sad

yesterday and today have been sort of bad for me, in terms of emothions. i'm only finding out more about myself. when i'm in a good mood, nothing can burst my bubble. but when i'm really feeling sad/depressed, it feels so bad that my whole world is black.

after reading a friends blog today, i chanced upon my distant relative bernard's blog, and in it were the pic's he took from canada on his recent trip there. you see,since my aunt's family migrated there 5 or 6 years ago, i haven't seen them since, especially my two cousins julian and daryl. i just saw their pics for the first time, and i did feel very sentimental. its just that i haven't seen them since they were in primary school and now they're all grown up and being teens. daryl has become more good-looking; his looks are more to chinese, but a good-looking chinese. juju looks the same...and he's shorter than daryl. my uncle donald looks the same too, but my aunty ann has become plump, and has the exact face like my mom's. i really do miss them, they'll only be coming back to malaysia in 2008. i do hope i can go there and see them instead. i don't keep in touch with them very much, but when you look at the face of person you haven't seen in a long while, your heart does feel broken. sorry if i'm being sentimental...its just that i was quite close to this aunt and uncle...they really treated me like i was their own daughter and did spoil me when i was young. *sigh* but its good to see them after a long time.

today also my friend's father passed away from cancer. she is now in kuching, and i will call her sometime. its sad when a loved one passes away from such a horrible disease... and i can only imagine how she feels now. its hard for her to come back often because her dad was in kch and she's in nz for so long.

i'm also think i'm a rotten person because i haven't kept in touch with most of my friends. and like a bad experience i recently had when i went back to kch, 1 girl probably thought i was too stuck up to keep in touch with her...and so she sort of ignored me when a bunch of us all went out. it hurts a lot because i've known her since primary 6 and she was pretty close to me during my sec school years. my theory is that she was probably scared that i would look down on her, so she decided to diss me off first.

Yesterday my mood swing came on again, and it was so bad i practically felt like a walking lemon. and the haze, oh my god, it came back again. it was so bad that visibility was narrowed to maybe a km only. and this morning the winds were so strong i could literally imagine myself being swept away by it, like the tornadoes and hurricanes we usually see on tv. by the way, i would like to experience them one of these days.

My pbl fasci, dr. R, has a very morbid sense of humor. his is the british type, dry and mocking. but so wickedly funny. he sees malaysia in a Little Emily sort of way. All my pbl mates are nice people,and i do think i will really enjoy my pbl sessions with them. the icing on the cake yesterday had to be dr. RS, who said in class "by the time women are 40 years and above, they will begin to have many problems" then he started to laugh at his own jokes, and we were laughing AT him, Not with him. but its kinda funny watching a guy laughing at his own jokes, and he did it more than twice in class. Musculoskeletal will be kinda tough because there's so much anatomy coming in, and me not being sure how deep i need to study. i miss Dhruba!!!

i hate today

shit...my bladder has been full for the past 1 hr and i still have to think of what to write. my glorious holiday (and pigging sessions) are now OVER and i have to start sem 5.

i woke up bloody late today, like an hr before class...didn't have time to blowdry my hair, and hence it looks like simba. i just really wished my hair wouldn't curl out so much. its irritating. today the dean gave a long lecture yada yada... making me sleep in the middle of it. and when i saw the timetable for this semester...shit...i'm not sure if i can finish revising everything. this semester i'll be cooped up in my room and just looking at my notes the whole time. after the nightmare of semester 3, i definitely do not want to repeat it. i'd rather be a lowlife and a bore for this whole semester rather than repeating the whole course again.

this morning in class i saw a few of my class mates revising away. i wish i could be like them...so disciplined and determined. i want to go back to kch for my christmas and see everyone. by hook or by crook, i am going to pass my sem 5. its been a long time since i've had christmas at my own home...getting to see all my cousins and generally having a good time. i want to celebrate my new year's with all my friends and get pissed off and drunk with them. its only 4 more months after all....

musings

i am feeling quite mellow this morning. my title today was to be about genting, but i'll satisfy my desires right now. the feeling of mellowness is so deep that i went to read haiku poems just now. i feel like there's a deep essence within me, that only poetry can understand. sometimes these feelings are so deep that you feel like sitting down in a rocking chair and watching the splendour of the world go by.

i've never been a great fan of poetry...it takes a lot of contemplation for me to truly appreciate their works. but today, for some reason, i am feeling it. haiku's are beautiful. it may consist of only 4 lines, but when you sit back and think about them, and picture those words in your mind, you can actually feel a deep calmness in you.

my trip to genting yesterday was like a 10th anniversary for me, cos that's the last time i went there. nothing's changed;its still the same. only now my phobia of heights has somewhat increased. on the way back yesterday using the cable cars, we stopped for 5 minutes over a ravine. when i looked down, i can imagine the car plunging, and me wondering what i'll be doing in that split second. i don't have a phobia of riding airplanes, i think they're great, but just the thought of me right underneath a ravine makes me sick. i also appreciated the malaysian rainforest yesterday. i don't like secondary rainforest; but when you see huge trees majestically towering over everything else and the fog and clouds drifting above them,it looks so beautiful.

there were only 2 rides which got my adrenaline pumping: the corkscrew and the flying coaster. i like it when i fall down and my stomach lurches up. its kinda funny.the ghost ride was the lamest; i wonder why they even bothered with it at all. genting is great, but i think they should think up of better rides and refurbish the place. just because they are the premeir theme park in malaysia doesn't mean they can take things for granted. the indoor theme park was much better as they had renovated the place. i do agree that its a great place for lovers and if only another person went yesterday, things would have been just perfect.

the weather was really good, and i wished it would be like that for the whole of malaysia. there were a lot of arab and indian tourists...probably the summer hols. the funniest thing yesterday was when i saw this aunty spinning round and round on her motorized boat for 10 minutes flat. and she didn't even look dizzy! she had this serene look on her face and i suspected she was enjoying herself. we all had a laugh at her,and i felt kinda bad in the end. they were tourists, after all, and i shouldnt' be doing that. still...i wonder how she felt for the entire day. she probably will be going back home with Genting's Boat Spinning Record! hahaha

i also finally saw batu caves for the second time yesterday...and i find out that i'm drawn to mountains, hills etc.i guess its because they appear so majestic and yet so lonely. ah.. its the art-loving side of me again. i really must go and get myself a poetry book.

i also realize i have until this weekend to relax, after that it'll be hell for me. i do want to pass my sem 5 and go back home for christmas. i miss the christmas masses at st. joe's church.

i told a friend yesterday i think i've found the perfect guy (according to my standards).He's kinda good-looking, god-fearing, nice guy, athletic, smart, kind hearted, always smiling and overall nice guy. the only thing is he's not available. i know... some friends have told me its not worth it, because two of us are going to be hurt in the end, or i might have to do a total lifestyle makeover. some told me i should just be friends with him..it doesn't mean i have to tackle him or anything. the truth is...i don't know. i appreciate all the advices that have been given to me, and i know my brain is still in control over my heart. but i do hope they would understand my postion if they were in my shoes. my gut tells me its not just a one-way thing. as to how much the mutual like is, i don't know. but i think its there. And it just depends on me.i once told god that i'm very happy that he gave me a chance to feel what love/ liking someone is like. but at the same time, love can bring you immense pain. sure...i might get over him some day...and i might find a better guy some day, but at the moment, its just him.

my amazing weekend

ah yes...what an amazing weekend i had! anything to do with food makes me extremely happy. i had the chance to go for a buffet dinner at the Atrium cafe in sunway hotel.its standard buffet stuff, except they really have nice seafood. i ate lots of mussels, and the funny thing is, they taste really nice with thousand island. i only took 1 round of formal eating. the other two rounds were my desserts. i tried practically every dessert served, and yes, i did feel like a pig. A HAPPY PIG. my favourite were the miniature cupcakes, the homemade icecream and the cheesecake. the flam was also nice.
on sat i went to klcc for some shopping. finally got my jeans shorts there, and another round of binge eating. i had gelare there, and the jamaican chocolate was heavenly! i love my desserts...sigh...
today i went to the ptptn building to get my surat perlepasan pinjaman, only to be told later that mara is freezing all their loans. wow... i really feel like a stupid ass. plus, i got lost going there while all the time i had the address of the building inside my handbag. i know i'm blur in all aspects of life, but i never expected to be THIS blur.

i also am enjoying the LOST series on astro as well as little britain. great comedy... i love the brits dry sense of humor. that show parodies everyone and everything in the uk. and its funny, because there are ppl like that in the uk. i watched oprah yesterday, and it was a really moving show, about teenage girls and how worthless they feel about themselves. One of them actually called herself an ugly beast and said that she's the last person anyone would want to look at. another one said that she feels like she doesn't deserve her family because they were too good for her.

i know how they feel like and i don't blame them.i have my rotten days too, days when i feel like i don't want anybody to see me. i have always been shy since i was a little kid, and i really dont like it when people look at me. i feel that there's something on my face that makes them want to laugh. its amazing that women of all ages can feel so insecure about themselves just because of a thing called the MEDIA. i know somethings can never be changed, and in a horrid way, i'm actually glad i'm not the only one who feels that something is wrong with me.and yes...i think i need to see a shrink

frazzled

my dear friends, have you ever woken up one day just feeling utterly horrible? like you were meant to put yourself in the garbage bin that very instant? well, that's how i feel right now. see, when i am happy, i am utterly nice and good and blah blah. but when i feel like shit, you wouldnt' even want to be around me. i know i have a sour face, but multiply that sourness by 10 and you can imagine how i look today.

i am not sure what triggered this unhappy feeling. maybe im stressed out because i'm not studying like i'm supposed to. maybe i'm feeling claustrophobic and need more time to myself. and maybe i'm just frustrated at my condition right now. this feeling is like an itchy feeling. you want to get rid of it, but the more you pay attention to it, the worse it gets.

i wanted to write something really nice today. i had just finished dan brown's da vinci book and am particularly fascinated by the PHI equation. i was also to write something really spiritual today, about my thoughts on my religion, and where my stand is right now. but i can't .... i'll just wait another day.

yesterday i really had a nice cooking session. i truly love cooking, and actually, if i were to suck at medicine, i would like to be a western chef and specialise in desserts. i'd be eating my food most of the time, but who cares? cooking is really nice. it really takes the stress off of you.

i've also been doing so much tests..personality tests, kissing tests...sigh.

