall under two signs, sagi and ophi. Makes me the grouch i am, especially when i am in my sleepy mode!


Now, for the next title...




i had no idea this movie even existed until i chanced upon it on cinemax. the hero is charlton heston, and he is a plantation owner in South america. he has a heroic task to do, which is ....(trumpets blowing)....to fight against the gazillions of red ants which are destroying everything in their path in the jungle and are coming his way! sounds stupid? it does. but the romance between him and his mail order bride (played by eleanor parker) and also his acting makes up for it. if they had a movie about godzilla in the 1960s, why can't they have a movie about rampaging ants? They're real, and more believable to boot. during the movie, i noticed also about the bra his wife was wearing. it looked so uncomfortable, because it looks like madonnna's cone bra, except not so coney. its a typical macho-man damsel in distress sort of movie, but i enjoyed it because the acting was good and the chemistry between the two actors were believable. i believe most of the romance books that were published were based on movies like this. and with a title like Naked Jungle...how much hotter can it get? The things that amuse my soul!

Another Sinful Weekend

My dad came again last weekend, and since the whole family is here, my mom thought of going to bangsar for dinner on friday night. i have mixed feelings about bangsar now, cos the last time that i went, it was full of all the leng chai euros...the hot and young looking ones. Now they're all gone. its a nice place to hang out with your friends, but not your parents!! we had quite a hard time choosing an eatery cos my mom just wanted some good steak. so, in the end we ended up at telawi street bistro. since i was an idiot and had taken a heavy lunch, i had to settle for the Pocket Lebanese Lamb. My mom had fish and chips and my bro and dad had some steak. the irish beer they served there was good...i don't mind drinking beer like that if its icy cold...hmmm...christmas....Anyway, the prices there were outrageous. my dad's steak cost him around 60 bucks.The good thing about that bistro was the atmosphere though. very relaxed and cosy. The bad? all the euros were balding, middle aged man with paunches. *sniff* but i did check out two waiters that were kinda cute though. they looked like they were international students from india. cute!The next time i end up in bangsar, i'm gonna try out la bodega... since i didn't go there with joyce shia and gang.

The following day, i had another glutten fest...this time it was the somerset grill in TTDI. There was some advertisement about it in the Star that day, and my parents wanted to try the place out. we arrived there about 6.30pm and the place was already full! so, poor us had to go to 1U to do a bit of shopping first. Note: Zara has some really good bargains. its a shame i didn't have any cash with me. When we came back to the restaurant, it took an hour for the food to arrive, but i didn't mind. i had rib-eye, while my dad and bro had t-bone. it was worth all the trouble driving there and finding the place cos it really has good steak, and you can really savour the taste when you chew on it. i was really happy with my rib-eye. in fact, i don't mind coming there again. i've forgotten how steaks from The Ship tastes like, but the somerset grill gets an 8 on my rating scale. for dessert, we had some sort of chocolate cake mixed with caramel and grated coconut...wonderfully tantalizing...i do suggest to anyone who reads this to try out the restaurant. its at jln. tun mohd fuad, next to the kiosk shop.

as for my studies...its quite heavylor..what can i say.evry week have to go to mms and look at all the bones and ligs. all my s'wakian classmates are telling me they're punishing themselves by not going back home for raya hols. i had a funny lecture yesterday by Rs. the OSP is always going off due to some heating problems. he said this" i wonder why the projecter is always going off. i know its hot, but i don't think my slides are that hot to make it burn!' then he laughed to himself. its nice to know that he can laugh at his own jokes, and i do find that very amusing indeed! And for all those kl-ites who fled to penang and langkawi for the weekend to beat the haze, its sorry to note that the haze decided to follow them all the way there! i'll be having csu sessions later, most prob with HA. its lucky that i have mich and pakcik with me, it makes the session more fun.

i can't breathe

Its f****ing hot and smelly and foggy today. its worse than yesterday. when i woke up this morning, i coudn't see a thing at all. the worst haze i remembered was when i was in form 3, the API index in kch reached 1000. at that point, it was basically completely foggy and if you were to go outside the house, you couldn't see the person standing next to you. i did have a fun time wearing my gas mask,and its pretty funny to see everyone doing the same.