1. my kissing purity is 87%

2. i am a great communicator

3. i was a mute dancer in china in the past life

4. my general knowledge is poor, but my vocab and logic are exceptionally high

5. im funky, outdoorsy, hippie, free spirited

6. my daddy is arnold schwarzenegger

7. you all see me as a slow and steady person

8. the keys to my heart are exactly like bren's

9. i'm actually 22 years old

courtesy of blogthings.com

the real me

oh yeah, dida told me to do this... so here goes

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:

1. kr_is1

2. sarah

3. amazon ( i find this name utterly sexy!)


THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:

1. my eyes and my eyelashes. my eyelashes particularly

2. my boobs. just the right size

3. my legs. nice if i'm wearing a knee length skirt


THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:

1. my tummy. hate it

2. thighs. hate it even more

3. my round face. its very hard to match clothes, hair and accessories


THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:

1. Bidayuh

2. iban

3. british...but its watered down a lot. happened during the rajah occupation, so its about 8 or 9 generations ago.and i think it was a scandalous affair!


THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:

1. guys coming up to me

2. people hating me

3. me being confused. i don't like it when im not sure of everything around me


THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:

1. tv

2. sweet junk food

3. music

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:

1. a knee length skirt

2. my reebok blouse

3. my underused white flat sandals

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:

1. U2. they rock, and they're original

2. mariah carey. her octaves are hot

3. jamiroquai...they are weird and eccentric. and i've liked them since sec school

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS:

1. Unbreak my heart - Toni Braxton

2. Water runs dry- boyz 2 men

3. under the stars- mariah carey


Three things you want in a relationship:

1. mutual understanding

2. loyalty

3. deep love


TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:

1. I am actually a shy person

2. I would love to wear a bikini

3. I am into mysticismy


THREE physical things about the preferrd sex that appeals to you:

1. eyes, must be sexy and beautiful

2. good upper chest

3. smile, definitely


THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:

1. exercise

2. shopping ( honest!)

3. meeting close friends


THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:

1. scream

2. punch someone

3. eat every flavor of ice cream at baskin robbins


THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:

1. nun

2. scientist/researcher

3. medicine

(2 down, 1 to go)


THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:

1. new york

2. south africa

3. brazil

THREE KID'S NAMES YOU LIKE:

1. Serena

2. Jordan

3. elizabeth

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:

1. travel the world and go to remote places

2. join doctors without borders

3. have grandchildren


THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:

1. i love sports

2. i can be detached from people

3. i dont care what people think about me

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A CHICK:

1. i love makeup and shopping

2. I extremely love gossiping

3. i am a good listener


THREE PEOPLE THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW:

1. Angeline chan

2. brendalai

3. megalomaniac giant

Thoughts at 2am

I haven't been blogging here for a long time so thought I should do my duty now and hopefully, anything that comes on is at least half-coherent.
It's Week 5 at Stanford, and like I've bemoaned to every one of my friends unfortunate enough to meet me online, I've never studied this hard in my whole life before.
The homeworks just keep a-comin' and 24 hours in a day never seemd so short before. It's 2am right now and I haven't gone to sleep, but I should. Goodness knows I don't get enough of it from Monday to Thursday.
Am staying up late because have been doing an abstract for a term paper for one of the courses I'm taking called Water Resources Management. Have chosen as my topic: the Bakun Hydroelectric Project. And you guys all know what a sensitive subject that is. The problem is, it's really hard to get any data on anything related to Malaysia on the Net and Malaysian scientists don't really publish papers (bad, bad habit people). So I will have to rely on foreign sources of information and on websites that are clearly anti-Bakun...o how to get an objective view on the whole issue??
But seriously, my own personal opinion is that it's just a giant white elephant. Have come across statements from our government ministers saying that Bakun is "environmentally friendly". Hello?? Do they even know what a dam is?? No dam is "environmentally friendly"! Nothing is "environmentally friendly" when you have to raze huge tracts of land and essentially drown it to build the darn thing!
But all that protesting against the project is futile because it's almost complete (should be done by the end of next year or so). The thing I'm hoping to focus on is the impact on the local people, some 10000, that have been relocated to Belaga in 1998 and in some respects, have yet to come to terms with their new homes and adapt. How could they, when you take away the land they've been living on for centuries and essentially tell them to find a new way of living? For all the government's statements about how the project is bringing development to the people, nobody asked if the people were unhappy with how things were and if they even wanted to be "developed" in the first place? I'm sure they might have said "no, thanks" if they knew that they were going to have to leave their fertile land for a less productive one in Belaga, or that they could no longer fish or hunt as freely as their ancestors did, or that they would be compensated for the land they lost but would have to use part of that compensation money to buy houses that the government built for them in Belaga (Huh??). Some of them aren't even compensated due to legaities and such: people in the interion aren't too particular about keeping land records and such. Did you know that one of the saddest things about it is that the graves that they left behind. If they want to relocate the graves, they would be paid RM1,000 and if they leave them behind, they get paid RM2,000 per grave. I have no words.
So.
As good Sarawakians, we just stood aside and let things happen because that's how we Sarawakian do things: we don't like to cause trouble. And keep in mind that the dam was being built in the first place to supply electricity to Peninsular Malaysia.. Not Sarawak, or even Sabah, but Peninsular Malaysia. It boggles the mind. It wouldn't even directly benefit us, the government had to come up with plans to develop side industries like cottage industries or ecotourism so that we wouldn't be totally left out. It brings to mind the image of a dog eating scraps thrown from the master's table. Sigh.
OK, going to stop now before I get ISA-ed. Blogs are dangerous. Didn't Sarah just do a rant against the Establishment a few months back?
It's 2.15am, time to go to sleep. Have to be up at 8am to go to Jasper Ridge (Stanford's "Rimba Ilmu", UM alumni would know what I mean).
Ta ta!

the stressed out chef

Before i continue with today's cooking class, i'd like you all to check out a website: http://jobpredictor.com. i found out i'm supposed to be a porn star in real life, and me pornie name would be RANDY RABBIT. Hilarious!! On the serious side, i do know that a lot of women take up pole dancing classes nowadays to get fit. Who wants to start one? and yes, i'm supposed to die on 10 June 2061. Remember this date. If any of you are still alive and not demented, pls check to see how i am. And i'm supposed to keep a pet giraffe to enlighten my life.

Today i decided to cook fried rice for the FIRST time in my entire life. I had to cook rice twice, because the first time it was too soggy. being the goose that i am, i thought that if i were to slow cook the rice in a pot it would be more dry. in the end, i burnt the rice and the pot. i don't know how i'm going to get rid of all the black marks on the bottom of the pot. i hate scraping stuff.

being a fighter, i tried to cook rice for a second time. this time, it was ok cos i used the little cup they provided to put the correct amount of water. then, i went preparing the ingredients. i put garlic and shallots in first, and i thought of getting the shallots out when they were nicely fried. instead, they turned completely black. The rest of the procedures were okay, and i finally got my fried rice at 11 am this morning. Carrefour has really nice premarinated meat, and this weekend i'm gonna try to cook steak and lamb chops for myself. if i ever get it right, i'll be truly proud of myself.

i had my presentation yesterday, and i'm still a bit scarred. i was really embarassed yesterday because my group was the only one whose q and a was more than 5 minutes, and ALL of the questions were asked by the lecturers. i did enjoy myself for the q and a, but after that i got really tired. and now i think the work we done must have been sucky or else we wouldn't get bombed so much. oh well, anyhow this is worse than when i was in um, cos for some reason, my ex lecturers always let me off the hook. i'm told that when i'm in sem 7 i have to do another research. Oh no!!!! *Sighs dramatically*

I also watched the Amityville Horror with my brother last weekend and let me tell you, i'm still in love with the gsc popcorn. Whether its lite and sweet or caramel, i love em all. The movie was ok, not as corny as ghost train, but i hate it when i myself can see all the ghosts. i think unseen things are scarier. nothing beats jap and thai movies. I'll be waiting for the movie 'the island' next week. and i heard initial d's pretty good too.

This brings me to genting. i've been asked to join friends for a trip there in the next two weeks, and i'm happy. but then i think of all the scary stories and i'm now unsure. to go or not to go? i might be going to redang too. hopefully the redang one does take off cos i've never been there before.

All goosed out

You're a Goose!

Most folks think you're silly, but those who know you best realize
that you can be quite serious and even vicious! You remind people of dinosaurs
with your stately gait and strange way of staring them down. People also associate
you with pillows and other elements of their bedding, but this just makes you
shudder. If you're from Canada, you've really been bugging people lately. What's
in the bag?


Take the Animal Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

ah yes, isn't it wonderful to be a goose? i thought that i might be an eagle or a vulture, but nooooooo, i had to be a goose. i've just finished my group research today, and feeling very tired right now. plus, i have to get my individual report done.

i am getting a little bit weighty because of the food i'm eating. lali n gang were supposed to eat mud pie last wednesday and instead, we went to kenny roger's. i'm not complaining, the choc muffin i had that day was superb. but now it means that the hole is my wallet is going to get bigger. i hear there's another REAL mud pie session to be held. Linda is also suggesting that we go to klang to have bakutteh/mud pie.

last thursday, i had durians for breakfast. as a result, i've been called mad. But, if you like something so much, and can't wait to get up in the morning for it, wouldn't any of you do the same thing for me? I want my mom to buy some slices of cake from secret recipe, since my bro is here. and last night, we watched Wrong Turn, such a stupid and disgusting movie.

My bro's hair is back to normal again, he must've chickened out from all the comments he got about his hair.i found out that not many people liked the movie war of the worlds. its boring and has a stupid ending.

i hate doing research, and i hope i never have to do it when i'm working. sure, it is fun discovering the results that you have, but writing and looking for review material is just too much for me. i can't stand it. i'd rather inject 100 patients a day or perform multiple births rather than doing research. my brain is feeling foggy right now.

Renal results came out last week, and the coordinator posted a reply regarding the feedback session. its always a joy for me to read what he has to say because he is so acidic in his comments.

glorious food

before i continue with my rantings, i just want to tell dida that she DOES lead an exciting life. okay, i've been eating and eating since last weekend,and i'm about to go out and have another food session later on. i went to watch war of the worlds yesterday, and it was really good! The ending is undoubtedly bad, but the whole thing, from the acting to the scripting to the directing, was good. AND scary. i mean, you can actually imagine all those things happening on earth in the near future. i give it 8/10, and its my fave alien movie together with independence day and MIB 1.

durian season is on full scale and last sunday i had loads of it. and i still feel like eating it. yesterday i had steak and some really good ice cream. i'll die if i'm dragged to gelare today. too much good food is bad. plus, my dad is here, and my mum will prob want to go to some nice restaurant. sigh.... i really have to jog like mad to make sure it doesn't go to my hips. its true, you know , that fat from the hips is 6times harder to go away than from the tummy.

i watched a bit of live 8 last weekend, and i'm really glad that musicians are taking time off to promote it. but,as to whether the whole thing really made a difference will only be known next week.

i saw this programme on discovery about doctors without frontiers. and its really sad that there are so many rich people as there are poor people. they showed doc and nurses in africa, and i was crying when i saw it. this nurse had to choose 50 ppl from a village to go to a feeing centre. and she had a hard time, because everyone needed help. The children were severely malnourished,and they were in constant pain because they were so thin. the worst part was this little boy who died in the hospital because the employees locked the equipment and he couldn't get a blood transfer. and all they could do, incl his dad, was to just wait for him to die. they say in africa its completely normal to have 2 or 3 of your kids to die. and they don't show any emotions because if they did, they would all be insane.

its true that G8 has to abolish the debt, but at the same time, the african leaders must also be clean. true, its hard to banish corruption completely.everyone wants to be rich, to have nice cars, nice clothes, go on a cruise. Who do i blame? i blame all those developed countries,for flaunting their richness at asia and africa, but not giving a damn about them. From south america, to brazil, to india, there are so many people who need help. true, i can't do anything about them. but i do wish those who could help them will do it. make the world a better place, like mj says.

old folks home

i wanted to write about this yesterday but i was too lazy to haul my butt up to imu.

as part of my selective, my gp had to go to an old folks' home in puchong, just to see how memory loss works, and to do some mental tests. We got lost on the way cos the driver thought we were going to an orphanage, so there we were, circling the same neighborhood 3 times.

i am being bias when i think of the elderly at an old folks' home. i still remembered when i was in form 2, and i had to go and do some charity work at the old folks home run by the Lion's club. it was pretty depressing to see them at the time, because they were really bed-ridden and sad. And i remember this one lady, who was really having dementia, and she kept undressing herself while my senior kept trying to dress her. and suddenly, she just peed on the floor.

When i was on the bus yesterday, i was thinking of that episode, and mentally bracing myself. To my suprise, the old folks' home is kinda small, its housed in a double-story hse. And the ppl there are really robust.Since my study involved questioning old ladies, i had to bring a friend who can speak mandarin, and we zoomed in on a few old ladies. but they were kinda shy...till this one lady came up to us.

i shall call her miss S, and i tell you, even if she's 69 yrs old, she's really a looker. she doesn't have any obvious wrinkles on her face and neck, and she has a very good memory, she scored quite high for the MMSE test. Jacqueline was translating for us most of the time, and this lady would just talk and talk. that was one of the best experiences i have ever had at an old folks' home. she was such a gem, and so were the others. One of the old men even played a harmonica piece for us, and this guy is 70++.

it took away my biasness towards how old folks' home are run, and the good thing about them is that they just dont sit down and stare into space. Miss S tells me in the afternoon they take up part time jobs,and in the evening they go exercise like walking in the parks. the only thing she was sad about was that there was not enough food for them.

i just hope that one day when i do have the cash and the time, i'd really like to help out on earth. i just realised last night, that our lives on earth are so incredibly short. and its true what god says, our lives are just a blink in time,so what we do when we're alive matters a lot :)

woe is me

8 am- woke up for a little while to take a piss. Thought of waking up for real, but went back to sleep.

8.50 am- wow...latest time i've woken up for this week. Proceed to stumble wildly to kitchen to prepare breakfast

9 am- am slow boiling porridge. added two eggs, some seaweed, generous salt, soy sauce and it still tastes bland. am worried that i will not cook good porridge like my granma.

9.10 am - eating in front of tv and drinking mango juice. Watching how a polar bear kills beluga whales by jumping on it repeatedly, only to have his meal stolen by a bigger polar bear. Then watch wacko animals on animal planet. Forgot about the animals anyway.

10 am- cleared breakfast and sitting on desk playing spider solitaire. starting to feel queasy and nauseous because of breakfast. feel seaweed going up throat. suppress desire to puke.

10.30am- trying to start typing for lit review. just managed to do abstract when i feel bloated and puking again. i now know how pregnant mommies feel

11.30 am - can't take it anymore!!! go to bed and do a yoga stance with eyes closed in the hopes of taking away nauseatic feeling. in the process, dreaming of a date with tony eusoff. hmmmm.....

12pm- dida wakes me up from my beautiful fantasy asking me for a bkshop's phone no. also calls me a f*** for suggesting she gets married! heheheh. am updated about the latest happenings, then proceed to rummage my already messy room for the phone no.in the process, i proceed to tell her that i got depressed when i read her blog yesterday. i'm feeling very OLD right now.

12.15pm- sigh...have to bathe and get ready for school.

1pm-busy getting ready and ironing skirt. wonder if i can borrow a cheesy romance novel from the lib.

1.50 pm- realised my aunt misscalled me. she's coming this fri, and i can predict a major shopping session with her. wonder if there are any mud pie sessions this week. queasy feeling coming back. Thinking of the beef stew i will be having tonite. yum!

A laundry room! With dryers! All your clothes cleaned automatically! Heaven!! 

memory loss

this is going to be my literature review for my physio selective. exercise and memory loss, to be exact. Since this month is so slo-mo, i find myself waking up around 8-10 every morning, eating my breakfast, and wanting to go back to sleep again.

the sem 5 results are out, and i bid a goodbye to all my seniors. i'm hoping they all did well and all passed. i hope none of them have to resit, cos that would make me scared. i am now deciding whether i should really go to a doc and get some more antibiotics cos i;m still coughing like mad. on the other hand, i kinda like it; its like exercising when you're sitting. ever heard research about where they say ppl who fidget more lose more cals? well, i think i am an example of one. the worst thing is when i can't sleep at night. that sucks.