i thought our next door neighbours would've learned a lesson from that but nooooooooooooooooooo they still had to cut down and burn more forest. sometimes its really frustrating to think that these people are so ignorant and selfish about the rest of humanity. but if rich countries don't help to eradicate poverty in the world, nothing can be done about this situation. i don't even want to go into the topic of corrupt politicians.

since the start of sem 5 began, everyone has been into their super study mode. i barely see any sort of activity going on. Lots of ppl are stressed out and moody,but then again so am i. its amazing that i hardly do anything impressive now. i don't even have to mood to watch tv.There's just so much to learn for musculoskeletal, that the only thing you can do is breathe and study. And to compound the fact that we have to start revising for EOS and go to mms to look at all the bones and do csu practice, its phoar! Like you're being caught in the eye of a tornado. i am going to keep this mantra in my head....'will go back for christmas. will go back for christmas. will go back for christmas'.

of sexuality

I was watching Little Britain on Astro last night. its an hour long comedy about the various types of people who live in britian. its really funny, and there are only 2 comedians who portray an amazing number of people. there's one sketch where they made fun of the british prime minister having a gay assistant by the name of Sebastian.wow...news alert! i just met up with a pharmacy student who handed me 50 bucks worth of reciepts for squash. it seems all the batches are training very hard except ours. i'm scared.

back to the story... in last nights sketch, the P.M. won another election and they were celebrating at 10 Downing street, and when they were playing this george michael song, sebastian did a slow dance with the pm, and it was really icky. its like 2 lovers, cos sebastian was groping and fondling the pm, and was looking into his eyes. he did kiss the pm though. when i watched it last night, i felt so....i don't know, dirty? I'm okay with gays and les, but the sight of 2 men kissing is kinda disgusting to me. maybe i haven't had enough exposure to this yet. i mean, the concepth of gays and lesbo's together is okay, but when you watch them do an intimate act on tv, you really do feel sick.

yesterday i also read about kenny sia ( s'wakian blogger extrodinaire) and his rantings about long road names in the Star. its funny, because i never bothered about it. but when i looked at the pics he put in the paper yesterday, i was bloody embarassed. apparently all these years i've been in kl, they've changed a lot of names. and its named after all the local heroes. i remember 1 name which had 15 words max! for eg. Jalan Dato' Patinggi Tun Abang Haji Openg. And that's just the standard one.

and lastly, here are my top 10 list of hot rnb male singers.HOT, because they look FINE and got the vocals to match it.

1. Eric benet: ex husband of Halle Berry and absolutely gorgeous. my fave song of his is the duet he did with Faith Evans. he has one of the smoothest and silkiest voices around

2. John Legend: He just released his solo album this yr, and i'm planning to buy it. When he smiles, he just melts me. His songs are really good,and accompanies it with the piano.

3. Usher: I still liked his first album the best. A very charming fellow with the best bod. My fave song- U make me Wanna

4. Joe: He's not really well known, but his crooning is the best. its better than eric benet's. my fave song : Good girls

5. Marques Houston : up coming young star. first noticed him in 'you got served' . excellent dancer like his brother Omarion, and quite a good singer. looks like someone i know.

6. Nelly: this is funny, but i really like his gold teeth. somehow, they make his smile look more cute. He churns out the songs that i like.

7. 50 Cent: i don't really bother if his gangsta-pimpin thing is fake, but his bod is the most toned i've ever seen on mtv. love all his songs, they've got the club beats in it.

8.LL cool J.: he's a bit TOO muscular for me, but in his music videos he always winks, and that's sexy! He's got a nice pair of lips too.

9. Snoop Dogg: nope, i don't think he's handsome, but i do agree that he is very creative when it comes to producing music, and the recent singles he puts out are cool.

10. i actually forgot who was on this number, so if you do have someone in mind, pls tell me