Gayatri and irene came to my place yesterday to return my house of wax dvd. i must say, i like the way paris hilton died. it was the highlight of the entire movie. i managed to watch a little bit of 'growing up gotti' and suprise, surprise, i think that her son carmine is absolutely cute!! he's got the looks and the style. And i still prefer paris to nicole richie. She's not so bitchy as the former.

dida is now becoming the official shrink of many ppl, including me. she does make a good one, i might add. no pretensions, no soft words, just right-smack-in-your-face. haha, i'm thinking she's actually blushing now!

i am so blur

thanks to my dad giving me the kalimantan flu virus, i've been having sleepless nights for this week. I'm coughing like nobody's business. and i would like to thank bren for giving me a nice pic of american longkang covers.

i went out to bangsar for dinner last night with dida and a new acquaintance, fizah, the two of them are so alike in mind, its fate that they were bound to be good friends. ah, convent girls. how i like the way we think and speak!

the topic last night was about jackass men, specifically s'wakian lads. before any of you guys bash meup, i'd like to say not all of u are that bad, just some. And they happen to be from my races. How embarassing!! I went through another malaysian toilet experience. and this is no joke; when i was peeing a cockroach was racing in front of me. huh.

the topic above is because after the girlie talk i had last night, i've just realised how blur i am when it comes to guys. really,really blur. i wouldn't even know a guy likes me until he says it straight in my face.

anyway, the physio selective i'm doing is ok. thank god i have no exams, its the most relaxed i've ever been.i'm trying my bestest to start studying for sem 5, but i still feel so lax.

Sarah has a picture of a Kuching manhole, so I have a picture of a Stanford manhole. :) 

KKB sem 4

Now that i know dida's blogger is working just fine, i'll continue with my kkb story. It all started last thurs when the bus came to pick us up. A tourist bus, to be exact, and there were only 7 of us in the bus. cool, now all the folks think we're jap tourists. the bus driver used the bukit beruntung route instead of the normal one. so it took us to places i never knew before. i came across this township that was smack in the middle of nowhere. its like so many shoplots were being built, but 80% are deserted. it looked dead. the scenery later was nice. we passed thru mountains, paddy fields and vege plots. i was busy trying to get nice photos but its not easy when the bus is swinging around.

that evening was pasar malam, and kkb's pasar malam is da bomb. all of us bought food, biscuits and kuih. i dunno, i feel like i can find basically much more stuff than the kl pasar malams. the next day we went back to kl by public bus. if you think kl buses are crazy, the kkb buses are suicidal. its just like formula one, except that you're in a bus. my hair was swirling around me, and the bus brakes like crazy, throwing everyone about. lali swore she saw a lady in front of her making the sign of the cross. hah. but overall, it was a good adventure. then, we were back in kkb on sunday and stayed till thursday.

the food in kkb is sublime. cheap and really good. i got my last experience of kkb waffles and ice-cream. and yeah, me and lali bought some chinese mag called candy. My version has some soft porn love story that made the cheerleader go high. he has this ability to zone in to the story with the most action. The funny part was when the story had to be translated in english. we spent most nights playing pictionary and cluedo. we were so noisy on one particular night that this lady went to scold us (it was raining some more) and telling us that we were stupid and no brains. Sheesh. and to my utter misery,i was a sandwich between the ever bickering lali and cheerleader. and it didn't help that i was labelled a pygmy.but the good thing was that lali and i agreed that cheerleader's brain IS the size of a mosquito's (if they DO have any brains at all). And it didn't help that i caught him looking at himself in the mirror one too many times. Metros, i tell you!

The hospital experience was good, and i actually learned a lot esp for my obs and gynae history taking.i still will stress that the obs and gynae history taking is one of the hardest.We had a barbecue on tuesday evening, and it was fun, with all the girls taking turns helping. for desert, i learnt that if you put a marshmallow and a small cadbury bar in between 2 biscuits, its really yummy! But nothing beats eating soft, goey marshmallow that's just been roasted.

the last night we were telling ghost stories. the final two really creeped me out. we all slept at 5 am that morning, and i was so creeped out i actually slept with the lights on. i do like sleeping up late and waking up late and taking brunch.

i have loadsa pics from kkb, just give me time to put everything online. and yeah, kkb rocks!

batman bale

heloo there! i've just come back from my bittersweet kkb posting. since i'm at dida's place , and she's telling me blogger's not functioning properly, i've decided to write about batman.

i am still coughing like nuts, but this is because of me gobbling ice cream, ice kacang and cheese cake like mad. am at dida's place now, and i haven't met kieran yet. saw angie and her friend cheng yesterday and the three of us watched batman.

Oh man, Christian bale is sooooooooooo hot. He's the most gorgeous batman to date, and can actually act too. But at times his voice sounds a bit fakey. And yes, i am glad the producers decided not to put nipples on his suit. both angie and i agreed that if we can't have christian as our bf, we could at least try to get a car like the batmobile. True, its big and bulky and not sleek at all, but it does remind me of the frogmobiles the us army has. and the part when batman has to change positions when he wants to fire the enemy or use his jetpower booster is just great.

But christian bale being the batman is the bomb. i dunno, he just fits the persona of batman. my most hated batman is val kilmer. he and his big lips. and michael caine gave a really good performance too. katie holmes was just useless in the movie. they should have given some romance in it.

after that, we went to eat at esquire kitchen, and when we ordered 3 gizzards, it really IS just 3 gizzards. Shocking! Then we met up with her cousin and his friend. if you are reading this angie, i think he's really good looking.its just that he's taken :{ then dida and i went shoe and hat shopping and to my utter dismay, i find out that she can pull of just about every shoe that was on display. even the ones that i find disgusting. i found a pageboy hat that i really liked in topshop. honestly, i look kinda cute in it, like a little girl. its gonna set me back 73, and i'm gonna wait for my dad to buy it for me. i am also aiming on which shoes to buy for my clinical years. i have already targetted one hush puppies heel which looks really nice on me.

then i went to meet up with yvonne and the cheerleader at chilli's. due to my bad cough, i couldnt' drink anything, and dida got formally introduced to them. i had a fun time bashing the cheerleader,and he kept on talking about pygmies and jungle people. i wish i could throw him into the jungle one day and watch him get gored by wild boars. and i think there was a gay waiter that was staring all the time at cheerleader. and when we all went out, the waiter was looking him up and down. EEk!

Creepy but true...

The four boys who were lost in the jungle at Fraser's Hill were found yesterday morning. They reportedly told a member of the rescue team that they had followed a clearly marked trail and followed it till they came upon a "Dead End" sign. When they turned around to retrace their path, the trail was gone and try as they might, they couldn't find it. It was all just dense jungle.
You'd be an "abnormal" Malaysian to not have questions about the supernatural-ness of this incident.
After reading the newspaper article, my mom and my brother had their own stories to tell.
My mom lived in the "sua teng" when she was a kid, and her elders would tell her and her siblings to be extra careful when they were out at night, even in the yard. There was one piece of advice that her naughty brothers didn't follow, which was not to pee anywhere they wished after running around the compound (remember, they were "sua teng" kids :) ). They were told to ask for permission nicely before going about their business, if you know what I mean. But of course, they didn't, until one night they came back into the house real quiet and when my mom asked, they wouldn't tell, but they heeded their elders' advice after that.
My brother had a more sensational story: he had a school friend who was extra sensitive about these things and saw otherworldly entities all the time. My brother asked him whether they looked like they did in the movies, all transparent and hazy, but the friend said they looked like real people except that they would be missing limbs or something. Scary.
I for one, sense, see and hear nothing. I am grateful for this blurness because I can't even watch horror movies, much less experience one.
My friend Tracy told me once that she thought I was quite brave during my first year in university. Why? Because her friend had told her ghost stories that allegedly happened in the college hostel where I was staying and not only that, but that the room that I was staying in (and the other rooms near the toilet) was a hotspot of activity! Well, I can truthfully say that my one-year stay there was uneventful. I can laugh about it now, but it's a good thing she had the good sense not to tell me the stories when I was dorming there. I wouldn't have been able to get a good night's sleep!

* * *
Was watching a documentary that featured the Shaolin monks on Discovery. There are 7 year old Shaolin apprentices who could kick my butt and make me beg for meercy in less 2 minutes flat...maybe less even. I can't even bend over and touch my toes without pulling a hamstring.
Ouch.

P.S. "Sua teng" translated loosely: jungle, rural.

nightmares

Geez,i am so lazy to write after a long hiatus. i was really sick, so i didnt feel like writing anything. besides, last week my whole family flew down to kl for the gawai holidays, so i had to layan them. Gawai dinner was good, there was a lot of food imported from kuching, esp the ikan terubok and tiger prawns. Yum! NOt forgetting both my grandmas brought all their cakes and lemang. To this day, i have tins of cakes with me....gonna get fat pretty soon.ONe of my uncles also brought satay kajang, and it was weird becos i was thinking of asking my mom to drive to kajang one day just for that.i finally got to see my cousins again after a long time, and we took some pretty good pics.NOw i just need a place where i can host all the pics, there must be around 50 pics in total from my kuching trip and the gawai night.
I am now going to tell the story about how i got 3 nightmares in 3 consecutive nights. i'm not sure whether its me taking all those drugs,or my brain being hyperactive. plus, i seldom get nightmares.......so lets start:

nightmare 1: This concerns me and a crush i used to like when i was in uni. in this dream,he is now a succesful businessman, married and having an affair with a very beautiful young girl. The weird thing is, the setting is in a cafe and i'm eating at the table opposite them with a friend.for one, it hurts like hell seeing your ex-crush with someone younger and more gorgeous. two, this dream is so wacky. Anyway,out of nowhere, his wife pops up and finds out the two of them there. he, being the chicken, just leaves her and joins his wife. the mistress was left alone, and she played with her hp.then, she joins them, and sits next to the wife. She just keeps on looking at him. if you can imagine how a puppy looks at you when it wants something, that's how she was. And in my dream, she looks like the actress sofea jane. And me? Being unlucky enough not to be the wife or the girlfriend. Sob!


Nightmare 2: This dream took place in santubong,kuching and its about a class trip to the beach.it doesn't really involve imu ppl nor the st tri's. in the dream, one teacher dared us students to swim to a nearby island in pairs. The winners will get some nice prizelah. i can remember that i paired myself up with a girl, and that i was swimming first. Suddenly, there was this really huge wave that crashed into us, and i could feel myself drowning, literally, and i remember the sensation of the waves pulling me deeper into the sea. the first time i tried to surface, i couldn't beat the sea. i tried a second time and they managed to pull me out. in this dream, around 20 students were missing...and my dream fastforwarded towards nighttime, when the low tide came. so, the teacher asked us to volunteer to walk out to look for the missing students. i did, and me and a friend walked around the beach. The first person i found was a friend i knew, and he was just entangled among the lalang surrounding the kampung. Then, both of us walked out to sea, and after a few mins walking, we found another guy whose legs were sticking out of the sand. we couldn't even pull him out at all. i said a prayer, and after that, a shooting star flew over ( like the release of his body). Then i was back in the kampung house, and feeling creepy all over, because all the souls of the undead were roaming, and we couldn't find the others.

Nightmare 3: this is my own fear of never checking my feet. i always thought my feet were pink and healthy. one fine day, i looked down, and saw that it was smelly, black in color, just like a dead foot,except its attached to me. worse still, the skin was flaking off,like a sheet of paper, and i didn't know whether i should peel it or cut it with a pair of scissors. in the middle of my foot,there was a hole like this:




except that i could stretch open the hole and look inside. And to my utter disgust, i found a white worm wriggling inside. i mentioned it to my dad, and he just smiled, went to my foot opened it wide and took something to extract the worm out. in my dream, i saw him stretching the hole so wide and just tugging at the worm. and i think i was screaming from the pain. when he took it out, the worm was totally white, except for a black band in the middle.Yucks!!

Photobucket

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Sarah, where are you?

My blog boss Sarah has gone AWOL for about a week now and I have a feeling that the photos she promised me is not going to show up anytime soon....

Movies to watch out for

The Chronicles of Narnia

It's a classic book, but I never really took to it. Thank goodness for Hollywood!


Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Watched the first 3, might as well keep going. And it's darker and somebody dies!

And Mr. & Mrs. Smith look pretty good: even if the storyline sucks (Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt not exactly good at choosing good scripts eg. the Tombraider movies and Meet Joe Black), the trailer promises lots of things blowing up and then there're the aesthetically pleasing leads to look at.
Also, the War of the Worlds: it's Tom Cruise, so it's gotta be good, right? I watched the Lat Samurai twice and was very "kan tung" (Cantonese for touched) both times. And loved Jerry Maguire.
And there's this new movie called Saving Face, starring Joan Chen, about a widow who is ostracized by the Chinese-American community for being pregnant out of wedlock....was thinking, does that actually happen anymore? I know quite a few people in Kuching who are single mothers or co-habiting without getting married, etc. but I don't think they're ostracized for it....again, I think it's the don't-ask, don't-tell or the you-know-and-I-know-and-there's-nothing-else-to-say or the no-need-to-"chap"-other-people's-"su" policy.
Not that I agree with any of the lifestyles above, but ostracizing someone for anything short of some heavy crime like murder or rape is pretty harsh and does no one any good, least of all the innocent baby. Maybe will ask my mum about this. Maybe it's an anomaly unique to the super-laidback people of Kuching.

reunions

i have officially finished my postings here,and its been good. i enjoyed my time at the clinics,and enjoyed seeing many nice diseases.i also had intersting discussions with the docs, and all were curious about how imu teaches students. now i understand about critics in the science world. when something new happens/was discovered, one will tend to disbelieve it because its out of the norm with one's thoughts. It takes a long time to convince people to adapt to changes. Everything in this world has to change, and most times change is not welcome.i will admit that bieng in imu is tough because we do not have full day classes, and you yourself have to know what to study, and to have the discipline to study, because they truly leave you at your own. and one has to take everything seriously, pbl's included. i am only recently enjoying the wonders of pbl. and the fact that we have to get a B to pass, and the lecturers throw any q's they want to. i just hope that when i grad one day, i will be good/better than the docs from public unis cos most ppl think imu is crap.

i have/am going to attend a lot of reunions with friends and family. the weekend is solidly booked. this afternoon i will be watching madagascar with a friend,and straightaway after that i'll be going to granny's hse. tmr is the same, except ill be going back to kampung. more ops for phototaking!it does feel kinda rushing for me, but if i don't see them now, i might not see them until next year, and then who knows where they'll go. as much as i agree with kuching being a boring place, but when you come back, its so relax, peaceful and wonderful that you don't feel like leaving. i think we should market that aspect to tourists.

I had a good night out with bren and angie. i guess we didn't say much because nothings going on in our lives. But i did get some good info where the other st tri gals are and what they're currently doing now. My strawberry/banana smotthie was good, but it was a trifle sweet. The best part was when we toured kuching town at night to get good photos, esp for my kl friends who think kuching is just jungle. Kuching is beautiful at night, romantic even. Its little wonder the rajahs were happy to live at the astana. the weirdest pic i took had to be a gigantic tooth. No offense to the owner, but i wonder what was in his head when he comissioned it. he prob has the same humor as me. What giant sculpture will i put in my garden next time?

Yesterday aft i finished early, and took time off to take more photos. i wonder if i can take more today. i have to take the museum and the giant cats. and some weird porno statues. Kuching rocks! i was strolling along jalan india and jalan masjid. Gawai songs are blaring and the shops were full of ppl looking for gawai clothes. To me,those shops are nothing,but to ppl from the interior, these shops are THE place to go.At that moment i felt sad, because even though i am the same race as them, i feel so detached from them. its like i am bumi, but i do not share the same lifestyle.i am not looking down at them, its just that i feel so detached from the people of my own race. And most of the time i have to initiate small talk, even with my own cousins, because they think i am too well educated too talk with them. But once i do that, they're okay.Most of the time i feel like i live in 2 dimensions,one with my friends who are modern and with the natives here where i have to remember the dialects and customs of my two respective races. Quirky, but makes me a better human.

But i do live sarawak and its people. there is no other place on earth where people can blend and make friends so easily as here. The people here are genuinely friendly, and its easy to make friends here. They are talkative, and curious. Sarawak...couldn't find a better place to retire in the future :)

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.

My brother actually bought the book. I think the author of the book is actually divorced. Huh.
To learn about the mysteries of relationships between men and women, just go out to the bookstore and buy any of Jane Austen's novels: it's much cheaper (around RM12) and you'll appear much smarter and well-read when you read it on the bus. Miss Austen understood how a man's mind worked as well as she understood a woman's.

Example 1: "A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony, in a moment..."
This is what the 3 of us did when we got together on Thursday night and Sarah's brain and eyes are constantly on the lookout to matchmake people, no matter how much they beg her not to. :)
I think we married off one of our friends already and are already planning our overseas holidays in which we'll be staying at her place. Hey, nobody ever said that matchmaking was a purely altruistic deed that she's doing out of the goodness of her heart. Must got ganjaran, you know!

Example 2: "But no sooner had he made it clear to himself and his friends that she had hardly a good feature in her face, than he began to find it was rendered uncommonly intelligent by the beautiful expression of her dark eyes. To this discovery succeeded some others equally mortifying. Though he had detected with a critical eye more than one failure of perfect symmetry in her form, he was forced to acknowledge her figure to be light & pleasing; & in spite of his asserting that her manners were not those of the fashionable world, he was caught by their easy playfulness."
See? Isn't this what we all do, girls and boys? First we say don't like, then we start to secretly like, then we even more vocal to our friends that we don't like, because we're afraid that we are beginning to like. First, not pretty enough, but look quite smart & not air-headlike; body not proportionate enough, but then quite slim and slender; not classy enough, but then quite friendly and approachable. Tsk tsk tsk...A friend of mine mentioned that she hates it when the guy isn't sure about his feelings or isn't sure if he should do anything about it. Same here, girlfriend, but I suppose sometimes we have to cut them some slack. It's not like we're confident enough about our feelings most of the time, right?

Caffeine caffeine caffeine

The Nurse says that she's been sleeping an average of 14 hours a day since coming home for a short break. And I thought I am a pig. Well, I wish I could clock 14 hours a day, but I get a headache if I do more than 10 hours, so her record is safe.
I think I have to start training myself to wake up earlier and boost my energy levels to prepare myself for uni again. Caffeine has practically no effect on me anymore. Gym, anyone? I know I should exercise more, sleep less, eat healthier, but dear me, the very thought of all that sends me running to the sofa and switching on the TV. I don't even want to go out in the afternoons, because there's nowhere to go and the heat is oppressive. But I notice that the best afternoon naps are to be had when you're sitting in the passenger seat of a moving car (air-conditioned, of course).
Where are all those photos you took, Sarah? Waiting eagerly to see the giant tooth.

personality tests

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Low
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Moderate
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information --

Believe me, even i can't believe i have the above traits!!

A picture is worth a thousand words.

Clockwise from top: Adam Levine of Maroon 5, Josh Duhamel of Las Vegas, Prince Andrea Casiraghi of Monaco (bottom two). Yummy.

Today, I felt like having some eye-candy. My girlfriends out there will enjoy this, the boys will just have to grin and bear it.
Gosh...doesn't the Prince look like he just stepped out of the pages of a fairytale? I have more pics of him, courtesy of a friend, but afraid it'll just be too much for those of you who have a dial-up connection.
Good pictures of Adam Levine are surprisingly hard to find. His soulful and puppy-dog demeanour is best appreciated in videos, I suppose. And I just like Josh Duhamel because he's just so boyish in Las Vegas.

GP posting

its been two days since ive done my gp posting. and so far, i am enjoying it. now that i am near the end of the first phase, i can finally put to use everything which i have learned, including behavioural sciences. I've always thought bs WAS bullshit but surprise, surprise,there are patients who display the overly worried syndrome. I mean, learning it in class is one thing, and seeing it for real is another thing. And i'm beginning to see the fun side of just doing gp.
I've also learned that if i were to really take dermatology, it would take me another seven years before i become one. Now i'm really thinking of other options. by the time i finish dermatology, i'd be 40 years old! too old. now what shall i do?
but i have to admit derma is so interesting. i was at the clinic and i saw such a wonderful variety of skin diseases. i was also shocked that sarawak is lacking in so many specialists. the state only has one dermatologist, one endocrinologist etc. amazing... i guess everyone went overseas.This is sad fo a population of 2 million people. ah, what to do.... what to do in the future.....
My cold is getting better, but now i;m developing a sore throat. and i forgot to buy my lozenges. i went to a clinic today, and the guy dr. fodzer used to be my dad's old mentor. yikes, as dr lim , who was also managing the clinic said 'now its a complete cirle' !
Dr. Fodzer is an interesting guy because he was one of the first few surgeons in sarawak. his mother was famous for being a feminist and against polygamy. i am told that both his parents are indians, but he looks like a euro, and a good-looking one at that. i shall be meeting him tomorrow, but i am scared because he might compare me with my father. today i also saw a lot of diabetic cases, and its scary that diabetes is on the rise in malaysia, and all over the world as well. And the worst thing is that it can be inherited in families.
The doc in charge of me is very nice, they all take the time to explain stuff to me, even though at times my face might be blank (cue derma!). I've also learned that many doc's kids are at lodge, and a lot of ppl from kuching are studying in imu. the docs couldn't believe it when i told them the passing mark was B. This is due to all the stress caused by partner medical schools.
i've just finished watching the movie salem's lot,but i have yet to finish reading the book. so far, i havent' been dissapointed by any of the stephen king books i read. hopefully it stays that way!

Sleepless nights

Looks like Sarah's going to be busy the next few days spending time and catching up on the latest news with her family. I hear from the Nurse that'll she'll be going back to KL on the 30th, before Gawai, though. So there's the deadline for the 3 of us to meet up and exchange gossip.
I've not had a good nights sleep for about 2 nights now, don't know why. I get insomnia now and again, but this round might have been caused by the heat. My sleep schedule is also pretty much screwed up since I came back from KL 2 weeks ago- because I don't have to wake up at 7am to go to work anymore, so I go to sleep around 2am and wake up at 10.30am.
Being a bum is also no good for my general health. Every time I come home from uni or work for a short holiday, I'm bound to come down with the flu or headache spell, etc. Probably caused by all the inactivity.....but I never learn my lesson, so I just popped a Febricol this afternoon and my nose has cleared up.
Speaking of medication, does anyone know of the name of a travel sickness pill with the side effect of putting you to sleep or will any travel sickness med do that? Every time I fly long distance, I can never get a satisfactory amount of sleep, so I need chemical help. Yes, yes, I know it's bad for my insides (those healthy healthy organic veg eating people would be horrified at the way I pop pills), but I'd rather let my liver handle the extra filtering than letting my mind and the rest of my body go into zombie mode after 24 hours of being hauled halfway around the world. I let that happen the last time and man, I looked and felt like crap.
I was one very unhappy camper.
So me and my drugs are going to be inseparable this time.

star wars

its good to be back!!! I finally made all the needed adjustments to this blog. okay, bren and i have both watched star wars. i can tell you my heart was really breaking for anakin. instead of despising him, i now pity him. The part where he duelled with obi wan, and the result of that duel is so tragic. another haunting moment was when he went back to the jedi temple to decimate all its inhabitants, children included. I do agree with bren that he has had that evil side all the while, ever since he was young, but its always been controlled by obi-wan. and i do agree with what padme told him, that deep down anakin is still a nice guy.Ultimeately, it was the weakness of his heart, and also his greed for greater power, and his distrust and jealousy for the jedi council, taht brought him down. Oddly, the jedi council reminds me of catholic priests.

The defining moment of the movie was when darth vaders mask was put on, and his heavy breathing was heard for the first time. But hats up to george for the amazing cgi displays. the best thing about all the star wars movies is that they propel us to another universe, where different sp of beings live. General grevious was great. The sad part was when all the jedi were killed in cold blood. And Yoda! The first time i saw him i thought he was just a little scamp. but he is the Master Jedi.

I agree with the critics too that the 3rd episode blends seamlessly with the older star wars movies. now i'm trying my best not too watch the older 3 movies again. i have lots of other things to do.... but i am planning to see madagascar and war of the worlds. HOuse of wax, anyone?

kuching

Finally, i am back home. it honestly does feel funny to be home after i've been away for so long. The airasia flight was packed with revellers going back for the gawai fest. thank goodness i managed to sit next to a mother and son. The plane was filled with young iban guys. i do not want to be sitting anywhere near them, sometimes i just dont' like how the local guys can be so flirty. The lady sitting next to me was so nice. seeing that i didnt' take my lunch on the plane, she offered me two kit kat bars. Her husband is working in kedah, and from what i gather, their kids haven't been back for 5 years. Whats worse is that they speak like semenanjungians!! But sitting on the plane with all of them, it just made me realise that the bumis in sarawak, esp those in the interior, really are unfortunate in that nobody has teached them how important education is, and how it can break the cycle of poverty. I know most of them work in the timber industry, and that most of the children in longhouses have no intention to continue school, they prefer to find jobs instead. I am now thinking of what the malaysian studies teacher said, and it is true. its funny, but on the plane just now i was thinking how lucky i am to have the life i am currently living. i somehow wish in the future, if i am able to help them, i will.

2 family gatherings in a day

Just realized after posting yesterday's blog that it's a tad long. Sorry,all...I am very aware, as you all will be, that I have a problem with verbosity, so today's blog will be as short as possible.
This afternoon, went to one of my aunt's place where The Aunts were having High Tea. The Nieces and Nephews (my cousins and I) were all there, so I got to see the new additions to the family, baby Tammy and baby Gerard, both less than a year old, but they were both very big for their age. One of my cousins remarked that baby Gerard looked like a sumo wrestler, and I have to admit, he does. Is it me or are babies these days getting bigger and smarter? Must be all the baby formulas they're drinking, enriched with all those vitamins and proteins and what-not. One of my niece is almost 2 years old and she's really quite clever for her age. She speaks and talks back to you in 2 languages- English and Mandarin. She's very self-aware and because she's cute, she can twist you around her little finger. In other words, she's smart and she's spoiled, and I really don't envy her mum when she gets older and starts breaking little boys' hearts.
The 2nd family gathering of the day was a BBQ at my own house, with a different set of cousins- the ones from my mother's side. We had the usual chicken wings, rojak, etc. My brother did all the hard work and the last chicken wing has now been BBQ-ed, most of the plates have been cleared away and everyone's settled down in front of the TV to watch The Apprentice.
Isn't it funny how Malaysians always get together with food?
And Donald Trump has finally chosen a female Apprentice. Complete spoiler available in the papers today. And the Toto Jackpot has reached RM15 million. Anyone interested in starting a blog gambling pool?

Happy Wesak Day to all celebrating the festival!

A New Beginning

Hello all, this is Brenda. My friend Sarah has given me the honour (which will be her ultimate folly, I think) to contribute to her blog. And as usual, I have writer's block and am underperforming under pressure. Everyone wants to get-off the starting block with a bang with an exciting story about their exploits and the stupid gits that they meet in their daily lives, but I've decided to start with a whimper. Here goes:
I went to watch Star Wars with my brother last night at Star Cineplex (in Kuching). For those Star Wars fans who have not watched it yet because you're afraid you'll be disappointed with it like Epi. 1 and 2, have no fear, it's quite good. The cinema was packed. But the main point of the blog is not about the movie, it's about the cineplex (they still do the tickets manually, by hand! With those big red crayons!), the shopping centre (if you can call it that. There're 3 floors, the food court is closed so that took out about 70% of the retail outlets. Essentially dead. Anyone visited Kuching Plaza lately? It is beyond repair, don't even know where to start to describe it now.) and Kuching (we have a new flyover. When you go up the flyover, look out to the horizon. What do you see? Nothing? Exactly. Flat and green.) in general. While I was stuck in KL (the past 4 years), I'd always thought that once I graduated, or done my one-year try-out there, I'd be more than glad to come back to Kuching and continue life here (bearing in mind that I have a Physics degree and Physicists aren't exactly in demand in Kuching, but I was hopeful I'd get a job. Not picky.) . But the past 12 months shuttling between Kuching and KL, and trips to the sad sad shopping malls in Kuching has made me think: hhhmmm....maybe not. I used to hate KL: it's noisy, it's too congested, it's too busy and without my own transport, too big too get around in and visited those cool places like the bars Dida always goes to (oohh. I can sense Dida readying her 9mm right now). But nowadays, I can't help but feel a little stifled by Kuching. Of course, I don't try to compare it to the dynamism and colour of KL, but when I'm here, I'm in my comfort zone and I don't want to do anything other than sit at home and channel-surf Astro...because there's nowhere to go and no one to see and nothing to do. Shopping is non-existent, bookstores in Kuching are dying and one can only go to Coffee Bean oh-so-many-times before you start to realize that designer coffee gives you the same buzz as 90sen kopi. I wonder if my other friends like Dida feel the same? I'm pretty sure Dida does because she comes back to Kuching a lot a lot less than I do, and she'd never be able to have those "adventures" and do her "exploits" here in quiet little Kuching, under the watchful gaze of her parents. :) For a full accounting of Dida's personal life, plus a little embellishment here and there to spice things up by yours truly, visit her blog at livejournal.com/users/nemesis_on_fire. (Put the gun down, Dida. Nice and easy, ok? I'm doing you a good thing. There'll be more traffic to your blog now, right?)
On the other hand, I really do not want Kuching to become a city like KL. On the outside, Kuching is a small, quiet city with a nightlife that's barely alive, but the people of Kuching are well-informed and well-traveled people, where everyone knows almost everyone else (which might be a bad thing especially if you've a new bf or gf and every relative or family friend can report to your parents that they saw you there on so and so day with so and so's son/daughter).
Which is more than you can say about KL- it's a "world-class" city, but I have met people who have never had a passport, never traveled to even Sabah or Sarawak, never had friends of another race, never spoken a language other than their mother tongue and God forbid if you talk to them about religion or world affairs. When I was an innocent teen, whenever I read in Time or Newsweek about the "racial tension" or "discrimination" that exists in our country, I pooh-poohed it all because I'd never seen it with my own eyes. When I went over to KL, I didn't have access to Time anymore, but I experienced it for the first time how we discriminate against each other, against other Malaysians because we were not of the same beliefs. Example: a friend in UM messaged a friend of another race (from St.3 also) to ask if she had any tips for a paper they were both taking, but did not receive a reply. On the day of the exam, the 2nd friend confessed that they had been told not to give any tips to the others. In a "funny" twist to the event, the others scored the only 2 As for that paper. Huh. Is this the growing up I had to do?
So I'm glad I still have Kuching to come home to. I have friends of every race and religion here, my good friend Madz calls me from Ireland to wish me Happy Easter (my reply would be: "Ha?It's Easter already?"), and we all speak the universal language of English and the most volatile or sensitive our jokes can get are about sex and err, Dida (I couldn't resist, Dida! Sorry!). It's my oasis of calm, although some days, I fear that it will go the same way as KL (a lawyer, whose office is right opposite my dad's, was gunned down a few months ago. In Kuching). I'm pretty sure that most Kuching-ites want Kuching to remain "backward" or progress as slowly as possible, because we're happy the way things are (slow and easy) and if we're bored, we can always just fly off to Australia or New Zealand for a short getaway. So many Kuching-ites have PR there, they can create their own small town or settlement.
As it is, I've been living out of suitcases for 4 years and will be doing so for another 2 years at least. It's not what I had in mind when I started university 4 years ago. I didn't have a plan then, except that I hated KL and I couldn't abide by the thought of working and living there. Well, just goes to show how you should never say never.
I'm off to see the rest of the world for another 2 years, finally leaving KL and who knows if I'll ever come back to Kuching and make it my home? Am ever so thankful to God for giving me this opportunity to experience this, and with fingers tightly crossed, hope that it will hold more good than bad and that I will learn whatever lesson I have to learn. I read Paulo Coelho's "The Alchemist" yesterday (everyone of you who feel uncertain as to what you actually want to do with your life from here on, or you just want to read a good book, read this) and this sums up the whole book nicely:
"To realize one's destiny is a person's only obligation."

No worries, folks, I'm rarely this comtemplative when I post up stuff on the Net. Go to Dida's blog to see how my maturity goes down to nil when I have her as a punching bag.

angels

I think some people have had a very bad past few days, so the title is aptly named. if you feel that life can't get any worse, just remember that god is always looking out for you.

i am happy to report that i have 2 humongous pimples that look like staghorns on my forehead. i'm very sure the renal exam didnt' have anything to do with it. it has also been attracting the attention of lots of people. i wore all black yesterday, and it was quite exhilarating. i didn't exactly feel evil, just morbidly nice, and now i know how goths feel like wearing the all black ensemble everyday. if anyone of you knows the cartoon character little emily, i was feeling like her yesterday.

i'm feeling a bit down now because one of my really close friend's father has stomach cancer. i don't know how advanced it is, but i do know the feeling of losing people you love from cancer. the worst part is the advanced stage where they rapidly lose weight. But like my mom says, you grow stronger from all the obstacles that grow in your path. for me, that experience has made me more mature, and made me realise about the world for the first time. i mean, the only care i have in the world now is to study and pass, but i'm glad i have had this experience.

On another note, the infamous nurse will be coming back, and i can't wait to meet her (and her special dvd collection). Hats off to weird people!!

heaven

my feelings of euphoria are due to the presence of richard loh in class just now :) i have just finished my lectures, and it finished fast. part of me is happy;part of me is sad. He still has that funny habit of raising his eyebrows every time he wants to stress something important, and that makes him look funny. Anyway, he looks older than usual;could be due to all the stress!!
I also have to say that i feel like i am in deep shit now .apparently the lecturer in charge of this system is going to set off killer questions. i have already been feeling stressed out since the cheerleader came to my house this morning and was giving me warnings about this exam. i shall now have to constipate my brains for this. earlier on in the morning, i was about to comment that my brains feel like it farted. now its much worse!
The scariest thing i have witnessed today was the male catheterization. Man, its really scary. thank god i will not be doing it alone when i am a house man. it is scarier still for the patient... but i really cant imagine inserting something up a patient's urethra. What if i push too hard? what if i make things worse?? i am definitely not going to be a nephrologist. Scary.
i have also watched miss congeniality 2. Its pretty lame, except for one funny thing sandra said. When the stylist told her she needed to wear a better bra (?) she commented 'how would you like an electric taser gun to your penis?'That would be the best one liner in the entire movie. I'm sure dida can relate to the experience. haha!
i have one more week before i go back to kuching. i can't wait to go back and play and watch tv nonstop. And go out and eat lots. Whew

annoying bastards

i will talk about yesterdays weather first. God, yesterday was so heavenly!It reminds me so much of kuching. for the first time, the skies were cloudy, the weather was cool, and there was a nice breeze. its just like in kuching during the rainy seasons. Speaking of which, i realize kuching is always like that. God forbid that peninsular malaysia is so hot!

these past few days have been quite hectic. i realize i've become this sort of psychiatrist/psychoanalyst which everyone turns to. two nights ago one of my friends came to my place to inspect my new apt. When we went into the room, we had this talkfest for about two hours where she told me about her stresses etc. Then last night i went to a friends place to collect something, and once again, when we were sitting down, she told me about her problems. Eh? Mind you, me being the very 'kepo' person,i do enjoy giving advice (who doesn't) but its quite intruiging why people suddenly come to me for advice. I probably give psycho vibes.

i am also irritated by the above title, and i shall not say much, except one particular person really vexed me today. people seldom vex me, unless they are really god-awful, but i really don't like people who center everything on themselves. Even thinking about it right now makes my blood boil. Speaking of which, i read in the papers yesterday about this education minister who said 'i have the power to sack people'. this was about the upm case where the v-c is in big trouble. in case i get ISA-ed, this makes me think even worse about politicians in general. this is also another reason why some people from borneo detest working in peninsular m'sia. I do agree with the students and lecturers that upm should resolve the matter by itself. Whether the v-c will get sacked or not, we just have to wait. Shit, i really don't want to get isa-ed for this.

UFOs

I've just come back from the dialysis center.Its quite informative, and it brings me back again to the real world. I was just telling a friend that when you study it, its like nothing much. But when you see things in real life, you are aware that there is so much power in your hands. I will say it is tortorous having to go for daily treatments. The patients arms are swollen due to the daily injections.I myself hate being injected so i can't imagine how it will be for them. I'm sure they are immune to the pain, but the hassle they have to go through is bad.The taximan got lost on the way, and it cost $18 for us to get there. Pretty expensive, considering the usual fare is around 10. I went to section 14 after a long period of time. I truly miss that place. Went to sinma to look for some hair bands, but none of them suited me.

It kind of sucks,cos the nice hair clips cost a bomb, while the affordable ones don't suit my taste. I thought of having lunch with everyone at the mamak restaurant near masjid jamek, but some of them were ill. That restaurant cooks the best beef and briyani rice. on the subject of food, i do like the manhattan fish market's butter rice. My mom ordered chips, but she was digging in to my rice! That's how good it is. The next time i'll try the seafood platter. The salmon i had was nice.
I also wanted to mention this last time but i forgot. At 1-utama we had ice-cream at this shop Gelare. Marg ordered vanilla with choc chips, and i had butter pecan. both were good, but the butter pecan was too sweet. At the end, i had to force myself to finish it. Worse still, i was scooping marg's ice cream. i have to go there again. The vanilla choc was heavenly. But do note that the chocolate icecream made from organic soy was bad. Yech!Whats the point of eating bad icecream. Dieters lead a hellish life!

I was just telling yvonne yesterday about how some people believe in ufo's and why i never seem to see a ufo in my hometown (the whole of malaysia too). it always happens in the west. Then i went on to say that i've never heard of the rest of asia being ufo-mad. Well,i shot myself in the mouth cos just yesterday in the news, this guy from china claims he was married to one. She looked just like a human except she has 3 or 6 fingers. He was put on a lie detector. It seems that a growing number of people in china and korea claim to have seen ufo's. A psychologist says that these people are basically lacking in the spiritual department.Many of them claim that the ufo visits were 'spiritually awakening'.I dunno, but when i see tv, and the video shoots claiming to be spaceships, some of them really can't be explained. I just wonder why the aliens are so biased. They never come to malaysia.
And seriously, i am waiting for my ufo experience.

Brain

Whew, i finally had a good weekend.today's musings is dedicated to brain, who will be leaving malaysia pretty soon. The bloody bitch is going to the U.S, in san francisco, for two months. And get this, she'll be going to do her summer postings in stanford. I'm going to kirim some things for her to buy. I wish i could ask her to buy levi's, but the jeans there are just too long for me. I'm so jealous. she'll be staying in singapore for the next two years.So, in a way its glad i met them yesterday.

We went to one utama, and i'm already loving the place. it has so much more variety of clothing that at mid-v, so if i'm gonna do my shopping spree end of this month,my first choice will be there. the phasing out of my wardrobe will take a few more rounds of shopping.And already i've got two offers to go shopping, hehe. Next stop, klcc to reupdate my trousersa and jeans. Sem 4 rocks!

we all had brunch and lunch at this vietnamese restaurant. the food was good, and i love the way they do their beef noodles. everyone asked me what i planned to specialise in, and when they heard it was dermatology, proceeded to mcq me over the types of antibiotics used for face acne. boy, i definitely felt stupid. i mean, i know antibiotics and stuff, but i never really bothered about what type they used for the face. Its good to know a lot of women here have some sort of skin problem, so i'm assured my clinic will be doing well :)

Its good to see all the faces i haven't seen for so long. Initially, i didn't know what to say to them but after we went to check out this dog show, we were back in business. June still has the bestest legs i've ever seen ,and she accentuated it by wearing a miniskirt. I'm surprised to learn that marg is doing the economics of engineering projects, and that june is still studying.The worst thing is that since they are working, they can splash out on whatever they want to buy.

We wanted to watch the movie kingdom of heaven, but unfortunately there were also lots of orlando bloom fans, so there was a full house. Next, we went shopping, and it was a parade show of clothes. Brenda's menacing streak came out, and she ordered to dida to try the clothes that best suit her. i must admit tho, that bren's taste is good. And for the record, i do pity kieran because of the physical torture he undergoes each day. if i were a guy,i'd be taking cold showers everyday. i managed to get a black skirt that i really liked, and i think the best place to get nice blouses is nicole and rest and relax. i've already earmarked these shops for pillaging during the mega sale.The FOS at one-u is superbly stocked too, unlike those at other places. But i still think the best places to get trousers would be at klcc.

Then, we proceeded to check out the shoe shops, and i think that if i were to buy sandals, i would go to nose rather than vincci. they've got more variety. Most of the talking was done by dida though,and of all of us girls she has the most interesting life. i finally realized, to my dismay, what a sad life i have, its almost terminally zero. When i listened to dida talking, i was imagining my classmates studying at the library everyday, and continuing at their homes. it just makes me more sad to know that when i am in year 3, my social life will be a negative instead. But, to my surprise (and joy), i found out that except for dida, the rest of us also have 0 life. its probably cos their working times are quite bad, and at the end of the day you just want to go home and sleep.

i also got reexposed to bren's sarcasm and wit, which i missed very much, and i was practically laughing the whole day i was with them. I found out that dida is still very much scared of marg (she doesn't dare abuse her like she abuses me!) . i think that's probably the reason why i sat with marg in form 5. till this day she protects me from dida;s claws, hehehe.

overall, i really had a smashing time, its great to be with friends who have the same sense of humor and it was great to see them again. And here is my review:

Best legs: June

Best social life: Dida

Best dry sarcastic wit:Brenda

Best bodyguard:Marg

Best laughing machine: Yours truly

i would now like updates from the cheerleader and yvonne on how their weekend went. iwonder if they took any funny shots

I also have to get updates of the cf camp. Apparently everyone thinks that i went.

review

Wow, its amazing how one week can fly so fast. I am itching to do my usual weekly review of what's hot and not, but so far my muddled brain can't think of anything nice. Sometime what people say are true: there are particular times during the day when you just have so much stuff to write down, and the next moment the mood for it is gone. The things i was supposed to write was about ayurveda and mapping the human genome. but now i'm too lazy to do so.

I had a bad PMS last night, and it totally spoiled the mood i had for church. It seems i wasn't the only one suffering;i'm surprised men undergo it too! It was ultrahot and humid last night, and us eating out on the streets didn't make matters better. The place we went last night, sri murni, is quite unique. apparently they serve their juices in really big bottles. Its those kind of bottles that mums always use to store coffee etc. The best thing last night was the hawaiian chappati. Really ingenious. One thing good about malaysian mamak is that they always make good, oily food. The cheerleader tried his skills at driving last night, and surprise, surprise, it was okay. I didn't get thrown out of my seat or anything. The car we had was really old, i think it stopped for about 5 times. Really scary when you're in a massive traffic jam and are in the middle of the road!

I finally arrived home at around midnight, then had to move my ass in the morning for the histo class. Renal is so fast paced, just yesterday we finished the pathophysiology. I'm still blur as to what its all about. But the histo class this morning was good. I heard a 2 sad stories last night about end stage renal patients, and i am beginning to see how important the kidney is to us. Then at church, i was reminded of a scene in the hospital. i was only 15 years old at that time and my grandma asked me to accompany her to see one of our distant relatives.

He was dying of lung cancer (i think) and if i'm not mistaken, it was too much of cigs. When we arrived, all his family members were there, and he was terminal. all he could do at that time was to breathe raggedly through his mouth. I stil remember the rosary that was on the top of his bed. There was nothing anyone could do except to stay by his side and accompany him. And he was very young, around mid 30's to 40's. It was a really touching scene, and i remember it to this day. The stories i was told were similarly touching.

Anyway, one of the more interesting news i read was that this scientist is going to try and prove that all of us on earth are related to each other,and that we come from one father, Adam. It will be sponsored by national geographic and will take 5 years to accomplish. He will be taking samples from 100,000 indigenous people worldwide, including the orang asli here. This was one of the things that made me so attracted to genetics.I think this is a very interesting project.I've always wanted to know where my ancestors came from. I'm secretly hoping they were from the plains of mongolia.That would be cool!

Lalat King

The com labs today are a flurry of activity. Too many people fighting for too few pcs. Btw, imu is spending lots of cash on upgrading furniture. i wish they'd also use some cash to have more pcs.

since i've had 3 days of holiday, i managed to finally read Lord of The Flies. Yes, after a long, long while i mustered the excitement to read it.And the funny thing is that after i read it, there was the movie being shown on astro. Deja Vu indeed. Long ago a friend of mine encouraged me to read it. she said it was one of her favorite books. i myself was wondering how could someone love a book with such a disgusting title?? But after i watched battle royale, and the back of the dvd said its worse than the said book, i decided to check it out.

For a supposedly sec school literature book,i find it to be very deep. There are so many things that the author conveys. I do understand piggy's feelings, and how just because you're different people pick on you. The strained relationship between jack and ralph can also be seen in the adult world. One is good, the other is a hellraiser. It also reminds me of the natives in Papua new Guinea. I think, this is how civilization is years ago, before modern society stepped in. its also scary to think that those boys didn't even give a thought of being saved;instead they were just concerned about surviving and become the ultimate group. And of the natives in papua, they still practice cannibalism, and i really wonder how they feel like eating their own species.it is now also the most dangerous place to live on earth, because of the total lack of rules on the island.

The part where they killed simon was disgusting, and it really made me hate jack even more. On the whole, its a very good read, and i'm glad i read it at this age. if i were to read it when i was younger, i wouldn't appreciate it.